FORTY-NINE
The Support
Three Months Later
Senior year has been no joke.
I can count on my fingers the days I’ve had time for some fun or to go out with my friends or Ares. We’ve all been consumed by the excellent-grades-required monster in order to have a remote shot at a good college when we graduate. It’s been crazy, and we’re all drained. Now, after a week of testing, I can finally relax a little and enjoy my boyfriend, who’s lying on his side next to me.
The eyes are the mirror of the soul. . . .
Where have I heard that phrase before? It doesn’t matter, I just know that it’s true. I never imagined I could see so much by looking into someone’s eyes, like I’m reading their biography.
Ares doesn’t say anything, he just stares at me, and his eyes look so bright with the morning sun reflected in them. I don’t know how long it’s been since we woke up. His hand rests on the side of my face, his thumb caressing my cheek. I wish I could stop time so we can stay like this forever, without having to face the world or worry about anything else. I realize that happiness is not a perpetual state, it’s just perfect little moments.
Ares closes his eyes and kisses me on the forehead. When he pulls away, the emotions in his eyes are as clear as water: love and passion. It makes me remember the beginning when I couldn’t decipher him at all. And then fear settles in the pit of my stomach. When something is so perfect, the fear that something could ruin it can be overwhelming.
The alarm on his cell phone interrupts our moment.
“We have to go,” he says.
“Argh!” I shout. I guess my little break from school is over. “Remind me why I have to study.”
Ares stands up and stretches.
“Because you want to be a psychologist and help people, and for that you need to finish high school,” he states, making me smile like a fool.
“Good motivation.” I get out of bed with just his shirt on. “I’ll let you be my first patient if you promise I’ll be yours.”
The good mood vanishes into thin air. Ares looks away without responding and starts walking toward his bathroom. I frown but say nothing; the subject of his university studies has been a sensitive one for the past month. He needs to talk to his parents and make a decision about which colleges to apply for soon, as the application deadlines for many schools are passing.
After watching him disappear behind the bathroom door and hearing him run the shower, I look for my backpack, which I find sitting next to a small library of books from school. I take advantage of the evenings when Mom is on night shifts to come and stay with him, and I bring my school bag with clothes so I won’t be late in the morning. At first, it was awkward and embarrassing to be with Ares’s parents and siblings, but as time went on, I realized that this house spends more time empty than occupied. Even when they’re home, they tend to be locked in their own worlds or, in this case, rooms.
The one person I’ve interacted with quite a bit has been Claudia. She and I simply have chemistry, we get along well, and, although at first glance she may seem cold, she’s actually very sweet.
These past three months have been wonderful. Ares has behaved like a prince. We’ve hung out, spent time with my friends and his friends, enjoyed wonderful sex. . . . We haven’t had any fights, and I thank Our Virgin of Abdominals for that. I deserve this period of peace after all I went through in the beginning.
I’m taking my clothes out of my backpack and putting them on the table with Ares’s laptop when several envelopes next to the computer catch my eye. One has a stamp that I recognize: The University of North Carolina.
I press my lips together. That’s where I applied, but Ares has never been interested in going there. He always told me he wanted to study at one of the Ivies. Curiously, I pull out the letter inside, and my heart stops as I read it.
Thank you for your interest in our Business Management program for the semester. We will be reviewing your information and qualifications and will notify you of our decision.
What the fuck . . . ?
Business management? University of North Carolina?
At that moment Ares comes out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist, while drying his hair with another one.
“You can go in now, I . . .” He stops when he sees me with the paper in my hand.
“UNC? Business management?” I show him the paper.
“I was going to tell you . . .”
“You applied to UNC? For business management? What did I miss?”
“Raquel . . .”
“What happened to medicine? Princeton? Yale? Harvard? What happened?” I don’t give him time to answer. I don’t know why I’m so upset. Ares looks away.
“I have to be realistic, Raquel.”
“Realistic?” I ask in disbelief. He throws the towel aside and runs his hand over his face.
“Management or law, that’s what my family needs.” I can’t believe I’m hearing him say this.
“What about what you need?” I ask. He ignores my question.
“It’s the same college you applied to. Aren’t you glad to know we’ll be together?”
“Don’t try to make this about me,” I retort. “This is about you and what you want for your life.”
“This is what I want for my life. To be useful to my family, and to be by your side, that’s all I want.”
“No,” I shake my head. Ares raises an eyebrow.
“No?” he asks.
“You’re just taking the easy path. You’re giving up without even trying and taking refuge in the thought that at least we’ll be together.”
“At least?” he repeats. “I didn’t know being together was so unimportant to you.”
“Again, don’t try to make this about me or about us.”
“How can it not be about us? If I apply to those other colleges, do you know how far apart we’ll be? I’m going to have to move to another state, Raquel.”
I know . . .
I’ve thought about it so many times . . .
But I can’t be selfish . . .
“I know, but you’ll be studying what you want to study and following your dream. That’s enough for me.”
“Don’t give me that shit.” He moves closer to me. “You want us to split up?”
“I just want you to do what you want to do.”
“This is what I want to do. This is what I’ll do. This is my decision.”
I run my hands through my hair.
“It’s not. Why are you so stubborn?” I demand. I see him hesitate.
“Because I love you,” he says, and I stop breathing. “And just imagining being away from you tears me apart.”
“I know. I feel that too.” I move closer to him and take his face in my hands before I continue. “I love you, too, and because I love you, I want you to be happy and achieve everything you want in this life.”
He puts his forehead on mine.
“I can’t be happy without you.”
“I’m not going anywhere. We’ll find a way, long-distance relationship or whatever.” I pause. “I’d rather do that than see you every day in a place that has never interested you, studying something you hate. I don’t want to see you suffer that way.”
“My family won’t support me.”
“Have you talked to them? At least try.” I give him a short kiss. “Please?”
“Okay.” His lips meet mine in a soft kiss that’s filled with so many emotions that my heart races. I reciprocate, running my hands around his neck, kissing him deeply. Feeling his wet torso against me, my hormones rage, and it doesn’t help that he’s only wearing a towel. Our mouths move harder against each other, brushing and licking, and I press my breasts against him with desire.
Ares lifts me up, setting me on the computer table, and reaches between my legs. I interrupt the kiss breathlessly.
“We’re going to be late.”
“A quickie.” He kisses me again, lifting the shirt I’m wearing, and underneath I’m naked. The towel falls to the floor and Ares pulls me tighter against him, forcing me to spread my legs wide for him. I’m on the pill now, so we don’t use condoms anymore.
Before I can say anything, he penetrates me, and a moan of surprise escapes me but is stifled by his lips. His movements are rough and deep, but they feel fucking good. I hold tight to his neck as he thrusts into me, the table crashing against the wall with each thrust.
Our kisses become uncontrolled and wet, and it’s not long before we both reach orgasm. Breathing fast, we hug each other. Having so much sex has its advantages, we know each other intimately, and we know where to touch, lick, and how to move to make each other come.
Apolo walks in without warning.
“Ares, let’s—Oh shit.” Apolo turns his back to us quickly. Ares picks up the towel and covers himself, stepping in front of me to cover me. Apolo continues to stare into the distance.
“We’re going to be late. I’ll wait for you downstairs.”
As soon as he leaves, I burst out laughing, tapping Ares’s shoulder.
“I told you to close that door.”
I know, we’ve become cheeky and shameless. Ares gives me a short kiss and carries me toward the bathroom.
“Come on, we’ll save time by showering together.” I let out a laugh and bury my face in his neck.
- ARES -
“Well?” my father begins, holding a glass of whiskey in his hand. We’re in the study on the small couches to one side of my father’s large desk. Artemis is sitting beside him, checking a chart on his tablet, and my mother is on his other side, looking at me curiously. Apolo is sitting next to me on the opposite couch, giving me the occasional worried glance. I called this family meeting. I’m not going to lie, my hands are sweaty, and my throat is so dry it hurts.
“Ares?” my mother calls. Everyone is waiting for me. I can’t give up without a fight, and the thought of Raquel’s disappointed face motivates me.
“As you know, it’s time to apply to colleges,” I begin. Artemis puts down his tablet.
“Do you need help with that? I can make some calls.”
“No, I . . .” Shit, I didn’t think this would be so hard. The moment I say the words, I’ll expose myself, and I don’t want to get hurt.
“Ares, son,” my father encourages me. “Say what you have to say.”
Summoning my courage, I take a deep breath.
“I want to study medicine.”
Sepulchral silence. I feel like I’ve been exposed, thrown naked in front of everyone, begging not to be hurt. Artemis begins to laugh.
“Are you kidding me?” he asks. I want to chicken out and say yes, but I can’t do that, not when I’ve come this far.
“No, I’m not kidding,” I say.
My father sets his glass aside.
“Medicine?—”
“I thought we’d been clear about what the family needs, Ares,” my mother cuts in. “Your father needs another manager or head of legal in his companies,” she says.
My father immediately backs her up.
“I told you we’re opening another branch office in a few years. We’re expanding, and I need my children to be part of it. It’s our family legacy.”
“I know,” I say. “Believe me it hasn’t been easy for me to tell you this. I don’t want to be ungrateful. You’ve given me everything, but . . .” I speak with my heart in my mouth. “I really want to be a doctor.”
My mother clicks her tongue.
“Does this have to do with that idea you had as a child of wanting to save your grandpa? Son, he’s always had the best doctors; you don’t have to become one for him.”
Artemis puts his hands on his knees. “Just apply to a legal or business program.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “This isn’t a whim or just because of Grandpa. I really want to be a doctor. I don’t want to study management, let alone law.”
“And you’re just going to put aside your family’s needs? Don’t be ungrateful,” my mother says, crossing her arms.
“I just want to be happy,” I mutter. “I want to study what I want.”
Artemis gives me an incredulous look.
“Even if that means turning your back on your family?”
“I’m not . . .”
“No.” My father interjects. “We’ve all made sacrifices for this family, Ares. Do you think Artemis wanted to study management? No, but he did it for us. We have what we have because we’ve all put aside individual wants for what we need as a family.”
“Really? How happy are you, Artemis?” My older brother gives me a cold look, and I look at my father. “Or are you, Dad? What good is so much money if we can’t do what we want?”
My mother reprimands me. “Don’t be impertinent! Your father has already given you an answer.”
“I’m not going to study management,” I repeat. I can see my father clench his jaw.
“Then you won’t study anything.” His coldness surprises me. “Nothing will come out of my pocket for your schooling if you don’t study what we need. I will not support a son who does not support the good of his family.”
Apolo speaks for the first time.
“Dad . . .”
A lump forms in my throat, but I don’t let tears fall from my eyes. I don’t want to look weaker than I already have.
“Dad, I want to be happy,” I say, not caring that everyone is watching me. “Without your support I can’t make it. Without financial support there is nothing I can do. Medical schools are expensive. Please support me.”
My father’s expression does not waver.
“The answer is no, Ares.”
My mind travels to an old memory when Dad was different, before he turned out like this.
“Dad, you know you are my hero . . .” The little boy runs around his father and hugs him. My father smiles at the child—at me.
“I always will be, I will keep you safe.”
My mother’s betrayal has changed him so much. Controlling the pain in my heart, I get up and walk out the door. I can hear Apolo talking to my father in the background, pleading with him, but I just keep walking.
When I get to my room, Raquel rises from the bed, looking at me cautiously. I thank the world for having someone who supports me unconditionally, who won’t turn her back on me, who I can break down in front of without embarrassment.
I’m trembling, and my vision is blurred by tears. She was right. I want to study medicine with all my heart, and now that dream has shattered. Raquel walks toward me slowly, as if she is worried that any sudden movement will push me away. Her mouth opens, but she says nothing. When she reaches me, she hugs me, and I bury my face in her neck, crying. I’m not ashamed, not with her. She knows every side of me. She has believed in me far more than my own father.
“Shhh,” she whispers, stroking my hair. “You’ll be all right, it’s going to be all right.”
I hear the door open and immediately pull away from Raquel, wiping away my tears defensively. Apolo comes in, and his eyes are red.
“You can count on me,” he says with determination. “I want you to know that not everyone in this family is turning their back on you. Count on me.”
He smiles at me, but the sadness in his eyes is obvious.
“We’ll look for scholarships. We’ll both work part time. We’ll figure it out . . .” His voice breaks. “You deserve to be happy, and you’re not alone. Do you understand?”
This idiot . . . I smile and nod.
“I understand.”
“Good.” He gives me a thumbs up. Raquel grabs both our hands, smiling at us.
“We’ll figure it out,” she says.
I know it’s not going to be easy and the odds are against it, but for some reason I believe them, so I smile.
“We’ll figure it out.”