31
You see guns being pointed at people all the time on TV. It’s become so commonplace that I don’t blink whenever it happens on the screen. But in real life, oh man, in real life it’s very, very different. With the barrel of the gun staring down at me like a—well, there’s no comparison, it’s a fucking gun aimed straight at my face, how much more terrifying can it get? My legs turn to water, and as I take my first step, my knees wobble and I stumble forward.
The room explodes in a burst of “Don’t shoot!” “Aiya, no!” “No shoot!”
“Shh. Jesus, stop freaking out, please,” Maureen says to my aunties and mom.
“Sorry!” I cry, as I straighten up. “I just—I’m so scared. I can barely walk.” Come to think of it, I can barely breathe.
Maureen rolls her eyes. “I’m not going to shoot. Just go sit in that chair over there. God. You guys. Calm down.” She looks at her gun, as though remembering it’s there. “Right. Okay, look, I’ll point this elsewhere for now.” She lowers her arms so the gun’s pointed at my legs. I guess that’s a liiittle tiny bit better.
I practically crawl to the chair and sink into it gratefully. My entire body is basically a puddle. Now we know, when it comes to fight or flight, I am neither. I am: freeze like a hamster and then melt into a useless shivery puddle.
“Sayang, you are okay or not?” Ma calls out.
I manage a small nod and watch helplessly as Maureen stands and walks toward me. When she’s a few steps away, she says, “Don’t even think of jumping me.” It’s a laughable thought; my limbs are lead. Somehow, I manage to shake my head. Now she’s right in front of me, and my heartbeat is no longer a beat. It’s going too fast. It’s basically a buzz. Maureen swings the gun back, and my eyes squeeze shut instinctively. My family members draw a sharp intake of breath, and Ma cries, “Please no!” Oh god, here it comes.
But nothing comes.
I crack open one eye. Maureen sighs. “Dammit, I’ve been daydreaming of this moment for hours. I was going to pistol-whip the shit out of you.”
I cringe. Again, it’s something you see on TV, but now that I’m actually living it, the idea of being hit by a gun is sickening.
“But I don’t have it in me to do that.” Maureen sighs again.
A sigh of relief is just halfway out of my mouth when Maureen suddenly darts close and puts her face right up in front of mine, like a striking snake. Ma and the aunties cry out again. I jump back and smack the back of my head against the vanity mirror.
“Aiya! Don’t scare her!” one of the aunties snaps.
“Oh, shit! I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d jump like that,” Maureen says. “Are you okay?”
Dizzy, I sit back down. I think I nod.
“I won’t do that again. That was kind of an asshole move on my part. I just wanted to scare you a bit; I didn’t think you’d react like that. Geez, girl.”
“You are so naughty ah!” Ma scolds. “You don’t scare her like that again!”
To my surprise, Maureen looks contrite. “Sorry, Auntie. I won’t do that again.” She straightens up and brushes her hair back. “Okay, let’s get one thing straight: I need you to do something for me.”
I manage to croak out a single: “What?”
“The tea ceremony gifts, dummy. What else did you think?”
I must have looked confused, because Maureen rolls her eyes again and says, “Get them. For me.”
“Oh, right. How?”
Maureen throws her hands up. “I don’t know, figure it out! Trick them, tell them you want to take photos of the gifts. Hold the bride at gunpoint—no, not the bride. Hold the groom at gunpoint.”
“I don’t have a gun.”
“Here.” She fishes in her back pocket and throws something at me. A gun. The thought Holy shit, it’s a gun being thrown at me barely has time to flash through my mind before it hits me smack in the chest.
I don’t even register the pain. I’m scrambling to—something—I don’t know, I’m half-convinced the thing’s going to go off and kill somebody, when it thuds to the floor. I squeak. My family cries out again. Maureen shakes her head at me. “Dude, your reflexes, seriously.”
I pounce on the gun and grapple with it until I’m pointing it at Maureen.
Maureen frowns. “Okay, I’m not a TV villain, so I’m not gonna draw this out. That gun’s not loaded.”
I swallow. Look down at the gun. I’ve never touched one before. I don’t even know how to check to see if it’s loaded.
“You press the thingy,” Maureen says. “That button, yeah.”
The . . . ammo thingy slides out, and sure enough, it’s empty. I push it back into place and put the gun down on the dresser. “I don’t—I can’t point a gun at someone. Not even an unloaded one.” Even as I speak, I realize I’m absentmindedly wiping my hands on my pants.
“I mean . . . you get used to it,” Maureen cajoles. She waves her own gun and points it at me again. “See?” I wince and move my head so it’s not directly in the line of fire. Maureen lowers her gun again. “Okay, yes, it feels pretty shitty, but needs must, you know?”
“I don’t know!” I cry. “You don’t need to do this. Why are you doing any of it?”
“Because it all sucks!” she cries. “I don’t want to do any of it. It’s all gone wrong, the gifts weren’t even supposed to—they were supposed to be returned to Jackie once it all died down. I just wanted to—I don’t know, I wanted to—” Her voice wobbles, and she pauses to blink away her tears. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter now, because it’s all gone wrong and it’s all because of you.”
“Why me?” But even as I say it, it all comes rushing back. Of course. It IS because of me. Because I killed her partner in crime.
“Because you killed Ah Guan. He was supposed to help me with all of this, hide the gifts and then put them back and everything, and you killed him and—god, Meddelin. I may be a thief, but you and your fam are killers,” she says in this super-judgy tone of voice.
“What makes you think we killed him?” I say in my most innocent voice.
“I heard you guys talking about it round the side of the hotel as I was coming back. Sorry, Aunties, but you’re all very loud, and I speak Indo very well. And Chinese. You guys know how it is.”
“Wah, she speaks Indonesian and Chinese very well,” Ma says wistfully. “Your parents must be so proud.” She gives me a pointed look.
I ignore Ma. “Weren’t you being escorted off the island?”
Maureen shrugs. “I have a black belt in karate.” At my look of horror, she sighs and says, “I didn’t do anything, gosh! I just knocked the guy out a little and took his gun. That’s still not as bad as you guys killing Ah Guan.”
“We didn’t—I didn’t mean to! He was going to attack me. I panicked, and then when I woke up, I thought he was dead. Please, let my family go. They were just trying to help me; we didn’t know he was still alive when we put him in the cooler,” I cry.
Maureen digs a phone out of her pocket and taps on the screen. “Ha, got your confession on tape. Okay, here’s what’s going to happen: I’ve set this voice recording to be blasted on all of my social media in an hour’s time. If you don’t get me the tea ceremony gifts, everyone will know what you and your fam did. If you get me arrested or whatever, the recording will be blasted on social media. Get me the tea ceremony gifts and I’ll delete the recording and we can go our separate ways.”
“Wah, this girl very smart,” Second Aunt muses, nodding grudgingly.
“Iya, pinter ya,” Big Aunt says. “Meddy, should learn to be more like her. Very smart. Must do good business.”
Now it’s my turn to throw up my hands. “Seriously? She’s literally blackmailing us at gunpoint!”
Big Aunt tuts. “Aduh, of course we no mean you should point gun at people. But just saying, this Maureen very—what’s the word—so business-mind—”
“Evil? Crazy?” I cry.
“Hey,” Maureen snaps.
I gesture wildly at her. “You’re pointing a gun at me and asking me to rob your best friend. How much more evil can you get?”
“She see opportunity, she take it,” Second Aunt says. “You should be more like that.” Big Aunt nods, and the two of them look at each other for a moment, as though surprised to find that they’re agreeing with each other for once.
“But don’t point gun at people, very rude,” Ma says.
“Oh, well, I’m glad we have this distinction, at least.” FFS. My family, I tell you. They just know how to push all of my buttons. I’m never good enough for them, not even compared to a gun-toting homicidal robber.
Then I realize that the rage they’ve stirred up inside me has given me newfound strength. I’m so fired up. I need to find a way to prove them wrong, to show them that I’m not this useless ball of tears they seem to think I am.
“If you guys like her so much, then maybe she should be your stinkin’ photographer.” Even as I say it, I know how petty and childish it sounds.
“Aiya, Meddy, don’t be like that,” Ma says. “We only give you advice for your own good, must learn to be smart like Maureen. You see, Maureen want to take tea ceremony gift, so she got to think of every possibility.”
Maureen simpers. “It did take me a while to figure it all out.”
“You be good, you figure out how to take tea ceremony gift and save all of us, okay,” Ma says.
“Yep, we’re all counting on you,” Fourth Aunt says.
I shake my head in disbelief. “I can’t even with you guys right now.” I grab the unloaded gun from the dresser and stuff it into my back pocket.
“Okay, that’s way too obvious. It’s bulging out of your pocket,” Fourth Aunt calls out.
“They’re a lot bulkier than they look, aren’t they?” Maureen says, sympathetically.
“I don’t need help from you,” I spit out as Maureen reaches out.
“Okay, sheesh.”
“Meddy, don’t be so rude,” Ma says. “Maureen just trying to help.”
It takes all of my will not to scream at all of them. I grab my camera bag and take out two of my lenses, placing them with utmost care on the dresser. “Don’t touch these.”
“Yes, no touch, they are very expensive. You break, you pay,” Ma says.
“I won’t,” Maureen says, holding up her hands.
I stuff the gun into the bag and glare at them. “Right. So all I have to do is hold people at gunpoint before robbing them.”
“You can, I believe in you,” Ma says.
“Jia you!” Second Aunt gives me the traditional Chinese cheer.
“They’re so supportive. I wish my family were more supportive,” Maureen sighs.
“You can have mine,” I snap, and leave the room before I say something I’ll no doubt regret.