Chapter Thirty-Eight
Cassidy
I move away from the DJ’s speakers as I dial Luke’s number, praying he answers before I lose my nerve.
“Cass?”
Oh.
A chandelier could crash into the ground in front of me and it would affect me less than his voice. Pain squeezes me until I’m breathless. “Hush. Don’t say anything.”
“Before you start—”
“Luke!”
“If I could just—”
“Please.” I press my eyes shut as the ballroom swirls around me. “I need to get this out.”
He falls silent. I imagine his lush lips pressed shut, and I wince. That maddening, handsome face.
Gritting my teeth, I push on. “I hate the way things ended between us.” The crescendo of a loud rock song grips the ballroom. Bodies on the packed dance floor riot with excitement, jumping and singing like we’re in a club. It’s so loud it’s almost like the noise is coming through the phone. “You don’t get to unilaterally decide what’s best for everyone.
“You made me feel like the most adored person in the world, and then you just shut down. Pushed me away.” I work to keep the quiver out of my voice, but it sneaks in anyway. “It was terrible.”
“I know.” His exhale crackles in my ear. “I own that.”
“And,” I continue, “you did it in a way that made it impossible for me to fight for us because you put it back on me. Like you were doing me a favor, or it was a foregone conclusion that we couldn’t make it work, when it wasn’t mutual at all. I felt like I wasn’t worth the fight.”
“Please can I say something?”
“One more thing.” I lift my dress a few inches off the ground as I pace a path on the outskirts of the dance floor. “It hurt, the way you ended it. There are a million ways to break someone’s heart but that one was…” Raw sadness grips me until I have to pinch my eyes shut. I’m flaying myself open when I was supposed to be matter-of-fact. “It was so sudden. You checked out before I even walked away. I need you to understand how that wrecked me.”
It still wrecks me.
“I’m so sorry.” He sounds anguished. That makes two of us. “I regret hurting you more than you’ll ever know.”
I grapple to keep hold of the determination and fire that spurred me to call him in the first place when all I want to do is cry and retreat. Maybe an apology is the best I’ll get out of this, but I made it this far.
I need to say everything so it doesn’t haunt me.
“Telling you that you hurt me is only half the reason I called.”
“What else?” His words are steeped in a desperate sort of urgency. “What’s the other half?”
I visualize my silk and sequined gown as a cloak of armor. I pretend it can keep me safe as the truth of what I’m about to say threatens to spear me through the chest. “I love you, Luke. Whether you want a relationship or not, whether it makes sense or not—I love you. I love you, even if this is over. I didn’t tell you at the hospital because what I want and feel felt small and inconvenient in the face of what you were going through, but I can’t walk away from this without putting it out there. I had to say it out loud. I had to tell you.”
Seconds bleed together as everything in the world makes noise but him.
The DJ’s tunes vibrate through the ballroom, through my chest. Laughter and chatter meld together into a wall of sound.
Foolish hope blooms in my heart.
I told him because it’s true, and I knew there was a risk he wouldn’t want to hear it. But it doesn’t stop me from wanting him so much it hurts.
The longer he doesn’t speak, the faster my heart beats.
“Cass…”
I press my eyes shut, plummeting from my high.
The fast song wraps and the frantic sway of bodies stills.
The end. Just like that.
The live band returns from a break and relieves the DJ. A slow, drowsy ballad fills the room. Couples pair off for a romantic dance while other small groups link arms to sway.
It’s a beautiful moment for everyone else.
For me, this Elvis cover will serve as a reminder of the exact moment I told a man, “I love you,” and it wasn’t enough.
“It’s okay.” My voice breaks. “You don’t have to say anything. In fact, I don’t want you to. It’d ruin the moment. Let’s just—”
“You’re cute when you babble.”
I press the heel of my hand to my forehead. “What?”
“I can almost imagine you, pacing back and forth in your pretty gold dress, face all screwed up in determination.”
How nice he thinks my dress is pretty as I’m falling apart—
Wait.
“I never told you about my dress.” I blink toward the dance floor. “We never talked about the color.”
My heart swells as the piano player and singer strike a magic, harmonious chord.
He hums. “Didn’t we?”
“No. We didn’t.”
“Well, doesn’t change the fact that it’s pretty. Matches your hair piece perfectly.”
I fumble around my hair for the ornate accessory Isabelle picked for me. My pulse kicks into overtime. “Luke, are you—”
“Have I ever told you your eyes look like moonstones? Full disclosure: I didn’t know what moonstones were, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d seen your eyes somewhere before and scoured the internet until I figured out the source.”
I scan the dense crowd, gaze high, searching for a face. One I’ve mapped with my eyes and traced with my fingers.
He’s got to be here. Oh, the hope of it might kill me.
“I got you a little something to commemorate that search. Check your purse.”
Halting, I nestle the phone between my ear and shoulder as I rifle through my clutch. My fingers brush a tiny box that was not there before.
“How did you…” I flick it open, and a brilliant blue pendant strung on a dainty silver chain winks back at me. “Oh. Oh my gosh.”
A necklace.
“All your rings are silver, so I went with a matching chain,” he explains. “Gave the box to Will, who promised he could get it to Berkeley, who of course has full access to you. Will had to fight with the doorman before the ceremony started, but it sounds like you were all very distracted. He was able to slip in and get it to Berkeley no problem.”
I stroke the gorgeous stone with my thumb. “I didn’t see him.”
“He saw you pacing around with the bridesmaids. Must’ve been a busy time.”
Swallowing a surge of disappointment, I zip the box back in the clutch.
So that’s how Luke knows my dress is gold. Will told him.
Luke’s not here.
I dodge bodies on the dance floor, urgency draining from my body. “It’s so beautiful. Thank you.”
“You’re more than welcome,” he murmurs. “I wanted to make sure you had a piece of me.”
My hope deflates in a gust.
A piece of him.
This is a something to remember me by gift.
My hand moves to my chest as my heart constricts.
Another goodbye.
If this is the last time we’ll ever talk, I’ll fall apart. Pressure builds behind my eyes at the thought of it.
I can’t handle that tonight. I have to be on for my family.
Coming to a stop, I grapple for a way to save face and end this call. “Maybe we should set up a time to talk about…everything,” I say, hollowed out. “A phone call, or whatever you have time for.”
His exhale pierces my ear. “I’ve got a pretty loaded week.”
“Right.” I saw my lip between my teeth. I shuffle aimlessly through the fray, letting the dance floor swallow me. “I know you’re busy. Didn’t mean to assume—”
“How about now?”
The hairs on the back of my neck rise as I squeeze the phone to death. “Now?”
“Yes.” He emerges from a dense huddle of Mikael’s tall relatives congregating in the center of the dance floor. “Right now. Because I can’t wait another second.”
Possessiveness rips through me in one frantic slash.
My Luke.
His face softens when he meets my eye. “I needed to see you,” he murmurs into his phone. “Desperately.”
All my defensive walls collapse in a rush. My armor falls away.
He looks sinful in a charcoal suit, so polished and downright delicious it’s all I can do not to keel over. Seeing him is like plunging into the warmest bath.
“I love you, Cass. I’m completely in love with you. Your feelings are the most important thing to me. They are never an inconvenience. You’re it for me. And I couldn’t wait another day, or even a minute, to say that to you.”
The words tattoo themselves on my heart one at a time.
I can’t speak. I can barely breathe.
His smile hooks me around the middle and tugs me a step forward. I wade toward him like I’m in water.
“I love you speechless as much as I love you talking.” His voice blazes as his gaze holds mine. “It was never a question about whether I love you. It was always about having enough to give you. How we could possibly make it work. But, as it turns out, my future doesn’t work without you. Not anymore.” He steps closer, a sincere smile stealing his face and turning it into a precious work of art. “Cassidy Bliss, you really are something else. And thank God for that, because it’s exactly the thing I’ve been missing.”
The crowd has all but stopped dancing. Cousins, friends, and strangers alike form a loose circle. The bridal party, Berkeley, my dad—all eyes are on us. Their awws and whispers dance through the air.
Okay, we’re putting on a bit of a show.
A hand finds the small of my back.
Isabelle’s. And she all but shoves me. “Girl, run to that man. Don’t walk.”
A smile splits my cheeks.
Luke and I each take three steps, meeting in the middle.
He lowers his phone and then takes mine.
A striking, dark-haired man in a blue suit steps up beside him. “Let me take those for you.”
Berkeley also steps forward and tugs the man’s forearm. “They’re having their moment. Let them live!”
He levels her with a look. “I’m helping.”
I gape as Berkeley ushers him away. “Will? You brought a plus-one?”
Luke waves this off. “He’s my ride. You have our car, remember?”
Oh, do I love the word our on that man’s tongue.
His eyebrows furrow in determination. “Per your original point, I hurt you. And I’m sorrier than you’ll ever know. I have a lot to make up for. I don’t care what we have to do to make it work—we’ll make it happen. We’ll split time. We’ll live in a car. Whatever it takes, I’ll gladly do it, as long as you’ll let me keep loving you.”
Those baby hazels reduce me to a simpering mess. I’m dying from the effort of not touching him. “You’re forgiven.”
Hope flickers in his gaze. “Just like that?”
I shrug a coy shoulder. “If you promise to stop making our decisions unilaterally, yes. And if you grovel. Something tells me you’d be really good at that.”
“I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll get on my knees for you every day.” He strokes my cheek with his thumb. “For as long as you’ll let me.”
I lean into his touch. “You got yourself a deal.”
His mouth claims mine in a rush. With an arm around my waist, he dips me for a perfect, heart-stopping kiss as cheers press in on all sides.
My lips, my heart, every last part of me was always his for the taking. It’s as if our time apart was just a gasp, a breath. I never want to stop kissing this man, feeling the sure slide of his lips over mine, but there is so much else I want to do with him. I want everything.
We’ve only had mere days. I want forever.
I pull back and scan the crowd, biting back a swoony sigh. “Well, I guess it’s time.”
“Time?” He arches a brow.
“For you to officially meet the rest of the family, of course. And Berkeley, in person.” I gesture at the throngs of people.
“Only if you’ll introduce me as your boyfriend.”
Another word carved into my heart. Boyfriend. I can’t hide my giddy grin, and I don’t bother trying. “I like the sound of that.”
He puts his mouth on my ear. Electricity dances down the curve of my neck. “Excellent. Follow up question: do you think Berkeley has Mace?”
“It’s very possible.”
He nips my ear before pulling back. “Noted.”
I smooth his lapels, my smile sheepish. “Fair warning, I may have pissed Mom off a little. She may not be at her most agreeable.”
“What a relief.” He takes my hand and twirls me once before reeling me against his chest. The real world calls in the form of my loved ones, but we steal one more second, just for us. “I was beginning to think this might be fun.”
“It’ll be a disaster.” I gaze at the man I never saw coming, glimpsing forever in his eyes. “Our specialty.”