4

4 Penelope was left alone after Phillip Le Creep had gone back to his Highgate pad – he kept his, she kept hers – and after the kids had grown and flown she had the house to herself for a few years, found a wonderful African cleaner called Boomi, who gave the place the once over, which seemed a terrible waste of money when most of the rooms were empty Penelope decided to become a landlord, converted the upper floors into bedsits, rented out to Japanese students who were so clean, quiet, orderly and respectful so nice to be bowed to when she collected the rent she didn't like being single, discovered it wasn't easy to find a mate in middle age men didn't notice her any more and she didn't know how to engage in subtle flirtation to get attention when suitable sorts were around, because

she'd never had to as a younger woman men had gravitated towards her and she had merely responded, graciously, flirtatiously, or (she could now see) rudely the big question that plagued her was this: how do you get a man to take you out when it's the last thing on his mind? on her first and last blind date via an agency, the prospective candidate for marriage (on paper, at least) stood up and walked out as soon as she walked in and sat down for the first time in her life, she almost wished she was 'the other way' she'd read an article that said while older and middle-aged men typically went for younger women, both older women and younger women often fell for middle-aged women sadly, there wasn't a sapphic bone in her body the women's magazines Penelope now read argued that women should not define themselves by a male partner, that to depend on a man was a sign of weakness all quite different to the magazines she'd read as a young woman, which advised the opposite she tried to be happy food shopping for one, happy to go to sleep alone, happy to wake up in an empty bed, happy that building site workers no longer wolf-whistled after her (to think she'd once objected) happy to look at her middle-aged body in the mirror without pulling a face, because the female form should be accepted in all its different shapes and sizes, shouldn't it? Penelope wanted to embrace self-love and self-acceptance getting rid of the full-length mirrors in her home was a good start she should also be happy at work seeing as she'd lost her first marriage over her right to do it at first she'd enjoyed teaching the disadvantaged children of the area whose parents had an inter-generational history of paying taxes in this country, even though she knew most of them wouldn't go on to great things a supermarket till for the ones who were numerate, a typing pool for those who were numerate and literate, further education for those who could pass exams sufficiently well she felt a sense of responsibility towards her own kind, and didn't like it at all when the school's demography began to change with the immigrants

and their offspring pouring in in the space of a decade the school went from predominantly English children of the working classes to a multicultural zoo of kids coming from countries where there weren't even words for please and thank you which explained a lot she loathed that feminism was on the descent, and the vociferous multi- culti brigade was on the ascent, and felt angry all the time, usually at the older boys who were disrespectful and the bullish male teachers who still behaved as if they owned the planet the type who used to patronize her when she'd started the job years ago, to the point of tears who never included her in their conversations except to look at her tits she'd have to sit there silently being objectified along with the other young female teachers and the posters of topless models plastered on the noticeboard in the staff room just as some of the female pupils were harassed by male teachers who groped them, and honestly, did anybody take it seriously when girls complained that this male teacher had stroked her breasts, or that male teacher had smacked her on the bottom, or another male teacher had put his hand up her skirt? she knew of two males who'd had 'liaisons' with female pupils and got away with it, they all got away with it the male teachers would head off for a pint in the Green Dragon after work, never thinking to invite her or any of the other teachers who had a womb the male teachers who made decisions before the staff meeting began so that the rest of them were presented with a fait accompli, without a hope in hell of catching up on decision-making conversations begun at lunch or in the corridors or over the telephone the previous evening it took her years to realize she wasn't being slow and stupid, she learned the hard way to shoehorn herself into debates, to force them to explain exactly what the hell they were talking about, to hold them to account she learned the hard way to crush any opposition to the ground, especially young upstarts like Saint Shirley the Puritanical of the Caribbean

as she described her in her diary Shirley was barely out of her teaching probation when she took a pot shot at Penelope at that staff meeting all those years ago – at the only woman in the school who dared stand up to the men why didn't Saint Shirley attack one of the male chauvinist pigs who pontificated ad infinitum instead of a strong woman who'd brought petitions into work for both the Equal Pay Act and the Sex Discrimination Act, both of which were eventually passed into law improving the situation for all working women she should be admired and respected by her female colleagues it took her a long time to forgive Saint Shirley but when she did, the became friends, work friends.