CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Adalyn
It was Cameron’s voice that returned me back to earth.
“Adalyn?”
I blinked, the screen of my phone now black.
How long had I been staring into blank space?
Everything was a blur. I didn’t even remember putting on one of Cameron’s shirts or coming to the kitchen. I just remembered opening Matthew’s email and needing to move. Feeling cold. Needing a glass of water. Needing to breathe.
“Adalyn?” Cameron’s voice came again, a panicked edge in it this time. I heard his steps, then his hands were around my face. “You need to breathe, love.”
Was I not breathing?
Air got stuck in my throat, making me gasp and giving me an answer.
Cameron’s eyebrows knotted, concern twisting his expression. He was right. Cameron had been right all this time. This had to be a panic attack. And it was something I shouldn’t brush off. I should see someone about it. I probably had triggers I should know about. I—
“I need to leave,” I croaked. “It’s my father. Matthew’s email. I need to catch a flight back to Miami.”
His hands fell around my face. He tilted my face back. Met my gaze. “Breathe.”
He was right, I needed to do that.
“That’s it,” he said, as I limited myself to inhaling and exhaling big pulls of air. “Good job, darling.”
The noise in my head started to quiet down. The thumping in my chest gradually came down. But then, new emotions seeped in. Guilt. Sorrow. Shock. Cameron must have been so scared when found me like this. So concerned, so blindsided by… me. I shook my head.
“My father is selling the club.” The words left me in a gurgle. The pressure in my chest rose. I focused on Cameron’s face. On letting the green of his eyes ground me. “To David, according to what Matthew has been told by one of the journalists in his network. And it has to be because of me. It has to be because Dad has no other choice after I messed everything up. David’s probably blackmailing him in some way, using me as collateral again. He must be exploiting the situation I put the Flames in with the video. Otherwise, Dad would never do that. He…” Something crossed Cameron’s expression. “My father would never sell.”
“None of this is your fault,” he said with confidence. Determination. That urge to make it better, to take the concern away from me. “You hear me? Nothing. You’re not responsible.”
Those words brought relief, but he… Why wasn’t he more shocked? What had that emotion flashing through his face been?
“Adalyn,” he said. Slowly, carefully. “Yesterday—”
It hit me then. “You knew.”
There was silence. A silence I didn’t want to understand.
I leaned back. I looked at his face. At that handsome face I loved so much. Yes, I did love many things about Cameron. But I—I made myself speak through the thick lump lodged in my throat. Even if it was just to repeat the same two words. “You knew.”
Cameron’s expression wavered but I knew he wasn’t going to deny it. He wasn’t going to try and play it down, either. Cameron wasn’t that kind of man. “I didn’t know for sure.”
I felt like my legs might double under my weight.
My mouth opened and closed wordlessly, until I managed to summon my voice. “How long have you known?”
“A day,” he said. “But I didn’t really know. Not for sure.” He retrieved his hands, reluctantly, as if he knew I needed the space but was unsure about letting go. “Liam, my former agent. He’s the one who heard the rumors. He only mentioned it because the Flames asked about me.”
The Flames. They’d asked about Cameron? What else had I missed? Clearly, too much. “I didn’t know,” I murmured. “But I should have known. All of this.”
“I don’t think your father wanted you to know,” Cameron answered so simply, so easily, that a part of me wished to be mad. But I wasn’t. I was confused. And hurt. His arm reached out, but he stopped himself. His hand made a fist by his side. “It wasn’t really an offer, and had it come to that, you would have been the first person to hear before I considered it. But that’s not what’s upsetting you.” He paused, and I— God, why was I feeling so… lost right now? Why did I feel like everyone was keeping me in the dark about my own life? “I was going to tell you about the rumors, love. But I’m not going to lie to you, I was going to wait until later today.”
And that’s what I couldn’t understand.
I should be packing my bags right now. I should be on a flight, going back to Miami to fix this. To stop this. To tell my father not to let David manipulate him, that I knew about the bribing. That he shouldn’t sell. But instead I was here, trying to figure out why I felt so… heartbroken. Betrayed.
Needing to think, to order my emotions and the whirling thoughts in my head, I pushed away. I put distance between us and stopped at the counter at the opposite side of the kitchen.
A strangled sound left Cameron.
I shoved away how horrible that made me feel, how much I hated being the one responsible for such a loud sign of distress, but I couldn’t articulate a thought when he touched me. All I felt was him.
“You knew what David was doing,” I told him, trying to understand. “You know how I feel about the club, too.” I shook my head. “And you were letting me stay here in this… fantasy world. Playing games.” I ignored the hurt in my chest at hearing my own words. “God knows what David must have done to make my father consider a transfer. This is all my fault.”
Cameron stepped in my direction. His mouth opened.
I held up a hand. “Don’t make excuses for me or what I’ve done. Not now, please.” I brought my hands to my temples. Closed my eyes for an instant. God. What was I doing? “I should be packing, not playing house with you.”
His jaw clenched so tight, I could barely see his lips. “This was never a game.” He took one step forward. And I moved back, the bottom of my spine hitting the counter behind. “I was not goddamn playing, Adalyn. And you told me yourself you understood that. Last night.”
“But you kept me in the dark,” I told him, in a low, quiet voice I didn’t like. Cameron’s mouth parted but no words came out. “Just like them. Even if it was only for a day.” I shook my head. “You know? All I’ve ever wanted was to be… seen. To leave a mark. To earn his approval and prove to everyone that I could be just like my father.” My own words echoed in my ears, as if I was hearing them out loud from my own mouth for the first time. “And now, it’s possible that I’m too late and I can’t do anything to fix any of this.” My voice broke, and I had to clear my throat before continuing. “I really wish you were right. I really wish this whole thing wasn’t a game, but life is one. And no matter how much I try, I seem to always, always lose.” I closed my eyes, my head too fuzzy. My thoughts meshing and mixing about. “My being here was always meant to be temporary, anyway.”
“Don’t,” Cameron said.
My throat felt tight, a spot between my chest and stomach turning too tender, too weak. “I need to go. I should have been on a flight by now. I need to fix this before it’s too late.”
Cameron stepped in my direction, so carefully, so slowly, that I wasn’t even sure he’d moved. “Adalyn—”
“No.” My head gave one brisk shake. I didn’t want to hear him excusing me. Or taking my side. I didn’t want to hear him saying that this wasn’t a game again. “You should have told me the moment you heard. Even if it was just rumors.”
“Maybe I should have.” His whole face tightened up, as if he wanted to shut down but couldn’t. Every emotion started bubbling up to the surface. His nostrils flared. “But that’s not what I did, so no.”
I blinked, taken aback by the blunt admission.
“No,” he repeated, firmly. “I did what I did, and as much as I hate that you found out like this, I don’t regret taking the decision not to tell you until I was sure of that really happening. You know why? Because I goddamn refuse to let them take something else away from you.”
That tender spot in my chest spread, growing larger, making me so vulnerable I was now terrified of his next words.
His barely controlled demeanor broke. “I meant it when I said that I see you.” He dropped his arm. “I fucking see you, and I see what your father has done to you. And what David has done, too.” The green in his eyes swirled with frustration, his mouth pursed, so close to a snarl. “For all I know, this could be that fucking crook spreading word to purposely hurt you. I needed to be sure that wasn’t the case.”
My eyes widened at the possibility of David being behind this. Behind the information that had been in Matthew’s email.
Cameron continued, voice softening, “I am a selfish man, Adalyn. And I wanted you to have this. I didn’t want him—them—to ruin today for you. This one thing you worked so fucking hard for. I couldn’t care less about the little league, but I was bloody winning this for you. I wanted you to go to the game and be fucking ecstatic. Not a worry in your mind. Smile and laugh the way you so rarely do. Have a good time with me and the girls and collect the joy you deserve. The goddamn love you don’t need to earn. That’s what my selfishness makes me do.”
The tips of my fingers started to feel funny. Numb. And tingly. All at once. “Don’t tell me to smile more. Or worry less.” I clasped my hands together, scared they’d start shaking. And the odd sensation spread out and up my arms. “I am who I am.”
“I know, love.” His voice wavered. “I don’t want to change you. I wouldn’t change a single thing about you, as much as sometimes you drive me absolutely insane.” He shook his head, as if lost for an instant. “You are who you are. And I love that. Let those goddamn smiles be rare as long as they’re mine.”
You are who you are.
And I love that.
Let those goddamn smiles be rare as long as they’re mine.
Mine.
My heart dropped to my feet, and God, that stupid hole that had opened in the middle of me pulsed, pounded with need, demanding to be filled.
The words barely made it out of me when I spoke, “That’s beside the point.”
I regretted my words. Almost immediately. It wasn’t beside the point. What he’d said… it had been everything. Every single thing.
Cameron’s gaze didn’t falter. “That’s all right.” He took a step forward. “I’ll be your punching bag.” Another step. “I’ll be whatever you need me to be. I’ll jump on a flight and hold your hand. I’ll help you break something with your bare hands. Fuck, I’ll just stand there and watch.” He reached me, and my whole body reacted to him. To his closeness. To his words. “Anything you need. You want to go now. We’ll go.”
You are who you are.
And I love that.
“I don’t need you to protect me,” I told him, and I wished I believed my own words. I wished I wasn’t feeling like all I wanted was to jump into his arms. But that only made me the same woman who’d lost control of her life that day. The same woman who couldn’t keep a hold of her emotions. “This. This is why you didn’t tell me. You don’t trust that I can handle things. On my own. And I might deserve that after what happened with Sparkles and every time you’ve seen me lose control, but I’ve been handling things on my own my whole life, Cameron. And I’ve been fine.”
“Don’t you think I know?” He huffed, and that’s when I knew he was breaking. Cameron was breaking down. “I know you don’t need me, or anyone else. I know you’re more than okay on your own. Jesus, Adalyn, that’s what pushes me to want to guard you like a goddamn dog.”
His hand cupped my face then, and God. It felt so right. His touch so comforting, so warm in that way that made me feel so alive. I closed my eyes.
His voice softened. “You’re so strong, so fiercely independent, that I want to keep you happy and safe before you have to.” He caressed my jaw. And only then I realized my teeth were clattering with restraint. “I trust you. Not even once have I doubted you’re capable of withstanding a single thing that life throws at you. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to stop anything from ever hurting you again.”
My heart pounded recklessly in my chest, reverberating in my temples and head. I closed my eyes, making the effort to pull oxygen into my lungs. In through my mouth. Out through my nose.
That’s what pushes me to want to guard you like a goddamn dog.
In through my mouth. Out through my nose.
I trust you.
But did I trust myself?
I opened my eyes. “You should take the job with the RBC. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime.”
Another of those strangled sounds left him. And my heart thrummed in my temples now. Take back the words, a voice in my head begged. Take them back. Ask him to go to Miami with you today. Don’t do this alone when you don’t have to.
“No,” Cameron said. Stated. Firmly. Not even a trace of doubt in his voice. Stubborn, hardheaded man. His perseverance only made me want to scream. Cry. Be in his arms. “It was never up for consideration, but now it’s not even an option that would ever cross my mind. I’m not leaving.”
My heart pounded so hard, so loud, that when I said, “Why?” I didn’t think I heard the word. “Why wouldn’t you take it? England is your home.”
Cameron’s jaw tightened. His hand dropped. “Don’t.” He shook his head. “Don’t make me say the words out loud. Not now. Not right before you try to push me away.”
The words.
What words?
The ones that were trying to barge right out of me?
I guessed it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter whatever he thought was being left unsaid. Because as much as I understood why he’d kept this from me, we no longer belonged to the world where nine-year-olds played soccer, where we attended fall fests and shared a cabin.
It was time for me to go back to where I did belong.
At my silence, Cameron’s eyes closed. He only stood there, like that, for an instant. Then, he walked away.
There was a long moment in which the only sound was my shallow breathing and his steps as he moved toward the door. And I kept thinking how much of a mess I’d made for someone who had kept it together for such a long time. For someone who’d been accused of not showing enough emotion so many times.
Let those goddamn smiles be rare as long as they’re mine.
I brought my hand to my chest, failing to soothe the tightening vise squeezing my heart.
“Did you really mean it, love?” he asked, and only then, I realized he was looking at me from the door. He hadn’t left. “When you told me you wouldn’t mind if I was the one to slay your dragons.” Something in me broke. “Did you mean that?”
I had meant it. With every ounce of who I was.
But everything had changed now. This wasn’t about taking his guest room or working with him on the team. It wasn’t about accepting needing his touch. The bubble had burst, the fairytale had torn, and I’d dropped to the floor with a thump. Just like my mother had predicted. This was real life. And my father was selling the club I’d considered home my whole life to the man who’d used me to manipulate him.