Chapter Twenty-Four
Three days later, Thomas texted Mika. I’m thinking of growing a mustache.
Mika sat in a glass-walled meeting room, papers fanned around her. Gus liked her work on the collaboration model so much he’d asked her to help on another. I know you can handle it, he’d said, voice brimming with confidence.
Please don’t. Mika thought an immediate response necessary.
You’re right, he said two hours later. I should definitely get an ear piercing.
Penny would hate that, Mika said as she left work.
To which he said: All the more reason to, then.
If you’re going to do it, better to really commit and get both ears pierced, don’t you think? Mika answered when she got home. She popped a meal in the microwave and sat down to eat, phone on the table in front of her, awaiting Thomas’s reply.
It’s a bold statement, he said just as she took her first bite.
She chewed thoughtfully and answered, You could pull it off.
Eight days later, on Thursday, Mika was just shutting down her computer when Thomas texted again. The boyfriend is taking Penny on an all-day date Saturday. Hiking at some waterfall. I asked her if I could tag along. Even offered to pay.
Mika waved to Gus through the glass walls of his office. “Have a good weekend,” he called, poking his head out. She wished him the same. I hope you were joking, she responded.
Half joking, he shot back almost immediately.
So not coming this weekend? No church? Mika asked, sitting in her car with the windows rolled down. It was still bright out. And blistering hot. She waited for him to reply. They’d actually made plans for the weekend together. On Sunday, Penny, Thomas, and Mika were supposed to attend services with Hiromi and Shige.
Still coming. Still going to church. But I’m going to keep my flight arriving tonight, too late to switch.
Mika chewed her thumb, thinking. Saturday she had plans to go to a winery with Charlie, Tuan, Hayato, and his new boyfriend, Seth. Hey, I have an idea, she typed.
I love ideas, said Thomas.
Since Penny will be busy on Saturday, why don’t you come out with my friends and me? We’re going to a winery in the afternoon, then maybe some bars after, which will mostly entail a lot of dudes with ironic facial hair.
Mika’s toes curled in her shoes, the action of someone about to skate on thin ice. This was different than last-minute kayaking. This was inviting Thomas out to meet her friends, to be a part of her life. Yet somehow . . . it also felt natural, right. Her chest squeezed, waiting for Thomas to respond.
I’ve always longed to immerse myself in ironic facial hair culture, he said.
Mika smiled warmly. Now is your chance. Seize the day. You in?
He responded instantly. I’m in.
* * *
What should I wear? Thomas wrote Saturday morning. Suit and tie?
Mika grinned. Each time Thomas texted, she got a little excited but pretended she didn’t. Those weren’t butterflies fluttering in her stomach. Not at all. Did you happen to bring a tux?
Seriously? he asked.
No, she replied, although she wouldn’t mind seeing Thomas in a tux. Thomas in jeans and a T-shirt was just fine too. All too well, she remembered watching him walk from Hana’s room the morning after he’d stayed over, that little slice of stomach as he pulled his shirt on. I mean, if you wore a beret, I wouldn’t hate it.
I’m wearing jeans, Thomas said.
Maybe a jaunty scarf around your neck? Mika asked with a smile, a bite of her lip.
I’ll see you at one, Thomas answered.
Mika picked Thomas up at his hotel and drove them to Charlie’s. “I’m sorry Penny didn’t want to hang out with you,” she said. They passed a bank, a guy on a unicycle.
Thomas stretched his legs. “I shouldn’t feel bad. This is how it’s supposed to be, I guess. You go along guiding your kid in one direction, then find out they want to go off on their own, jump ship. You hope you’ve given them enough wisdom to be okay.”
Mika frowned. “Sounds like you basically train something you love to eventually leave you.”
Thomas’s eyes bored into Mika’s for a few heavy beats. She felt the heat of his stare on the side of her face. “Exactly.”
“I’m not sure I like that.” She shifted, focused on the road. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Thomas smile crookedly.
When she pulled up, the grape-colored tour van was already waiting, along with Charlie at the curb. Charlie waved at Mika behind the wheel; her smile grew wider seeing Thomas in the passenger seat. As soon as Mika was out of the car, Charlie trotted over to her.
“Mika,” she said in a voice that was a touch higher and giddier than usual. “This is a surprise. I didn’t know you were bringing anyone. Hi, I’m Charlie.” She stuck out a hand.
Thomas shook her hand. “Thomas,” he said.
“Ah, Penny’s dad. Lovely to meet you,” Charlie said, her smile blinding.
“I figured it wouldn’t be a problem since we paid for eight.” That’s how many the van seated and the group minimum. The friends had divided the payment equally among each other.
“Oh, it’s no problem,” Charlie said. “No problem at all. The more, the merrier, I always say.” She stared at Thomas expectantly.
Thomas shifted on his feet and looked away.
“Should we get going then?” Mika interjected.
“Um, oh yeah,” Charlie said, springing to life. “Let’s go. Everyone is already on board. Not that you’re late or anything. Besides, I always say better late than never . . .” She trailed off. “Go ahead. After you.”
They started toward the van, Thomas in front of them. Mika paused, her foot on the step leading up. What is wrong with you, she mouthed to her deranged friend.
Charlie’s mouth split into another broad smile. Oh my god, she mouthed back. They boarded, and Charlie announced, “Look, everyone, Mika brought a friend.” And Mika was thankful for the dark interior, that it might hide her embarrassed blush. She shouldn’t have invited Thomas. What had she been thinking? She’d acted on impulse, something she hadn’t done in a long time, since before Penny, before Peter.
Mika flopped down into a black cushioned seat, and Thomas settled in next to her. “Sorry,” Mika said. “Charlie is being weird. Maybe she started drinking early.”
“It’s fine,” Thomas said, kind of stiff.
Well, they were off to a torturous start. Hayato cleared his throat. Introductions went around from there. Tuan to Thomas. Thomas to Hayato. And Seth, Hayato’s new handsome blond boyfriend, to everyone. “Nice to meet you, man,” Seth said, shaking Thomas’s hand.
“You too,” Thomas said.
They pulled apart. Seth sat back down next to Hayato. The van was moving and everyone just kind of sat there, staring at Thomas. “Hey, I think you’ve got something,” Seth spoke into the silence to Thomas, “in your collar there.” He flicked the back of his own shirt.
Thomas frowned and felt along the nape of his neck, coming back with a tag between his fingers. “Right. New shirt,” he admitted flatly. “I bought it this morning at a shop near the hotel. Apparently untucked is the look these days . . .” He drummed his fingers on his knees.
“I like it,” Charlie interjected. “Tuan should get the name from you.”
Tuan leaned in and asked about the store, what hotel he was staying at, if Thomas liked the area. Mika heaved an unsteady breath and turned to Hayato and Seth. Easy conversation took hold, and sixty minutes later, the van wound up a hill, following the route like a lazy cat’s tail.
The van slowed and stopped with a hiss. They shuffled off and outside into the bright late afternoon sun, where a sommelier greeted them. She wore a fleece vest with the winery’s name embroidered on it and escorted them to an overlook, beyond which the valley stretched, rows and rows of verdant grapevines. A gentle breeze twisted through Mika’s hair. The sommelier announced that the lunch and tasting would begin soon and invited them to play one of the games on the lawn—croquet, horseshoes, even a giant Jenga tower.
“Check it out.” Seth squeezed Hayato’s hand. “Cornhole. Anyone want to play?” Seth glanced around the group, obviously searching for a partner.
Thomas stuck up his hand. “It’s been a while, but I used to play all the time in college.”
Seth kissed Hayato and Hayato patted his bum. “Good luck, babe.”
Mika gave a half-salute to Thomas. “Have fun.”
They were off, setting up the boards and beanbags. It didn’t take long for Charlie, Tuan, and Hayato to close in around Mika. “Whoa.” Mika stepped back. “Personal space much?”
Charlie smiled benignly. “He bought a new shirt,” she stated.
Mika shrugged. “Yeah, so?” The sommelier set up the wines, glasses, and plates at their table a few feet away. “Hey, Tuan, don’t you want to take Charlie for a walk in the vineyard before the tasting starts? It looks super romantic.”
“No.” Tuan’s smile was anticipatory. “I am here for this.”
“Let’s talk about Seth instead,” Mika said.
“Seth’s great. I am into him. I am pretty sure he’s into me,” Hayato said, then added, “You know what I buy new shirts for?”
Thomas’s laugh tripped over on the wind; it wrapped around Mika, threatened to carry her away. She dug her feet into the ground. “You buy new shirts all the time,” Mika said pointedly. It was true. They spent their lunches going through websites, riffling through men’s and women’s wear, deciding what colors suited their Japanese complexions best—never yellow.
“For dates,” Hayato clarified. “I buy new shirts for dates.”
“That’s not what this is.” Mika’s denial was quick. Too quick. “He’s Penny’s dad.”
Charlie tilted her head. “So?”
“So?” Mika parroted back. “It’s a line I’m not willing to cross. Besides, I’m not even sure if he wants to cross it . . .”
“Oh. He does,” Hayato said all-knowingly. “New shirt. And untucked too. Men wear untucked shirts to draw attention to their . . .” He glanced down authoritatively.
Mika rose up on her tiptoes. “I think our table is ready.” In another life, she might have dreamed of someone like Thomas. A family with Penny in it. But this was the universe tempting Mika again, a tidal wave waiting to drown her. She wouldn’t dip her toes in the water a second time.
Mika left and sat at the table alone until Charlie joined her. They watched Thomas and Seth for a minute. Mika focused on Thomas, how he’d rolled up his shirtsleeves, the flex of his wrist as he threw.
“It’s a little scary, isn’t it?” Charlie asked.
“Again, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sometimes it was even scarier to admit you were afraid. But the truth was . . . the truth was Mika was afraid. Ever since Peter, she’d been subsumed by futility, too scared to paint, to travel, to love, to laugh, to take risks. She’d folded up like a piece of origami. Making herself smaller and smaller, a piece of paper slipping through the cracks of life.
“It’s okay to want things, you know?” Charlie said quietly. “And it’s okay if it gets messy. Things have a way of working themselves out.”
Spoken like a true optimist, Mika thought. “But what if they don’t?”
Charlie arched a brow, didn’t back down. “But what if they do?”
Touché. The two fell quiet. Mika watched Thomas again. She thought of Penny, of that day in the art museum, of peering at that painting depicting Icarus’s fall. She let herself contemplate falling. Could it be worth it?
* * *
“We’ll be featuring a pinot and pie tasting today.” The sommelier held up a bottle and poured splashes of ruby gold into each glass. “You may notice the fresh fruit aromas.” She swished the wine and smelled to demonstrate. “Raspberry and strawberry are accented by herbs and savory spices on the nose.”
“Cheers!” Charlie held up her glass. The six sipped and spat. “Oh, I almost forgot,” Charlie announced. “I brought party favors.” She dashed from the table and returned with a bag. She dipped into it and produced a stack of black felt hats.
“You weren’t joking about the berets,” Thomas whispered. Mika snickered. He’d kept his sleeves rolled up, and there was the slightest glinting of sweat along his hairline from playing cornhole with Seth.
Charlie half rose from her seat and handed out the berets. She loved party favors, costumes, themed foods—anything a little extra. She passed one to Mika with a smile.
“You’ll look great in this.” Charlie smiled, giving Thomas a beret.
“Do I have to wear it?” Thomas asked, rotating the beret around his finger.
“No,” Mika said, and at the same time, Charlie said, “Yes.”
“When in Rome.” Thomas fitted the beret on his head, and Mika had to admit, it looked pretty dashing on him. Charlie sat back down next to Tuan with a smile.
“I also brought a game,” Charlie said happily, taking a stack of index cards from the bag. Groans circled around. “Shut it. We’re going to bond meaningfully. Starting with . . .” She turned over the first index card and read from it. “‘Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?’”
They paused as the sommelier introduced another pinot, something energetic with dark fruit and woodsy spice notes. Tuan took a sip of the dry wine and swallowed. “I’ll go first,” he offered. “Just one thing?” he asked.
“Just one thing and why,” Charlie confirmed.
“Definitely my Bumblebee Transformer. I’ve had it since I was twelve, and I want to give it to my kids someday,” Tuan said.
Charlie smiled, and Hayato offered to go next. “I guess I’d rescue my manga collection,” he said.
“I’m with you two,” Seth said. “Childhood memorabilia all the way. I’d take my baseball cards.”
Thomas’s turn. He stretched out his legs, knee colliding with Mika’s. Her stomach flipped. “Well, most of my important documents—insurance papers, passports, birth certificates, that sort of thing—are actually in a fireproof box,” Thomas said sheepishly. The group gave him a collective thumbs-down. “Okay. Okay.” Thomas held up his hands. “I’d take my wife’s ashes. For obvious reasons.”
Mika felt as if she’d been doused in cold water. She didn’t blame Thomas for wanting to save his wife’s ashes. But she couldn’t help but feel Caroline’s presence lurking. Caroline, the ideal wife, the ideal mother, the ideal woman. All the things Mika could not, would never be.
“What about you, Mika?” Charlie asked.
Mika stared out into the valley. She thought of the packages from Caroline. The letters and photographs of Penny stuffed in her dresser drawer. Everything else she might live without—clothes, makeup, etc. “Pictures.” She paused, stomach bottoming out. “Of Penny. Which reminds me, I should probably make digital copies. Hana is bound to burn our house down someday.”
Thomas smiled at Mika, and she felt the warmth of it radiate through her skin.
“I’d also take my guitar,” Tuan added. “While our house burns, I would serenade you.”
Charlie seemed extraordinarily pleased by this.
Mika pretended to puke in her lap. “If you say you watch her sleep, I am going to throw myself from this overlook.”
“That’s just hyperbole and very bad,” Charlie said to Mika with a frown. She sighed. They waited as the sommelier poured glasses of their final tasting—another pinot characterized by its elegance and soft finish.
“Alright. Next question.” Charlie picked up an index card and read it. “‘For what in your life do you feel most grateful?’”
“Good friends,” Hayato said.
“New friends,” Seth said. The two kissed.
“Charlie, obviously,” Tuan said.
“Oh, we’re definitely playing slow jams tonight,” Charlie said, kissing Tuan right on the lips. “What about you?” Charlie turned toward Thomas and Mika.
“That’s easy,” Thomas said. His lips had the slightest stain of purple. “My daughter, Penny.”
Mika stretched out her legs, her gaze connected with Thomas’s. “Same,” she said. They smiled at each other. Conspirators. Their love for Penny tucked between them.