Chapter Forty-Three
NASH
Nash was drained.
He held on to the phone, his grip refusing to loosen in case she called back and changed her mind, as he lay on the couch, limp and unwilling to move.
Minutes, then hours, passed while he stared at the ceiling. His heart thumped steadily, but he had no idea how it was still going when his life had been sucked out of him.
And the phone didn’t ring again.
His father’s words played through his mind over and over about loving Mom, not fighting for her, and the life of regret he’d lived by wishing he hadn’t given up so easily.
Nash didn’t want to experience the same wishful, retrospective thinking that his dad had. He wanted to do it right the first time around and live a happy life. After all, hadn’t everyone told him that he had beaten the odds by succeeding? He didn’t want to go down his parents’ path of regret and missing out on the things and people they loved.
He got up to get a glass of water—pausing to contemplate a beer before deciding against it because he couldn’t bring himself to drink in the morning—and a folded piece of paper on his counter caught his eye.
He frowned, wondering what he’d left there, before he remembered picking it up outside. The same paper that Kiran had dropped when he’d last seen her.
Curious, missing her, and figuring he couldn’t lose anything more, he unfolded it.
Her curly handwriting spiraled through alternating lines on the paper, and Nash imagined her in front of him now, writing out her list of things to do. His heart felt crushed, thinking about how he’d wanted to know the girl in front of him back then and how he couldn’t let her go now.
Each item was crossed off. Nash paused on each one, remembering her look of glee at seeing horses, the way she curled into herself in the night air on the roof.
His eyes trailed to the bottom of the list, where smaller writing spelled out a short sentence. Three words.
Fall in love.
They were crossed out.
Nash’s heart stopped.
He read it over and over, saying the words to himself and seeing the neat line across the words she’d jotted down in secret, hiding them from him.
She’d fallen in love.
She’d fallen in love with him.
But she left you anyway, a voice in his mind said loudly.
If I’d hung in there and insisted we work it out, we would have gotten to be a family, his dad’s voice said in his head now.
Maybe he needed to fight harder and convince her to hang in there.
His phone buzzed, making him jump.
He sprinted to the phone resting on the sofa cushion and picked up so fast, hoping it was Kiran, that he hit himself hard on the side of the head.
“Hello?” he answered breathlessly, wincing at the ache before realizing he hadn’t even looked at the number that had called.
“Nash?” a female voice asked on the other end.
It wasn’t Kiran. His stomach plummeted. But he also had no idea who the hell it actually was either.
“Yeah?”
“Oh, hello.” The British accent grew familiar. “I hope you remember me. It’s Kiran’s friend, Payal.”
“Of course I remember you. Hi. Why… What can I do for you?”
“I wanted to let you know that Kiran went to India. Her father had a heart attack, and she left yesterday.”
He sighed. “Thank you for letting me know. But I did find out a couple of hours ago. She gave me a call.”
“Did she?” Payal sounded taken aback.
“She did.”
“Ah. I take it it didn’t go well, did it…?”
“I wouldn’t say it was a great conversation, no.”
“How are you, Nash?”
He was touched and surprised at the softness in her voice—the genuine care for a person she’d only met once but likely heard plenty of great (and not great) things about.
She mistook his silence for questioning and spoke again. “I’m not trying to be nosy. I wanted to check—”
“No, no,” he said quickly. “It’s nothing like that. I know you were looking in on me, and I appreciate it. I guess I don’t know where to start. I don’t understand… I mean, I do on a peripheral level, but it’s hard to catch up emotionally.”
“If it makes you feel better, she’s a mess.”
He gave a small smile and a shake of his head that she couldn’t see. “It doesn’t make me feel better.”
“Would you like to talk about it?”
“I found her list, Payal.”
“Her list?”
“The ones you all made…your adventures, or plans, or dreams, or whatever. She added ‘fall in love’ to the bottom. And she crossed it off.”
Weighty silence filled the air.
“Wow,” breathed Payal.
“Yeah,” echoed Nash in the same, awed tone.
“So what are you going to do?”
“I need to go to India.”
It was nearly comical how obvious it seemed to Nash. He’d hardly been out of the country—save for a trip to Mexico with Brandon’s family after college graduation—let alone across the world, and here he was now, talking about setting off on a journey for a girl.
But it wasn’t just a girl. It was the girl. Kiran needed him. And he would be there.
Silence hung between them for a split second, when Nash was certain Payal would try to talk him out of it.
“I think you need to go to India too.” Payal made the statement with a tinge of mischief that didn’t escape him.
“I don’t even know where I’m going.”
“Well, Dr. Hawthorne…” Payal schemed. “In that case, I happen to have her address.”
“You are a goddess, Payal.”
“Just a mere mortal, but I do try to be divine sometimes.” She laughed.
“Also, Payal? How did you get my phone number?”
“I called your office and asked for it.”
“And they gave it to you? Maybe I need to fire the admin…”
“I mean, would you turn me down? Can’t blame her, can you?”
Nash chuckled at her spunk, and it was as though he hadn’t laughed in years. He’d found an ally.
Despite the rush to look after Kiran and save the day, Nash had to be rational and patient. He booked a red-eye for the next day, allowing him and Payal time to coordinate a trip and find out details about Kiran’s stay. He called into work, requested an additional few days off in case his trip had to be longer than he anticipated, and packed a suitcase—after referencing weather reports because he had no idea what to expect. He let Brandon know he’d be away, eliciting a whoop of joy and promising to text when he landed.
Maybe he was crazy, crossing the world for a girl who had broken up with him.
While it was impulsive and whimsical at the time, he’d never been so thankful he had thought ahead to the inevitability that he would end up on a flight. He wished it wasn’t under these circumstances.
Though his meeting with his dad had reopened old wounds and Nash wasn’t sure how to heal them, he knew deep down there was wisdom behind Kirk’s words. The big gesture was real. And determined as he was not to live out his parents’ lives, Nash would do what it took to ensure he never had the same worries.