39
My Favorite Person in the World
Silver lining of being asked to disappear after a terrible scandal: as an introvert, I’d been training for this all my life. Two days after Logan had taken all the blame, public interest in me finally waned, judging by the way my social media notifications dried up. Still, I wasn’t taking any chances, so indoors I remained. I finally had the apartment sorted, anyway: I’d closed the blinds until the whole place was dark and forlorn—at first to block photographers and now simply for the ambiance—my pantry was stocked with chocolate bars, I’d hunted down every chenille blanket and draped them over me until I was shielded by a mountain of softness, and now I was curled on the couch with Patches, whose steady purring kept my serotonin levels high, all things considered.
I rubbed her ears until she closed her eyes. “It’s going to be you and me from now on. Just two golden girls living out the sunset of their lives.” True, I was only twenty-seven, but after these last few months in politics, I felt whatever age Patches was in cat years. Forget giving in to my inner sex goddess; it was time to cede the floor to my inner sexagenarian.
“This is your daily reminder that I love you.” I booped Patches on the nose, then lifted the remote. “Time to torture ourselves.”
I still couldn’t bring myself to sit through the news, what with the constant danger of Logan’s face cropping up. Instead of the real world, Patches and I had chosen to live in a sunnier one, burning through about two decades’ worth of romantic comedies during my two days of exile. But what we were about to watch had arrived in the mail from my mother: the final cut of the Happy Homes commercial. She’d attached a note that said, cryptically: Went in a different direction.
The opening credits flashed, white words against a black background: Directed by Elise Stone (in spirit). Then: Directed by Roger Akins and the Bayou City Film Crew (in terms of actual direction).
I shook my head. I never should’ve taught her how to use Adobe Premiere.
Logan appeared on-screen with a toothpaste commercial smile, walking through the main hall of Happy Homes. “Welcome to the happiest animal rescue in Texas.” He spanned his arms wide like Vanna White. I let out a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob.
The commercial cut to him kneeling down to pet two dogs side by side. “Where every animal is precious, and gets the care, attention and love they deserve. Whether they’re dogs—” The screen shifted to Logan wearing muck boots, out in the horse stables. “Farm animals—” It cut to him giving a thumbs-up next to a gerbil racing in a wheel. “Gerbils, hamsters, and rabbits—” Then it cut to him wide-eyed, trying to smile through terror as a thick snake was draped over his shoulders. “Friendly reptiles,” he quivered. The shot changed to Logan sitting cross-legged in the kitten room. “Or all the cats you could ever want.” On cue, the army of kittens barreled on-screen, running him over.
My jaw dropped as I entered the frame, crouching next to Logan. Elise Stone, you monster! She’d promised she wouldn’t get me on camera.
“You should adopt from Happy Homes because they’re all about love,” said Logan’s voiceover. On-screen, he and I grinned at each other. I sat up straighter on the couch.
“Come find your soul mate,” he said, voice rich and warm. “The next member of your family.” The shot shifted to him standing next to me, holding Patches, which made Patches perk up in my lap. On-screen, Logan and I smiled at each other over her head, eyes shining.
“You have no idea the love that’s waiting for you.” The commercial started to dissolve into a black screen with the Happy Homes address but I rewound it, freezing on the frame of Logan and me.
I’d never seen myself so happy.
Without warning, I burst into tears. I’d worked so hard to care only the appropriate amount. I’d pulled myself back in every situation, held my heart so carefully at bay, and it was all for nothing. Because there I was on-screen for everyone to see, adoration plain on my face. It had been there all along, hadn’t it? Even though he was supposed to be a one-night stand, I’d liked Logan so much—too much—that first night at the Fleur de Lis, and it only intensified with every day I got to know him better. There was no use telling myself to stop, because I loved him beyond logic and reason.
I loved him.
Banging sounded at my door, making Patches and me jump. I wiped my tears hurriedly, feeling like I’d been caught.
“Alexis!” Lee called. “It’s me.”
I stalked to the door and wrenched it open. “Why don’t you ever call first?”
Lee was in full politician mode, her business suit sharp, sunglasses dark and mirrored, lips crimson. “Because then you’d tell me not to come.” She breezed past me. “You look like you haven’t gone outside in days, by the way. Real bunker hole vibe.”
I followed her to my living room, tugging my blankets over my shoulders. “Yeah, well...you look like a villain from House of Cards.”
She sat on my couch and beamed. “Aw, thank you. I had back-to-back interviews today. Everyone’s asking if I knew you and Logan were fake when I endorsed him. Our phones have been ringing off the hook.”
“Oh, no.” I sank next to her. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think about that.”
She waved me off. “Please. I love going toe-to-toe with anyone who thinks they can badmouth you to me. Those clowns. Wait.” She leaned closer. “Have you been crying? The last time I texted, you seemed fine.”
I scrubbed my eyes and let out a tremulous “No.”
Lee inched closer. “Look, you were right about Logan, okay? He turned out to be a really good guy. The way he threw himself under the bus for you is all anyone can talk about.”
I ducked my head so she couldn’t see my eyes.
“Hey, Lex. Talk to me. We’re going to get through this, I promise. You can still be an activist or a union leader, even a politician. It’ll be the new family business and it’ll be great.”
My emotions balanced on a knife’s edge. The old habits were tugging at me, urging me to keep things bottled up, not rock the boat. Then, on the other side, was my burning desire to have a truthful moment with my sister finally.
I caught sight of the TV over Lee’s shoulder. On-screen, I glowed at a man I’d never been honest with, and now my chance was gone. There were too many shots I hadn’t taken. No more.
“You’re my role model,” I said.
Lee’s eyes widened in surprise. I didn’t try to hide the shakiness in my voice. “You’re the person I look up to most in the world. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be like you. And every time I fall short, it hurts.”
“What?” Her voice was faint.
“I’ve always known you were who I should strive to be. It was so obvious after mom and dad split. Dad admired you no matter what, and next to you, I think he barely saw me.” My voice broke. “But no matter what I do, Lee, I just can’t make myself be like you. I’m a different person, and I have to admit that. I don’t want a big, zany life. I’m happy with a small, quiet one. And after the last few months, and especially the last week, I think I’m learning to be okay with that, but—” I took a deep breath, summoning my courage “—I need you to be okay with it, too. I need you to stop pushing me to be someone I’m not. I want you to be proud of me for who I am.”
In the silence that followed I was too scared to look. Finally, I forced my eyes up—and when I did, I saw that Lee was crying.
“I’m so proud of you,” she managed to say. “Alexis, you’re my favorite person in the world.”
Before I could process, she leaned over and did the thing I’d been craving for so long: she hugged me. “I’m sorry I didn’t know you felt that way about Dad—I should’ve known. But instead of checking in on you, I pushed you away. I was just so hurt he betrayed us and then it felt like you were siding with him, and then we lost him before I could fix it, and I couldn’t ever... It was so painful. There was this physical block whenever I tried to talk about it. I had so many regrets. But because of that, I let you drift away from me.”
I pressed my face into her shoulder. “I never drifted. I followed you everywhere.”
“I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to...to hug you or just be close to you...but I held myself back.” She gripped me tighter. “Please forgive me. I promise I’ll do better.”
I squeezed her, unable to speak.
“And everything you said about me pushing you is true. But it wasn’t because I wanted you to be like me, Alexis—I wanted you to have it better. Telling you to use your backbone and everything with Chris and Logan and Will, I just didn’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. I didn’t want you to wait so long to find what fulfilled you, or settle for anything less than real love, healthy love. It took me so long to figure myself out. I wanted you to learn from my mistakes.” She laughed a little and pulled back to wipe her eyes. “I should’ve remembered you were always naturally smarter at these things.”
I dragged my shirt against my eyes. Even though they stung, and my head was cloudy from crying, I felt indescribably lighter. “I think,” I said carefully, “because we never really talked about the heavy stuff, some part of me worried that if I tried, I’d push you away. And I couldn’t lose you again. Our relationship felt fragile, and that hurt more than anything.”
She squeezed my hands. “Hear this: you cannot lose me. There’s no one in this world I love more. You’re my little sister, Alexis. You’re the greatest gift life ever gave me.”
When I pressed my hands to my face, she got up and ran to the bathroom, returning with a box of tissues. I took them gratefully, and while I dabbed my eyes, she glanced at my TV.
“Hey, that’s mom’s commercial.” Lee stared, then turned to me with a questioning look. “You and Logan...”
“I love him,” I said, unable to keep it inside.
Her eyebrows flew up. “You say this now?”
“Lee!”
“Sorry, sorry.”
I looked at the screen, where past Logan gave past me a tender look. “I think he had feelings for me, too. But I was so convinced it wasn’t possible, I wouldn’t let myself see it.”
She flopped back on the couch. “He certainly looks like a man with feelings.” She whistled. “Damn. What a time to fall in love, right in the middle of the biggest race of your life. I guess that explains why he blew up his career for you.”
We sat side by side, heads back, looking at the screen.
“He always put me first,” I said. “From the beginning. All I had to do was tell him education was important to me, and he let me co-own his campaign. He told me to date Will because he thought me being happy was more important than him staying safe. And then he took the blame for those photographs even though letting people think I cheated would’ve saved him.”
“Oof.” Lee winced. “That stacks up.”
“I was so convinced I wasn’t enough for him that anytime I thought maybe there’s something here, I told myself I was doing my normal thing of wanting too much from people.”
Lee shrugged. “It is a bad habit to keep expecting things from people who always let you down. You used to do that a lot.”
“Like with Chris.”
“Exactly. But it’s not a bad thing to put your heart on the line with someone who has a track record of showing up. That’s when you can be vulnerable without being a doormat.”
I groaned. “Why do I have to learn every lesson too late? Now if Logan wins the election by some miracle, I won’t be allowed to talk to him because I’m toxic. And if he loses, I’ll always be the person who cost him his dream. It’s lose-lose. I’m in love with someone I can never have.”
Lee reached over and squeezed my hand. “I may be new to doling out wisdom, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that people have to come to things in their own time. You had to change your relationship with yourself before you ever would’ve been happy with someone else, even Logan. And really, when people love each other, things have a way of working out. You can trust me. I’m your big sister.”