34
CORA
“Whoever would have thought the two of us would be here?” my mother asks.
I’ve been avoiding my reflection in the mirror since the moment I stepped into the white dress. But I risk a look up to see my mom standing behind me.
“Do you mean lacing up a wedding dress in the middle of the night for a forced marriage? Because if so—yeah, not me.”
Her smile falls. “I know you think this is the worst thing that could ever happen, but we were living on the street. We were in the gutter. Alexander saved us.”
“We jumped out of the pan and into the fire as far as I’m concerned,” I mutter.
She pulls harder on the laces, making me jolt. “Don’t say that in front of Alexander. You’ve made things complicated enough.”
They are the ones who made things complicated. They woke me up in the middle of the night. They are trying to wed me to a psychopath. What did they expect would happen?
But there’s no point in fighting back.
My mother stands back and smiles. “I think that’s it. You’re done.”
My heart quivers. I want there to be more laces to tie. More pins to stick into my already overdone updo. I’m not ready to step out of this room and face whatever is coming next.
Ivan said captivity is a state of mind, but it’s a place, too. It’s hell.
Hell is what waits for me outside that door, and while I swore to myself and to Ivan that I will fight tooth and nail to make it through this never-ending nightmare… I desperately wish I didn’t have to.
I’m just so tired.
Tears well in my eyes as my mom moves around me. She reaches up and dabs at them with a white handkerchief.
“Every woman cries on her wedding day,” she reassures me.
I snort. “Usually for different reasons.”
“Yes, well…” She shrugs. “Mikhail doesn't need to know that. As far as they know, you’re overcome with joy.”
“He won’t believe that.”
“Then make him believe it.” Her voice has a surprising edge to it.
I look in my mom’s eyes. She and I have never looked too much alike. She is shorter and softer and, ever since she met Alexander, her wavy hair has been tamed into low buns, her makeup subtle and nude.
“Make him believe it,” she repeats. “Because as bad as you think things are now, they’ll only get worse if you keep fighting. Let Mikhail take care of you. Let him keep you safe.”
“Is that what you did with Alexander?”
She holds my gaze for a few more seconds, something unspoken passing between us. Then she turns away. “Of course not. I love him.”
“Very convincing.”
Suddenly, my mother whips around me, her voice low. “You don’t seem to understand the danger you’re in now, Cordelia. Mikhail has put up with your protests so far, but he won’t forever. If you want this family to survive—if you want to survive—you’ll learn to take the hand you’ve been dealt.”
It’s the first time since I got here that I’ve seen a glimpse of my actual mother. A peek at the woman behind the facade Alexander has crafted.
She’s scared.
Maybe some of her fear is for me. The daughter in me would sure like to think so. But I know most of it is for herself. If I’m difficult, it might reflect poorly on her.
Before I can say anything, she steps back and smiles. “You look lovely, Cordelia.”
She’s receded back behind her mask. I don’t even recognize her.
Is that what I’ll have to become? A shell of my former self who tucks all of her thoughts and feelings and fears out of sight?
I want to keep fighting. But I’m not sure I can. Because she’s right: Mikhail will kill me if he doesn’t get his way.
My mother turns towards the door and panic washes over me. “Are you ready to get married, sweetheart?” She has the audacity to ask the question with a smile on her face. I’m not sure if she’s that deep in denial or if it’s an example of how I should behave. Smile. Pretend. Do what you must to get through.
I can’t bring myself to respond, so I just hike up the skirt of my dress and make my way across the room.
What is Ivan going to do when he finds out? This was never part of the plan. He promised he would stop this from happening.
More tears start to burn the backs of my eyes and I blink them away.
I can’t think about what was promised or what could have been. There isn’t time for that. The only thing that matters is now. And right now, I’m being married off to a lunatic.
A lunatic who will probably keep me under lock and key after we’re married. There won’t be any more need to convince the public of our relationship. Actually, keeping me out of sight will work in his favor. We’ll look like stereotypical newlyweds, too busy between the sheets to come up for air.
The lie makes my stomach turn.
Mostly because it isn’t all false. Konstantin was clear that he thinks I’m past my prime. I’m sure item number one on Mikhail’s to-do list will be me.
My mom opens my door and steps out into the hallway. For just a second, she ducks out of view. I hear her moving something in the hall, probably to make room for the long train of my dress. And that’s when I see it.
The letter opener.
Alexander didn’t take it with him after he knocked it out of my hand earlier. It’s still on the floor, half-hidden by the shadow of my bed.
I don’t think or hesitate. I lunge for it.
By the time my mom reappears in the doorway, her placid smile firmly in place, the letter opener is tucked under the neckline of my dress.
The next time I pull it on Mikhail, there will be no warning. He won’t see it coming.
I hope to God it hurts.