5

5 Penelope went home from school each evening to her Golden Retriever, Humperdinck always there for her, always eager for a cuddle, who'll listen to her for hours without interruption, who whimpers when she leaves the house, greets her as soon as she steps back in the door, jumping up for a hug Humperdinck was named after her favourite crooner from the seventies, Engelbert Humperdinck, the tanned sex-bomb still oozing so much charisma she can barely contain herself when he appears on television, his teeth glittering like polished pearls so much sexier, in her opinion, than his nearest rival, Tom Jones, the famous pelvis-thruster with the big voice from the Welsh valleys she also reconnected with the Sisterhood, her college friends who were sympathetic enough to overlook the fact she'd barely had anything to do with them when she was married Giles only liked to surround himself with fellow boring engineers and their (house) wives, she told them, while Phillip's milieu was pseudo- intellectuals and their drippy Save the Planet spouses she admitted she'd lost the me of myself and was subsumed within the we of marriage, relinquishing even her surname

Penelope Halifax who became Penelope Owsteby who became Penelope Hutchinson before reverting back to her maiden name which wasn't really hers in the first place (she kept the shame of that to herself) they went to their favourite health spa in Cheltenham twice a year for what they called their Detox/Retox Weekends to indulge in sisterly conviviality while getting massages, facials, saunas and delightfully tanked with the wine they smuggled in for their drinking sessions in the suite furthest away from the uptight spa staff in reception who thoroughly disapproved of people actually having fun Penelope was secretly relieved when a gal pal's marriage collapsed too, because then she didn't feel so awfully, terribly alone they could go to the theatre and cinema together, enjoy meals out and art exhibitions, holidays at her authentically rustic cottage in Provence, spa trips to the Alps and Thailand her daughter became a great support to her after the end of Marriage Number Two her best friend, as Penelope often reminded her, and not only when she'd had a drink or two and phoned her in the early hours Sarah never hung up on her, not once, I'm here for you, Mum, and please don't do anything stupid, please Penelope didn't have the suicidal gene, and it upset her that her daughter thought otherwise Sarah had boyfriends, but not fallen in love yet, perhaps because she'd seen how that played out with her mother she talked about having children and said, Mum, the day I have kids is the day I give up work, I don't want to be a working mother that's fine, Penelope reassured her, and meant it all she wanted was for her daughter to be self-fulfilled at this point in her life, feminist politics can sod off look where it got her? Giles paid the children's university living expenses, and thus became their favourite parent

it saddened her when they didn't give her preferential love when she'd been the parent who raised them after his degree, Adam scarpered off to work in Texas as a petroleum engineer, at least it was better than the job in the Middle East that had also been on the table Sarah became an actor's agent in a big agency in the West End, complained about stars who treated her like the hired help it's a lot less glamorous than you think, Mum she came home for lunch every other Saturday from her house-share in Whitechapel (why she chose to live in the grotty East End was beyond Penelope, who still associated it with Victorian slums and Jack the Ripper) Sarah's housemates were young professionals, half of whom were Asian well-educated and well-spoken so hardly Asian at all in winter Penelope usually made Sarah's favourite broccoli and parsnip soup with crusty rolls in summer, it was her favourite salad of greens, tomatoes, figs, edible flowers and goat's cheese with crusty rolls Penelope preferred heavy food such as pasta and potatoes, thick stews, rich curries and the most gooey of saccharine desserts like sticky toffee pudding she liked to feel completely stuffed after a meal her stomach stretched to bursting or she felt emotionally empty Sarah would gossip indiscreetly about her clients, which Penelope loved it was as close as she'd ever get to the people who appeared in the celebrity magazines she read that transported her from the miserable reality of her own existence into a fantasy world of glossy people with their perfect lives even though she knew it was a feel-good panacea for the gullible masses, it still soothed rather than induced envy Sarah said the more successful actors blamed her if they didn't get seen for a coveted part, or if they did and it all backfired and their career went

tits-up, she got blamed for that too while the non-famous actors blamed her for not being famous most of her gay actor clients pretended to be otherwise, while the married ones got up to all sorts of stuff, you won't believe what I hear, Mum, like the famous married actor whose thing is to crouch on top of a glass table and crap on it while a pretty young woman is lying underneath it trust me, showbiz folk are more fucked up than most people, you'd pale in comparison, I mean I didn't actually mean it that way, I'm not saying you're fucked up, hey, we're all fucked up, aren't we? she said dipping her bread so far into her soup it drowned and couldn't easily be rescued.