54
CORA
I told myself everything was fine when I woke up alone. Ivan is busy. He can’t lie in bed all day. He’s probably working in his office. Don’t freak out.
I got dressed and brushed my teeth. I focused on the soreness between my legs as I walked down the stairs to his office. He asked me to stop taking my birth control last night. We might have a kid together! He’s committed.
Don’t freak out.
Then I walk into his office and see his face.
He’s looking at me, but he isn’t seeing me. His eyes are unfocused and his body is tense. His hand is shaking from the force he used to slam his laptop closed.
Never mind. This is the end.
Something is wrong and I should definitely be freaking out.
Instead, I smile. “Good morning.”
“You’re up early,” he says in a low monotone.
“After last night, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be rested again.” I try for a laugh, but it sounds hollow.
He hums a vague response and nods. But he doesn’t look at me.
“You’re up early, too. What are you working on?”
“Nothing.”
I hesitate for only a second before I walk around his desk and lay my hand over his. “I’m worried about everything you’re worried about, Ivan. Whatever is going on in your life, it matters to me. I want to help.”
He flips his hand over and closes his fingers over mine. “You can’t.”
“Then let me be unhelpful with you.” I spin his chair towards me and settle on his lap. “What’s wrong?”
“You’ve dealt with enough already. Let me handle this.”
I run my hand up his forearm to squeeze the swell of his bicep. “I know you can handle it. You’ve been carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders for most of your life. But I haven’t been doing all of this training for nothing. Let me carry some of it. I want to.”
His hand spreads across my ribs like he’s trying to shield me from whatever’s out there. “It was Konstantin.”
I know no one is standing behind me, but I still feel the urge to glance over my shoulder. “You were talking to him?”
He nods. “He wanted to have a conversation with me… about Katerina coming home.”
“Katerina,” I breathe, my mouth moving before my brain can catch up. “She is… She came back?”
No, she’s gone. Ivan sent her away. His ex-fiancée is half a world away.
“She didn’t come back; she was forced back.” His fingers tighten on my side. “They found her and dragged her back. It was Francia’s little parting gift.”
My stomach twists. Ivan’s arm around my waist is the only reason I don’t crumple to the floor. “Me. I—It was me. My fault. When they first kidnapped me, I thought Francia was… She made me think she was my friend. I told her you sent Katerina away so she would trust you. It was all a trick. It’s my fault that they found her. It’s my fault that—”
“Look at me.” Ivan pulls me closer and forces my eyes to his. “None of this is your fault, Cora. None of it. The only people responsible are the Sokolovs, Alexander, and Francia. I’ll make sure every last one of them pays.”
I suppress a shiver and a gallon of guilt I’ll definitely have to wade through later. “So why did Konstantin call to tell you Katerina was back? What did he want?”
“The same thing he has wanted for years.” His jaw clenches before he can force the words out. “He wants me to marry her.”
I know this. Konstantin hasn’t exactly been subtle about how much he wants Ivan to marry into his family.
What I don’t know is why Ivan looks like this is a death sentence.
His hand fists in the fabric of my shirt. “Konstantin wants me to choose. He wants me to pick between Katerina and…”
“Me,” I whisper as understanding finally sinks in. “And if you choose me… she dies.”
He leans forward so his forehead is resting on my chest. “I got her out of this city in the first place because I knew they’d kill her. She didn’t want any part of this world, of this life. I knew Konstantin would kill her rather than lose her, so I sent her away. Now, he has her back.”
I stroke my fingers through the hair at the back of his neck. That bit of silky friction is the only thing keeping me tethered to reality instead of blasting off into a full-on freak-out. “I don’t want someone to die because of me.”
“This isn’t because of you. This is because of me. And I’m fucking stuck,” he growls. “If I choose you, Katerina dies. And if I choose—”
Before he can even say it, I grab his stubbled face. Our eyes meet for only a second before Ivan tightens his arms around me and our lips crush together.
I shift so I’m straddling him in his desk chair, my feet on the floor. My sleep shirt slips up my thighs and Ivan strokes his calloused fingers over my skin. Just that little touch has me on fire.
I can’t give this up. I can’t walk away.
“I can’t even hear you say you could be with someone else,” I whisper, breathing heavily. “How am I supposed to let it actually happen?”
He grips my hips and settles me over his waist. “If I choose you, they’ll come after you even more than they already have. And if I don’t choose you, they’ll still fucking come after you. So much has happened that they want revenge. They can’t take it out on me, so they want to take it out on you.”
I twine my fingers together behind his neck. “Sounds like it doesn’t matter either way then.”
“It does matter. It is the only fucking thing that matters, Cora! I could choose Katerina and then get you out of the city the way I wanted to from the start. I’ll make you disappear. You’ll be—”
“Dead. I’ll be dead. If you send me away, I won’t survive it. I’ve been away from you before and I can’t do it again.” I kiss his jawline, trailing my lips to his ear. “I’m yours, Ivan. Please don’t make me leave.”
He growls and his hands tighten on my heated skin. My nightshirt is around my waist and I yank it over my head so only the tiny scrap of fabric between my legs separates us.
His eyes trail over my body possessively. “That’s why I have to send you away. Because you’re mine, Cora. I have to protect you.” Ivan kisses my chest and circles his tongue around my nipples until my toes clench.
“You can’t. I’d… I’d… I’d marry someone else.”
His fingers dig possessively into my hips. “Excuse me?”
“I’d find some man I don’t really love,” I continue, “and I’d marry him. It would be out of loneliness. Because I needed a distraction. Being without you and knowing you were with Katerina would drive me insane and I’d marry someone else. It would be like none of this ever happened.”
With every word, Ivan’s hold on me grows tighter. He’s crushing me against his chest so I can barely breathe.
“Is that what you want?” I pant.
He doesn’t answer. Instead, he lays claim to every bit of my skin he can touch and taste. I lift myself up and reach between us. His breath is hot on my neck and my collarbone as I unbutton his pants.
We’re barreling towards something. A cliff, a waterfall, a breaking point. We’re going to go tumbling over—that much is guaranteed. The question is whether I fall alone or we fall together.
I wrap my hand around his dick and he catches his breath.
“Do you want to send me away?”
His eyes darken. “I want to keep you safe.”
“So you’re willing to give me up to someone else?” I slide my hand up and back down. “You’re going to let me marry another man? You’re going to let me touch another man like this?”
Before the words are even out of my mouth, Ivan stands up and sits me on the edge of his desk. He wraps my legs around his hips, shoves my panties aside, and fills me in one thrust.
I can’t give this up. I won’t.
When he’s seated deep inside of me, Ivan grips my chin and looks into my eyes. “You can’t be with anyone else. Ever. You’re mine.”
“I’m yours.” Tears burn in my eyes. I blink them back. “I’m yours and you’re mine. There isn’t anyone else. There can’t be.”
Ivan kisses me until I’m lying flat on the desk in front of him. Splayed and vulnerable, he drives into me again and again. He circles my clit with his thumb and palms my breasts. The sex is fast and greedy and desperate. He touches me like he owns me, heart and soul.
Because he does.
I fall first, clenching and crying out until Ivan follows a minute later. When we’re finished, he scoops me up off the desk and holds me in his lap again. “We’re back where we started,” Ivan says, kissing my bare shoulder.
“Yeah. Except I think I might know what we need to do.”
He arches a brow. “You were thinking of a plan through all of that?”
“I’m a great multitasker.” I grin. “I just need to know one thing. Do you still have my engagement ring?”