4

4 Megan and Bibi had their historic first meeting in Caffè Nero on a Saturday afternoon in Newcastle station, planned so that either party could make an easy getaway if they loathed the sight of each other, while thousands of agitated football fans poured back into the station through the barriers, escorted by rozzers in riot gear, at the ready if anything kicked off Megan thought Bibi was as exquisite as she looked in her photograph – lustrous black hair tied back, no make-up, flawless skin, small-boned, jeans, off the shoulder fluffy jumper, trainers she was like a dancer, compact, toned, it was hard to tell she'd once been male Bibi explained over mocha that as tarting up in high heels, tight skirts and wearing a thick layer of face paint is all about gender and not biological sex, she wears what she likes and feels comfortable doing so, although other trans females might think that being a woman is all about adhering to a stereotyped version of womanhood, when clearly most women can't be arsed with it all? she gestured at the women walking around the station, look at them Megan felt rattled at Bibi in effect mansplaining, she was a woman with male confidence, who went on to say that dressing like a woman means wearing every variety of clothing you can imagine, including baggies like these, she pulled at her blue jeans you don't have to tell me, Megan said when she could get a word in edgeways, pointing out her own baggy jeans and outsized red and white check shirt, sleeves rolled up (the tats cost enough), don't forget I'm the expert here

of course you are, Bibi exclaimed, look at me telling you, you have to stop me from becoming one of those trans females who think they know more about being a woman than those who've lived their entire lives as one trust me, Megan replied, I will, relieved that they weren't going to fall out within ten minutes of meeting as the conversation proceeded to race along with no pit stops they talked until their nerves jangled with the caffeine they kept ordering and later in a wine bar when their emotions swelled with the lagers they were drinking they held hands over the table, amused when others did a double take – was that a man and woman or two women? Megan told Bibi that after considering the options in depth, what makes most sense to me is the concept of gender-free, being born female isn't the problem, society's expectations are, I get this now and I'm so glad I didn't go down the sex change route gender confirmation, love, Bibi snapped all right, keep your hair on, I'm allowed to make mistakes so be patient with me, or I'll think you're totally up yourself Bibi looked suitably chastised the truth is, Bibi, I could never get my head around taking testosterone, and I really didn't want to thicken my skin, deepen my voice, bulk up, get hairy and phalloplasty was never on the cards, not for me I would like to get rid of these, though, Megan pointed to her flat chest, breasts bound underneath her shirt that would improve the quality of my life no end, she said, opening up more as the conversation continued on the journey back to Bibi's tiny rented cottage in Hebden Bridge later that evening with its sagging seventeenth-century beams and subsided floors where Bibi said Megan was welcome to stay as they went in for their first kiss on the double bed Hebden Bridge was a small haven of organic-friendly and environmentalist residents and shops of Tai Chi, Pilates, meditation, yoga and holistic healing classes

of writers, theatre-makers, filmmakers, visual artists, dancers and activists of old-fashioned hippies and new-fashioned non-conformists as well as people whose families had lived there for generations, and were used to the bohemians who'd begun arriving in the sixties Megan loved its cobbled streets and short walks to the Calder Valley and Hardcastle Crags where they rambled for hours, physically and verbally, wearing bright rain macs and walking boots Megan wondered aloud how she could put her gender-free identity into practice when they were living in a gender-binary world, and that with so many definitions (sane and insane, she refrained from saying), the very idea of gender might eventually lose any meaning, who can remember them all? maybe that was the point, a completely gender-free world, or was that a naïve utopian dream? Bibi replied that dreaming wasn't naïve but essential for survival, dreaming was the equivalent of hoping on a large scale, utopias were an unachievable ideal by definition, and yeh, she really couldn't see billions of people accepting the abolition of the idea of gender completely in her lifetime Megan said in which case demanding gender-neutral pronouns for herself from people who'd no idea what she was going on about also seemed utopian Bibi said it was a first step towards changing people's minds, although yes, like all radical movements, there'd be much resistance and Megan would have to be resilient they pounded the muddy grass in rain, and after it, mist coming out of their mouths before words did Bibi's Labrador, Joy, raced ahead, so happy to be outside, as they were, country lovers, both of them happy to be away from the human race they started on an incline, navigated slippery rocks and moss, left the mist behind them, entered a cloudless part of the valley, the sun reappeared behind the grey sky, the land fell away behind them they put their hoods down, surveyed the glossy green landscape

Megan said maybe she should become a missionary of the gender non- conforming crusade going forth to spread the gospel that gender is one of the biggest lies of our civilization it's to keep men and women in their place, she shouted out to the landscape, as if evangelizing from a pulpit her voice echoed back from the valley walls can you hear me can you hear me can you hear me? they discussed the best gender-neutral alternatives such as ae, e, ey, per, they, and tested each word to see if the words tripped off the tongue or tripped over it, ditto with the alternatives to his and hers: hirs, aers, eirs, pers, theirs and xyrs Megan decided to try out they and theirs, what matters most to me, is that I know how I feel, and the rest of the world might catch up one day, even if it'll be a quiet revolution over longer than my lifetime, if it happens at all you're right, Megan, Bibi replied, in the meantime, don't get antsy with people when they screw up your preferred pronouns, even when they want to remember, people will get it repeatedly wrong, they have to rewire their brains to adjust and that's not easy, it takes time Megan laughed, look who's talking they held hands where they felt most safe doing it in the middle of nowhere.