Chapter 26

"Shit," I say, turning and walking back to the car and grabbing the coffee from the middle console that I forgot. "Take three," I mumble to myself, closing the car again. I look up, seeing Clarabella waiting for me.

"Listen, I don't know what they did to you on that island. I know you said you did nothing but relax and chill all week long," she tells me when I get close enough, and we start walking up the stairs in unison, "but ever since you got back, your brain has been so fucking forgetful. I get it's hard to get back to the grind after vacation, but this is ridiculous, especially for you." I want to shout at her that I know, but if I do that, she’ll know something more is bothering me and right now, I'm not ready to discuss it. When I got back to the office on Monday, they were both waiting for me and wanted to know all the details, but all I told them was that we just relaxed and enjoyed the weather. I was lucky that my mother came in, and the talk changed, and they couldn't ask me more questions that I didn't want to answer, especially since my head was still spinning about him wanting to date me. All I could do when he left was look at his plate and then look at the door again. For whatever reason, I thought he was going to come back and be like let's talk about this. But he didn't. Instead, I got up and put the plates away and got ready for work. Because that was what was expected from me.

"Why, thank you," I say, turning back to the screen and avoiding her. It's been two days since Ace left my house, two days of me pulling up his number on my phone and then closing it off. Two days of sitting on the couch replaying the past week in my head. Two days of replaying every single time I should have told him how I felt about him. Two days of wishing that I could erase the last two days.

"What are we talking about?" Clarabella asks, coming into my office with her coffee in one hand and her notepad in the other.

"I'm telling her how she looks like shit." Presley fills her in on what we were talking about.

"I was going to say that you were looking rough." Clarabella moves my purse to the couch and then comes back and sits down. "But I figured you knew."

"How the fuck would I know?" I lean back in my chair, and my head feels like it's about to get a headache, and it's only nine o’clock.

"I'm assuming you are looking at yourself in the mirror." Clarabella chuckles. "If you aren't, you should be. You have like dark circles under your eyes."

"You looked great when you got home," Presley informs me. "But then where did it go wrong?"

"Great," I say, ignoring them as they start the meeting about the wedding on Saturday. I grab my notes, and I'm half listening to what they are talking about before my mouth starts talking. "Should I be dating?" I ask, and they both stop talking and look at me, each with surprise on their face.

"I'm sorry, what?" Clarabella says, closing her leather binder that she keeps her notes in. "I don't think I heard you."

"Are you shitting me right now?" Presley asks, shocked. "Like, are we actually having this conversation?"

"What?" I shrug my shoulders. "I'm just asking. I mean, Joseph was dating while we were about to get married. So, it's not strange if I'm thinking about dating now that I'm single."

"Who would you even date?" Presley asks and then looks at Clarabella, then they look back at me, waiting for me to give them a name.

"I don't know," I reply, avoiding their eyes because truth be told, I do know who I would date. I would date him in a heartbeat if I wasn't so fucking scared of the gossip that I let it take control of me. I was also scared of my image and how it would look if I started dating right away. With the guy whose girlfriend was fucking my fiancé. Would they think he took pity on me? Would they think I was taking pity on him? The questions are endless, but one thing is for sure. I miss him. I miss him so much. Not just his touch but also his smile. His voice. His laughter. "I haven't thought about that part yet. I'm just asking should I be dating."

"Well, I'm all for fall off the horse, get on the bull," Presley says, and we all look at her. "What?"

"You've been riding that same horse since you were eighteen," Clarabella says, and her mouth just opens wide in shock. I mean, it's no secret that she has a thing for Bennett, but we've never said it out loud. It’s been rough the last couple of years since he works about two hours away and only comes to town a couple of times.

"I've ridden a dozen horses." She crosses her arms over her chest, and we both know she's lying. "And don't look in my barn while you think no one knows about you trying to ride that horse that left town." She mentions Luke. He and Clarabella were working side by side as our main food vendor, who left town out of the blue a couple of months ago. Clarabella says it doesn't bother her, but I'm not sure about that one. The two of them were friends in college and drifted, but their paths crossed again when the kitchen caught on fire, and he saved the day.

"And you let him," Presley says, and all I can do is laugh at how my problem became about everyone else, except for me.

"This talk has been amazing," I say to them, putting my hands on the desk and getting up. "Some would say it's even been eye-opening."

"Okay, hold on for a second," I urge before this goes out of hand. "I don't want to date anyone."

"You just asked if you should be dating," Presley says. "And you don't want to date anyone."

"I don't want you guys to find someone for me to date is what I'm trying to say." My head spins. "I was just asking if I should be dating."

"What does that even mean?" Clarabella asks. "Either you want to date or you don't want to date."

"It's not that easy," I say, huffing.

"It's easier than that," Presley says. "All we have to do is sign you up for a dating app and let them do all the work for you."

"No." I shake my head. "Can we for once just not blow everything out of context and pay attention to my words?”

"We aren't blowing anything out of context," Clarabella pouts, folding her arms over her chest.

"We are giving you options," Presley says. "Let me ask you a question.

"Why do you think you shouldn't date?" she asks, and I just shrug my shoulders.

“Because a couple of weeks ago I was going to marry someone!” I finally shout. “I would be married right now if he didn’t fuck up and send me that email.” It takes me a second to let the pain come, but sadly, nothing but anger fills me. “Can you imagine I would have been married, and he would have still been with Sheila?”

“If you ask me, he did you a favor," Clarabella says. "Can you imagine you would have been married to him and then found out?"

"Or had kids and found out?" Presley adds. "Then what?"

"I don't know then what," I whisper, sitting down now. "I guess I'm lucky I found out when I did."

"How is Ace?" Clarabella asks, and I almost have whiplash when I look at her.

"What do you mean how is Ace?" I try not to let my voice rise. "How would I know how he is?”

"You spent a week with him on an island," Presley says the words slowly. "At a honeymoon resort. Was he as depressed as you were?"

"Um," I say, trying to find the words. "He was sad." For about a day, I say in my head, and then we fucked for the whole week, and to be honest, neither of us mentioned anything about Joseph or Sheila. I didn’t even think of Joseph until I got home, and they told me that they got rid of his shit. “He wanted to know if I knew and when I thought it happened.”

“I wonder if Sheila went to see him,” Clarabella says, and just the thought makes me ill. Like I am going to be physically ill with the thought of her going to him.

“I’m going to make a list,” Presley says, getting up. “Just so we can know who is in the playing field.”

“Oh, dear God,” I mumble when they start to walk out.

“Are we putting Bennett on that list?” Clarabella jokes with Presley.

“We should also add Luke to that list,” Presley says, and they both tell each other to fuck off, leaving me alone with my thoughts.