Chapter Thirty-Two
NASH
When he woke up the next day, Nash thought he’d been spared the pain of a tough workout—one he didn’t expect to get through dancing to Bollywood tunes.
Then he sat up.
Aches coursed through his abs like he’d done multiple circuits of crunches and push-ups. He put his bare feet on the floor of his bedroom, and his calves screamed in agony from all the moves he’d been taught that required bouncing on toes.
Kiran’s culture was hard-core.
As he stretched out, he laughed a little to himself at the introduction he had to Kiran’s life and then winced as the knots in his back unwound themselves.
After he used the bathroom and let warm water soothe his muscles in the shower, he entered his kitchen for a smoothie.
Kirk’s letter sat on the counter, unopened, and Nash stared at it for the millionth time, wondering if he should read it.
Between work and Kiran, he hadn’t been home often. He had wanted to be there for Kiran while she was stressed about her family. Her anxious eyes gnawed at him when they were together, as if she was asking him whether this was worth it, and he was full of determination to prove they were.
Since Kirk hadn’t been a part of Nash’s life in ages, ignoring the letter and moving forward was second nature. Forgetting about it had been surprisingly easy. Kiran’s relationship with her parents, however, was a part of her day, and the silent treatment her parents were giving her affected her more and changed the way she operated.
To tell the truth, he didn’t get it. The entire situation was foreign to him. He didn’t understand having concerned parents, though he could recall plenty of times when Aunt Kate reprimanded him for not listening to her or for being stubborn. Having an authority figure in the family wasn’t a strange concept.
But the ultimatums and the threats of disowning Kiran were what confused Nash. While he hadn’t left Nashville often when he was younger, he had certainly read enough to understand that in some parts of the world, a child’s job was to take care of their parents after a certain age. He didn’t, however, understand why marrying someone different could impact a family so deeply.
Kiran had tried to explain to him the concept of caste. It seemed like discrimination to Nash, though he didn’t say so. She attempted to break down the idea that families from her area weren’t as contemporary and that they worried about what would happen to their families because they already fought to survive on a daily basis. But he couldn’t imagine his parents having a say over who he dated when they had nothing to lose. He didn’t understand the concept of village justice and the panchayat either, especially because India was a democracy. How could a small council run a village, and how could a giant government allow that to happen?
All he could do was be there for her and promise her that he wouldn’t leave because things were difficult. She was too important to him for that.
He also couldn’t help but hope she wouldn’t leave either.
He had a few hours before he had to head back to the office to finish some paperwork, and the letter was beginning to eat at him.
Instead, he picked up the phone.
“Nashy!” Kate exclaimed into the phone.
“Hey, Kate.”
“What’s wrong?”
“How do you know something’s wrong?” He didn’t think he had any tells.
“I have a feeling.”
“You freak me out when you do that.”
“Well, I know you, baby boy. Also, you sound like you got hit by a bus.”
“I got a letter from Kirk.”
Silence filled the line. Nash couldn’t gauge whether Kate’s temper was about to explode or whether she was in shock.
“Wait, your dad?”
“Don’t call him that, Kate. He hasn’t been around since I was little.”
“I’m sorry,” she said in a hushed tone. “What did he want?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t open it.”
“Why not?”
“Because…I don’t know if I want to know what it says.”
“Why wouldn’t you want to know?”
“He’s been gone twenty-five years.”
“What’s the harm in opening it?”
Jesus Christ.
“Kate, if you keep answering me with questions, I might actually lose my mind.”
Finally, Kate laughed. “Sorry, buddy. Do you want my advice, or do you want me to listen?”
“What would you do?” Nash finally asked.
A thoughtful pause ensued. “I would open it.”
“Really?”
“Now who’s asking the questions?”
“I’m surprised. You hated him for leaving Mom and me behind… I’m taken aback that you’d want to know what he said. For years, you said he had no excuse.”
“I’m thinking on your behalf, Nashy, not as your aunt. As a person, I think what Kirk did was despicable, cowardly, and fearful. But for you…given that you’ve lost your mom, you have a chance to have a parent again.”
“I don’t know if I want one. I’m thirty years old now. The years of needing a father around are long gone, you know?”
“Sure. That’s true. But there are still lessons you can learn from another adult in your life. Even if he left for the years where you needed a dad, there’s no reason he can’t grow to be a friend now.”
“Do I want a friend who would abandon his wife and leave his kid?”
“That’s for you to decide, honey. You have to navigate whether you want a relationship with him—if there’s something to salvage.”
“He abandoned us.”
“Then maybe this is your chance for closure, to stitch up old wounds, and not be so alone.”
“I’m not alone!” Nash protested more vehemently than he intended.
“You’re not alone. We’re all with you. But, sweetheart, you know that these things can have long-term effects. Please consider your own mental health and then make a decision.”
Nash hung up soon after, ruminating on what Kate had to say. His thoughts went back and forth, so he picked up the phone again and called Brandon to ask his advice.
“You know what I remember about us being kids?” Brandon asked.
“I bet you’re about to tell me.”
“The look on your face when I’d mention my dad. It got to the point where I felt bad mentioning him—and that’s not a guilt trip—just that I would watch your face fall and then be excited for me because I got to do something cool with my dad. But there was still that split second where I knew you felt sorry.”
“And you think now is the time to change that?”
“I think now is the time to see if you can repair the damage that’s been done…and if not, then you did beautifully without him, and you’ll keep on doing awesome things anyway.”
“Thanks, B.”
“Also, if it makes you feel better, he’s still a dick for what he did.”
That prompted a laugh.
Nash hung up for the second time and held the letter in his hands. Perhaps he’d get an answer for why he wasn’t wanted. Or maybe his dad died and someone else wrote it. Whatever the reason for this note, he might as well find out.
Dear Nash,
It’s been a long time and I’m sure you have questions. To be honest, I’m not sure I have all the answers, but I’d love the chance to speak with you or, even better, meet in person. I know I’ve been absent over the years. There isn’t much I can say to fix that now. I know it’s my fault we didn’t have those years together. But if you’re willing to give me a chance, then perhaps we can make up for lost time.
Love,
Dad
Nash skimmed the back of the paper to see if anything else was written on it, but it was blank. Frustrated, he crumpled it up and threw it in the trash before sitting on his couch with his head in his hands.
I’d love the chance to speak with you or, even better, meet in person.
Nash had just hurdled over the first bump in the road, and now he was hitting a brick wall with the idea of meeting Kirk in person. Kate’s and Brandon’s words about mending old fences played in his mind like a broken record, but Nash wondered whether the damage could ever truly be fixed.