60
‘News to me,’ Meredith assured Roisin, who said, ‘And definitely me.’
‘You never mentioned it?’ Roisin said to Gina.
She fiddled with a stud earring. ‘Well … I thought you knew and were too classy to let on. Plus, you were with Joe. It was mischief. I knew Matt would never do anything about it. He’s pure chivalry.’
‘How did this knowledge come to you?’ Meredith said.
‘Oh, it’s so obvious!’
‘Evidently not …’ Meredith said.
‘OK, so remember that time Dev made us go to Center Parcs?’
‘Ugh, yes,’ Roisin said. He’d been up to his activities for a while. (That was a point: where was Dev? Roisin had tried to call him for a state of the nation where she finally broke the news that she and Joe were exes, thinking he was back from Sóller. The length of time it took to connect, and then the connection dropping, made her feel he was further afield than Spain.)
‘Matt wouldn’t swim and spent all his time with his eyes boring into one of those Wolf Hall books, blushing. Wouldn’t glance within three feet of Roisin in a swimsuit.’
Roisin squinted. ‘… He prefers Thomas Cromwell to log flumes?’
‘No! He had such major hots for you that he was insanely self-conscious when you were partially undressed! When you’ve thought about someone naked a million times, you can’t act casual when there’s skin on show. I should know.’
‘I’ve got to say, as evidence goes, I probably wouldn’t build a case on it at the High Court,’ Meredith said, indicating to the waiter whose eye she’d caught with circling forefinger in mid-air, and then thumbs up that yes, they’d like the same again.
‘Yeah. “Doesn’t have any interest in my patchy bikini line” feels short of conclusive,’ Roisin said, starting to laugh slightly hysterically, as much in relief as anything. ‘Given that applies to pretty much everyone sane on earth.’
‘Oh, he does.’ Gina nodded, sagely. ‘He really does. I could find you other examples, but that’s the one that comes to me. You never see Matt look shy.’
‘It was either that or the visual impact of Dev’s flamingo swim shorts,’ Meredith said.
‘Why didn’t I notice this?’ Roisin said.
‘You’re modest and not ever looking for it, and Matt has a scarily good poker face,’ Gina said. ‘He’s more of an enigma than we realise. I don’t get the impression he’s very close to his family, for example.’
Hmmm, she’d got that right, though Roisin wasn’t at liberty to confirm it.
‘I could never hate you for it, Rosh. I’ve always thought you were a goddess, too,’ Gina said.
‘I can’t believe I was caught in this web of sexual psychodrama the whole time,’ Meredith said.
‘Well, either way with Matt, I can’t believe you’ve been so understanding about my lunacy,’ Roisin said to Gina. ‘Thank you.’
Gina put her head on one side. ‘I know you’d never sell me out, but more than that, I am weirdly alright with it. More than I ever thought I could be. I have to thank you, in fact. Without this information, I wouldn’t have known for sure.’
‘But, how?!’ Roisin said, scarcely believing.
‘The Aaron Effect!’ Meredith said, making a praying gesture.
‘Yeah that. And also, after Matt went off that night with Amelia, something snapped in me. Or maybe died in me. I stopped my hankering, almost overnight. I didn’t expect the effect to be so instant. I think by the end, I was sick and tired of myself more than I was actually in love, you know?’
Meredith and Roisin didn’t, exactly, but they nodded.
‘You know something, too? Aaron really wanted to go on a date. Really wanted to; he was so shy his hand was trembling when we said cheers after I got to the pub. I realised that I want that. I want to be wanted. Matt can’t give me that.’
Roisin and Meredith both nodded again.
‘I said I couldn’t bear to try to be friends with whoever Matt found, but if she’s my friend already, that problem is solved?’ Gina concluded.
Roisin was taken aback at this and blurted, ‘Honestly it was nothing, it lasted seconds before I screamed what are we doing. He’s off to a sort of date tomorrow night at some bar launch. Normal McKenzie business has resumed.’
Their round arrived and they paused while their empty glasses were whisked away and replaced with full ones.
‘Mmmm,’ Gina said, giving Roisin a penetrating look. ‘If you aren’t going to pursue it, please don’t make it on my account. I don’t want to do any more damage to Matt. He deserves to be happy.’
‘Does this mean he’s allowed back to the Brians?’ Meredith said.
‘Sure,’ Gina said.
‘I think you have to be the one to tell him that,’ Meredith said, and Gina nodded. ‘Now. That’s sorted. Can we please try to pass the Bechdel test here,’ Meredith said.
‘What’s that?’ Gina said.
‘It’s whether a film is sexist: do women, when together, ever discuss a subject that isn’t a man.’
‘We’d pass it easily if you dated someone for us to gossip about,’ Gina said, and Meredith gasped while Roisin cackled.
The conversation moved on, and Roisin was left pretending to listen while she was consumed by what Gina had said.
Matt had feelings for her? Longstanding ones? Big, serious ones? She resisted something so seductive and extraordinary being true. It also forced her to ask herself what her interests were here.
She’d revealed what she had with the aim of being completely honest with her friends, but she feared what it had shown her was that she hadn’t been completely honest, at all. With them, with Matt, or with herself.