34
Three’s a Crowd
“Wow, what a...healthy amount of champagne.” Will’s eyes widened as I snagged not one but two flutes off the server’s tray. “You really love weddings, huh?”
I felt my cheeks heat under the extra layers of blush I’d swiped on to be as glamorous as possible for Will. Tonight was his boss’s wedding, and we were at the Four Seasons Hotel downtown, a dark wood-paneled, marble-floored venue right on Lady Bird Lake that was a little too rich for my blood, though Will and his fellow doctor colleagues seemed at home. From the moment I’d arrived, I’d heard Logan’s voice in my ear, whispering about the peacock parade, and I’d been trying to drown him out all night with champagne and cake and dancing. But it was a wedding, which meant love was on display everywhere I turned, and though Will was right that I did normally love them, on the heels of Logan’s more-or-less rejection, attending this wedding felt like death by a thousand paper cuts. I’d cried during the vows, which was typical of me—I just hadn’t corrected Will when he’d handed me his pocket square and whispered, “I love how happy you are for them.” That should have been the reason I’d teared up.
I looked at Will, good-natured teasing shining in his eyes, and resolved to put Logan out of my mind once and for all. “Actually,” I said, holding up one of my flutes, “I’m celebrating. Here’s to picking yourself up after a fall. To having good instincts about danger and learning to listen to them. And to getting closure.”
“Cheers,” Will said, and clinked my glass. I took a long, fortifying sip of champagne, letting the bubbles tickle my throat. It had been a little more than twenty-four hours since Logan had dismissed me in his office. And though my instincts begged me to stay home and wallow, there was no way I’d miss Will’s big event. So through sheer will, I put on the mantle of new Alexis, who did not crumple after rejection, but instead had a steel spine and a sense of purpose and, most importantly, a fancy yellow dress from Rent the Runway that demanded to be worn.
“About your toast,” Will said. “I’m really sorry about the teachers union switching to endorse Mane. I heard it on NPR this morning. Sounds like the betrayal’s hitting you hard.”
“Let’s not talk about the campaign.” I downed the rest of the first glass and suppressed the urge to hiccup at the bubbles. “How’s the hospital lately?” This was Will’s night, after all. I gestured with my empty flute at the sharply dressed people in the ballroom around us. “They seem like a pretty fun crew to work with.” Will’s colleagues had been kind to me all night, even if Will didn’t seem particularly close to anyone, lending evidence to Lee’s claim that he hadn’t found his people yet. No wonder he’d really wanted a date.
“It’s actually been hard lately.” Will’s face softened. “One of my favorite patients isn’t doing so well. Her surgery didn’t have the impact we’d hoped.”
The worry in his voice was sobering. Here Will was dealing with a real problem, one that put my small troubles into perspective. I took his hand and squeezed it. “I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope she improves.”
He squeezed back. “Thanks.” Then he shook his head and smiled. “Enough of that. Sorry. We’re here to have fun.”
“Dr. Laderman!” called a crisp voice, one I recognized from the ceremony.
Will and I turned to find the two grooms striding toward us. Dr. Samuel Kelis, chair of the cardiology department and Will’s boss, was a tall, distinguished Black man with graying temples. His new husband, Morgan, was only a little taller than me, with bright red hair and freckles, and from what I’d gathered was an independent filmmaker in Austin’s burgeoning film scene. They walked up to us with their fingers laced together, beaming.
“Having fun, Will?” Dr. Kelis held himself rather formally, each word spoken with sharp elocution.
“Yes, sir,” Will answered. “A great time.”
“Congratulations,” I gushed, unable to help myself. “Your wedding was gorgeous and you make a beautiful pair.”
“Dr. Kelis, Morgan, this is Alexis Stone.” Will beamed at me as I dropped my empty champagne glass on a nearby table and shook the two men’s hands.
“Double-fisting.” Morgan’s eyes gleamed. “I like the way your protégé’s date rolls.”
Even though Will’s whole face brightened at the word protégé, I flushed and thrust the second glass of champagne at Morgan. “No, this one’s for you.” God forbid Will’s boss think he was dating a lush.
“Even better,” Morgan said, and whether or not he believed me, he happily accepted the champagne.
“You too make a charming couple,” said Dr. Kelis. He nodded stiffly. “Well done.”
I felt like I’d just been blessed by the Pope. I shot a glance at Will and saw everything Dr. Kelis did: how handsome Will was in his suit, his genuine smile. Being Will’s girlfriend would be easy and uncomplicated and happy. I could practically see it.
“We’re going to continue making the rounds,” Dr. Kelis said. “Enjoy yourself, Will. But not too much, since you’re on call tomorrow.”
“That’s my husband.” Morgan winked. “It’s his wedding night and he’s still thinking about the hospital.” The tease sounded like an old joke between them.
“Will do,” Will said nervously. “I mean, won’t do.”
When the grooms walked away to greet another couple, Will bent his head down and whispered, “A little intense, right?”
“A lot intense.”
He looked at our empty hands, then around at the ballroom. “So...we’ve checked all our boxes... Do you want to leave? I’ll get an Uber.”
“Lead the way, Dr. Laderman.”
As we waited outside the hotel for our car, a cool breeze blew past, rustling the trees that shrouded the valet circle and making me shiver. “Good old Texas. Fall is finally coming in.”
Will slipped his arm around me. “A good excuse to hold you.”
I glanced up at him and caught my breath. His smile was so warm. Before I could think, he bent down and kissed me, gently at first, and then when I leaned in, he deepened it. It took me a long, protracted second before I realized what we were doing.
“Oh, no.” I wrenched back. “We’re in public.”
“Shit. I totally forgot.” We both spun, searching the street in front of the hotel with the obviousness of the world’s worst secret agents. We were downtown, which wasn’t great, but as I scanned, I saw no camera flashes or telltale signs of paparazzi. Just a bunch of regular people going about their business.
“I think we’re safe,” Will said. “I’m really sorry again. I think it’s all the hospital shifts. My brain is melted.”
“No big deal.” I was being paranoid. It’s not like I was famous or anything. People weren’t following my every move.
Our Uber pulled up. Automatically, Will reached for my hand, then caught himself and shook his head. “See? This is why I’m a surgeon and not a spy. Can’t pretend for anything.”
“Come on.” I laughed, opening the car door. “Let’s get you out of public view.”
He caught the door. “Hey, Lex... Do you want to make this a one-stop ride?”
Oh—so that was how you propositioned someone. I swallowed thickly. You are not sad about Logan, I reminded myself. So what if he didn’t feel the same way? You have Will, and Will is great. Going home with him after a beautiful wedding is great. Everything is great. “Yes. I’m great—I mean, that sounds good.”
Twenty minutes later, Will and I were walking up the tree-lined path to my front door when he froze and patted his suit jacket. “Oh, no. I think I left my phone in the Uber.”
“He’s at the end of the street—run!”
Will spun and took off to hail the departing car. I continued up the sidewalk, clutching my yellow gown, talking myself up—having Will over was no big deal, this is exactly what you wanted—when I turned the corner and came face-to-face with Logan, sitting hunched over on my front stoop. He jerked up, a tired smile breaking across his face. “You’re home.” He blinked. “And you’re all dressed up.”
I stared at him, heart pounding. “What are you doing here?” Logan looked like he hadn’t slept for a week. His navy suit was rumpled and there were dark circles under his eyes. “Are you wearing the same clothes as yesterday?”
He rubbed his face, laughing bitterly. “Yeah, well, I haven’t left the office since I saw you.” He pulled something out of his pocket. “I did stop to get this on the way, though.”
It was a pack of red-tipped darts, topped with a red bow. Queen of hearts, he’d said. Numbly, I accepted it.
“Figured you might want to use me for target practice after how we left things.” He gave me a tight smile. When I didn’t smile back, still caught in shock, he cleared his throat. “Right. Look, I came as soon as I could. I know we need to talk, in person and probably at length, so I’m not going back to the office until—”
“I got it!” Will crowed, rounding the corner and brandishing his recovered cell phone. He did a double-take when he saw Logan. “Oh. Hey, man. What are you doing here?”
For all my powers of imagination, I couldn’t have dreamed up a more uncomfortable scene. My heart stopped its frenetic pounding and simply sank at Logan’s face—because for once, I could read his expressions clearly. Surprise, then a recoil, as if he’d been hit. Then his politician’s training took over and he masked it, producing a thin smile. Somehow, that smile was the most painful of all to witness.
“I—” Logan’s voice came out too thick. He cleared his throat. “I didn’t realize the two of you had plans tonight.”
“It was my boss’s wedding,” Will offered. I still couldn’t speak.
Logan’s eyes darted to me, then quickly away. “I think I misunderstood something. I’m sorry. I’ll let you two get back to your night.” He pushed away from the stoop and cut into the lawn to avoid walking past Will and me.
I watched Logan retreat for a single desperate moment before turning to Will. “Can you give me a minute?”
He frowned. “Everything okay? He seems...tense.”
“I’ll explain later. Just—stay right here, okay?” I took off as soon as Will nodded.
Logan was making great time, booking it down my street. I rushed after him as fast as I could in my dress and heels. “Stop!” I called. “Logan. Please.”
He came to a halt near a lamppost. When he swung to face me, I expected to see anger or frustration, but he was stone-faced.
“I’m sorry.” The words flew out, knee-jerk, as I made it to his bubble of light on the dark street.
“You have nothing to apologize for.” Logan scrubbed both hands over his face and then...left them there. I resisted the urge to pull them back. Finally, he did it himself. And this time, all I saw was weariness. “I’m the one who owes you an apology. I shouldn’t have shown up like this. I thought you wanted to talk because...well, I thought after the library, you wouldn’t...” His gaze jerked back to my apartment, where Will was waiting. “You know what, never mind.” He shook his head. “All I seem to do lately is make the wrong calls. Mess things up, one thing after the other. I honestly think I lose my mind a little when I’m around you.”
“You didn’t mess anything up.”
He laughed and looked around. “I kissed you, Alexis. I promised you when we started that you’d never have to worry about me crossing lines. And I’ve worked so hard—” His voice caught. “I’ve worked so hard not to. Then I made a mistake.”
A mistake. There, in black-and-white, was the verdict I’d spent so much time wondering about: Logan thought our kiss was wrong. That’s why he’d come tonight. To tell me he was sorry and it wouldn’t happen again. “I kissed you back,” I said, my pride forcing me to say it. “If it was a mistake, we both made it.”
He blew out a breath. “Like I said, you have nothing to apologize for. I’m the one who crossed a line, then I was rude to you, then I spent thirty-six hours in the middle of a crisis with half my head in the game and the other half wishing everything would disappear so I could find you and fix it.” He glanced in the direction of my apartment. “At least I clearly didn’t mess up you and Will. Since you were on a date...”
“Yes.” Why did I feel a pit in my stomach confirming it? Yes, we’d kissed, but Logan didn’t have feelings for me. He’d made that clear a few times now. So I didn’t owe him an explanation.
He nodded, his Adam’s apple bobbing, like he was trying to swallow my yes fast.
“I’m not mad at you,” I said quickly. “Everything’s okay.” It was my oldest instinct, the lesson I’d learned from my father: repair the relationship. Swallow the fact that he’d hurt me so I didn’t lose him. Whether he was just a friend or something more, Logan was too important. Jesus, when had this man become so important to me?
He laughed. The bitterness was back. “Okay, Lex. If you say so. Well, whether you’re angry or not, I’m still sorry.” His eyes fell to my lips and lingered. With effort, he finally pulled them away. “I should go. I really need to sleep.”
“Don’t,” I said, but I couldn’t think of what to say next, a reason to keep him. The thing that always happened when I got overwhelmed was happening now: I couldn’t parse my thoughts. All I knew was I didn’t want him to leave.
Logan put his hands up, walking backward. “Trust me, I need to go before I say something else that messes everything up.” With one last look, he turned, and I watched him walk away in his wrinkled suit until he melted into the night.
When I made it back to my apartment, Will was leaning against my front door. “Alexis.” His voice was wary. “What’s going on with you and Logan?”
Of course Will had seen us talking. And of course we’d looked anything but professional. As soon as Will asked, the fog in my brain cleared and I knew what to do. As Nora had said, even romantic love was about your values, about putting your beliefs about the way the world should work into practice. And I believed in honesty and fairness.
“I’m sorry, Will.” I wanted to slump against the wall, but I forced myself to deliver this straight-backed, with the dignity Will deserved. “It’s gotten...complicated with Logan. And you deserve better.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“I do. You’re an incredible guy. In another lifetime, I think we could’ve been perfect.”
Will gave me a small, wistful smile. “But this is the lifetime where you met him?”
The answer was clear in my face. He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. “Then I’ll see you around.”
“See you at Lee and Ben’s wedding,” I said, then wished for a sinkhole to swallow me. I’d never been on this side of a breakup before. It turned out I was bad at it.
Thank God Will was kind. He just smiled again and said, “Take care of yourself, Lex.” Then he became the second man of the night to walk away from me.
Alexis Stone: honest, fair, and alone.