Chapter Twenty-Seven

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Rosie

I chuckled.

Lina shot him a look.

Taco whimpered at my side, and the man I’d spent an outrageous amount of time checking out on our drive to my place muttered under his breath, “Whatever. I’m not covering for you with Aaron. I like him and I’m sure there’s some bro-code I’d be breaking.”

Lina rolled her eyes. “Aaron knew what he was doing when he let me borrow his car. He’s the one who told me I shouldn’t be scared of New York traffic, smart-asses.”

Lucas grazed his hand over the small of my back, bringing a powerful rush of awareness to my skin even at that brief of a touch.

Letting out a laugh, I shook my head. These two were ridiculous, and there was no way I was surrendering the bag to him.

Lucas narrowed his eyes.

Lucas ignored Lina’s comment and went for the suitcase resting at my feet.

I did, too, because I only had an idea what she might have meant. Plus, I was too busy pinning Lucas with another hard look. I lowered my voice. “You shouldn’t be taking anything heavy.”

He seemed ready to fight me, but he said, “You’re right.”

My lips parted, and I…

I hadn’t expected him to say that, but I liked that he had. A lot. Too much.

I wanted his hands on me again, just like earlier today, but this time I wanted more. This time, I wanted all of him.

Lucas’s eyes hooded. “Preciosa, don’t look at me like that. You’re only making it worse.”

Lina cleared her throat loudly, and when I glanced at her, her eyes had turned to thin slits. “What are you two whispering about?”

With a sigh, I turned to my best friend. “Here.” I placed my key in her palm. “You go first. We’ll get the rest.”

Shockingly, Lina didn’t question me, just called for Taco and headed for the staircase.

I grabbed the lightest bag I could find—one with a pillow—and placed it on Lucas’s shoulder. Then I retrieved the suitcase he thought he was taking upstairs. “There.” I patted his chest. “Up you go, Martín number two.”

He grabbed my wrist, a wild, all-powerful sensation flooding my body under his touch. I looked up at him, the heaviness and lust dissipating slightly when his lips pursed into the cutest pout.

I snickered. “Don’t be a grouch,” I told him, trying to keep the tone light. “You can’t win all the time. Now up.”

He scoffed. “I’m a ray of sunshine.” Lucas’s gaze tipped down to the fingers that were around my arm. He moved my hand so it lay against his chest, right over his heart. “I just… want to help.”

He didn’t want to; he needed to. And I understood that.

So, I splayed my fingers over his sweater, making sure he felt my touch through the layers of clothing that separated my hand from his skin. And only when he seemed as distracted as I was by that, I told him, “Your being here with me. That’s all I need from you.”

I was looking straight at him, so it was impossible to miss the way his face changed when my words registered.

He probably wanted to talk about what had happened today, or last night, because we hadn’t and we really, really should have. But once again, this wasn’t the time, so I cleared my throat and said, “Let’s go. Lina is probably wondering what’s taking us so long.”

With a nod, he headed up.

A little over two hours later, we had all my stuff up and the big mess the contractors had left behind was cleaned up.

I chuckled and Lucas scoffed with disbelief. “I think the several ten-minute breaks you took to snack on Pringles cancel out the workout, prima.”

My pulse rose, because I could see what was flickering in those two brown eyes that were on me. I could feel it on my skin.

Lina cleared her throat.

I ripped my gaze off Lucas, clapped my hands. “All right. Thanks so much for helping out, guys,” I said, standing up. Taco nudged my leg with his head. I crouched and planted a big kiss on him. “And thank you, too, for being the handsomest of them all.”

Lucas grunted, and Taco went immediately to him. He seemed to relax slightly.

My gaze slid to the loveseat where Lina was sitting, and it hit me then that there was no reason for them to hang around. There was no reason for Lucas to stay. He’d return to Lina’s studio. And soon, he’d return to Spain, too.

Panic swirled inside of me, making my next breath a little harder.

I blurted out the first thing that crossed my mind. “You guys want to eat something? The fridge is empty but I can order pizza.” I turned to my best friend, because if I looked at Lucas, I might do something very stupid. Like jump in his lap and beg him not to leave. “It’s the least I can do.”

Lina sighed, clasping her hands together under her chin. “I promised Aaron I’d pick him up from InTech after I was done here.” She stood up. “And I’ll take any chance I have to get him out of there early. Because one day, I’ll have to rip his ass off that office chair before he fuses to his laptop.”

I nodded, debating whether I should tell Lucas that if he wanted to stay, he should. That I really wanted him to.

But then, Lina spoke again. “So we should really get going. I’ll drop Lucas off before heading into Manhattan. It’s on my way.”

I didn’t even know if Lucas wanted to stay, and he wasn’t saying anything.

Grabbing my phone from the coffee table, I checked the time. “Okay, sure. Then, you should really go if—”

My head swiveled in his direction so quickly I almost got dizzy.

He met my gaze with determination.

Lina spoke. “You can call Alessandro’s on our way back.” She picked up her coat and purse. “He’ll have your order ready by the time I drop you off.”

Lucas’s eyes didn’t leave mine when he said, “Maybe I’m hungry now.”

My heart rate sped up, the poor, hopeful organ climbing up my throat.

I heard Lina’s exhale.

I watched Lucas breathe very slowly through his nose, almost as if he was gathering strength. And for the first time ever, I was shocked to see him snap.

I had to stifle a gasp. “Lucas.”

Lucas’s eyes fluttered closed, and he said, “Sorry. I’m sorry. I—Soy un gilipollas.”

Lucas stood up and pulled Lina into a hug. “Soy un idiota,” he told her. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I might need that nap.”

My chest tightened at Lina’s words. I’d been such an awful friend keeping this from her.

The two Martíns broke the embrace, and next thing I knew I was in my best friend’s arms. “I’m not mad,” she said just for me. “You’ll tell me everything, I know that. And I’ll be there when you’re ready, okay?”

A strangled sound left my throat. “Okay.”

God, she really was the best.

When she released me, Lucas was there, as if he’d been waiting in line to get his hug. And I… Ugh. I couldn’t wait to throw myself in his arms. In his warmth, his scent, his strength. He wrapped his arms around me and I felt him drop a silent kiss on the side of my head, close to my ear. Then, he whispered, “Buenas noches, preciosa.”

Taco nuzzled at my feet, a whimper leaving him.

But I didn’t say a word to any of them. And it was probably for the best. Because I would have probably said something stupid. Something like “Stay.”

Stay for good.

So I limited myself to watching Lucas, Lina, and Taco leave, and a few minutes later, I was alone. Again. Just how I’d been before Lucas had slipped into my life and somehow made himself… irreplaceable.

Only it wasn’t. Not really.

Because I already missed him, and that was crazy. It was… ridiculous. Outrageously so. But there was this beating, breathing thing inside of me, demanding to be let out.

And just like that, it was as if a lightbulb had lit up in my head. One that was wired to the organ in the middle of my chest. I grabbed my laptop bag, pulling out my computer and plopping back down on the couch. I opened my manuscript and did the only thing I had known how to do once upon a time. I wrote about every single thing I didn’t know how to… handle. How to process. Every fear in my head, every powerful emotion raging in my heart, every terrifying question, and every suffocating certainty. Every hope. And I just wrote. I released them into my story, so I was able to untangle them the best way I knew. On paper.

Hours later, I was lying in bed. Wide awake.

I’d somehow managed to work until past midnight, and I’d thought that the exhaustion from the day and the productive writing session would knock me out. But nope.

I stared at the dark ceiling of my bedroom. Stealing glances at my phone. Wishing it would light up with a message or a call. Wishing I was brave enough to grab it and reach out myself.

But the screen remained pitch black. The device silent.

I wasn’t daring to do anything about it, and I was driving myself crazy.

Squeezing my eyes closed, I let out a groan.

There were so many unwritten rules about how women should behave with men they were interested in. Men they’d kissed and wanted to kiss again and again and again. But this was Lucas. This was me. It didn’t feel like those rules should apply to us.

I had seen him naked, beautifully imposing as he stood under the stream of water, with his hand on his dick. Hurting for me. Vulnerable. Powerful.

And before that, I had kissed him in the rain, not caring about anything but his lips, as they moved around mine.

I had danced with him to our soundtrack, spinning in his arms while I bathed in his laughter.

I had comforted him when he’d had nightmares, wishing I could take the fear away.

I had let him hold my hand in his when I needed someone to comfort me. And I’d let something that had started like an experiment turn into something real.

The rules didn’t apply.

I was a grown-ass woman. I didn’t need a reason to send a message to him. To my friend. To one of my best friends. To the man I couldn’t stop thinking about.

I started for the phone. “Fuck it—”

And in that exact moment, the screen lit up.

Heart in my throat, I scrambled for it, managing to tangle my legs in the comforter and flinging myself to the ground. “Ouch! Dammit.”

From my position sprawled on the carpet, I stretched an arm and grabbed the device from the nightstand, not bothering to return to the bed. It was a text.

Lucas: I might have separation anxiety.

My lips stretched into the biggest, most ridiculous grin ever, and my fingers rushed to type an answer.

Rosie: I thought only pets got that.

Lucas: You’re up.

Lucas: Did I wake you?

Rosie: Nope. I was wide awake. I’ve been working for hours.

Lucas: That makes me happy. How many words?

Rosie: Lots

Lucas: That’s my girl.

Lucas: You must be exhausted, though. I should let you go to sleep.

The thrumming in my rib cage rose to my temples as I came up with an excuse to keep him with me.

Rosie: Don’t worry. My brain is still on so I can’t sleep.

Rosie: You could… keep me company? Maybe?

Rosie: Until I fall asleep.

Lucas: Oh yeah? You’d like that?

Rosie: Yep.

Lucas: Well, you’re lucky I’m an excellent entertainer and great company.

Lucas: Most of the time.

Rosie: I know.

Rosie: All of the time. Even when you’re a grouch.

A picture appeared on my screen. It was a selfie, and he was frowning. Pouting.

Lucas: a grouch like this?

Lucas: I still think I look handsome. Sexy, even.

He did. He always did.

Another message came in.

Lucas: would you entertain me, too?

Lucas: send me a pic.

Lucas: for the sake of my separation anxiety.

Lucas: I’m scared I’ll forget your face.

Rosie: are you… flirting with me, Lucas Martín?

Lucas: is it working?

With a nervous snicker, I snapped a selfie and sent it.

Lucas: is that… the floor? Why are you laying at the foot of the bed?

Oops. My Lucas-hazed brain hadn’t thought of that.

Another photo of him popped up on my screen. It was taken from a longer distance, as if he’d stretched his arm to snap the shot so I could see that he was lying in bed. On top of the covers. Shirtless. His glorious, glorious chest on display, his tattoo peeking out of a corner of the screen.

Lucas: This is how beds are meant to be used, Ro. You lay on top of them.

Rosie: thank you for the lesson, professor.

Lucas: What can I say? I’m well versed in the many uses of beds.

Rosie: Oh?

Oh?

Really, Rosie? Oh?

I could have done much, much better. Much sexier. But my brain was… scattered.

Lucas: don’t sound so surprised.

I waited, thinking of how to answer. But he beat me.

Lucas: have you forgotten this morning? Because I haven’t.

Lucas: it’s all I’ve thought about.

Lucas: well, not all. I’ve thought about that shower too. About you coming so sweetly.

I stared at that word on my screen, a heated sensation pooling low and gathering between my legs. I just didn’t know what to say to that.

My brain scrambled for a good answer, for something, anything, I could say. This was good, it was just sexting. And I was a romance writer, I’d written sex scenes. I could be sexy. I could be daring. I could sext.

But nothing came to mind. Nothing. Only flashes of that morning, of us in bed, under the covers. Of that shower and Lucas naked, coming on my stomach. Which had been the hottest, most erotic sexual experience of my life and I—

I might have spent a long time thinking because Lucas texted again.

Lucas: Rosie?

Rosie: Still here.

Lucas: Sorry. I’m an idiot. I wasn’t trying to have phone sex or text sex with you, I promise.

Rosie: You weren’t?

Lucas: No.

Well, that was disappointing. I would have been all in for any of those two options; I just needed… a little more time.

Lucas: I was texting you because I miss you like crazy. The apartment is too quiet. Too empty. Even with Taco here. Nothing feels right. I want you back.

My chest swelled to the point of hurting.

I want you back.

That was exactly how I felt in my own home. That was how much he’d ruined me. Could it be possible that we were feeling the exact same way?

Rosie: I miss you, too.

And then, because I clearly had no self-preservation instinct when it came to this man, I sent him the words I wanted him to hear. The truth that I wanted him to see, that I wanted to scream at him until my voice grew raw.

Rosie: I want you back too, Lucas. I wish you were here with me. In my bed.

Lucas:…

Lucas: I wish you hadn’t told me that.

Rosie: Why?

The three points danced on the screen of my phone for a few seconds, and then disappeared.

Remaining very, very still, I waited for a minute.

Then, two. Three, five, ten, fifteen.

Thirty minutes.

Lucas didn’t answer.

Maybe he’d… fallen asleep.

Or maybe he’d gotten hungry and decided to grab a snack. Knowing him, that involved something more sophisticated than opening a bag of cereal and a carton of milk even at one in the morning.

Or maybe…

I cursed, realizing that not only was I being ridiculous, but I was also on my feet, pacing in front of my bed, and about to give myself a headache.

The intercom downstairs blared through the apartment, startling me and making me drop the phone on the floor. The screen lit up at my feet.

Lucas: It’s me.

I left the phone there, not caring about anything but the door.

Because… he was here.

I ran to the entrance and when I buzzed him in and threw my door open, my panting had nothing to do with my sprint.

The handsomest face I’d ever seen in my life appeared in the hallway after a few seconds. And the man that had somehow become my favorite person in New York City—in the country, the whole world—made his way to me.

My heart sung.

And without meaning to, without knowing how, I threw myself at him. I would have climbed him up like a tree, had I not known that his leg was not up to the task. But I still tangled myself around him as best as I could. Breathed him in, welcomed his scent, the toned muscles under the layers of clothes he wore against the chilly weather of New York. Welcoming him.

His arms tightened around me, the long breath he let out warming the skin of my neck.

And because he’d cracked me open and everything was coming out now, I continued, “I’ve missed you since you stepped out of this apartment, hours ago. And I had missed you for a long time before then, Lucas.”

Lucas’s chest rumbled with a deep growl that rattled me with anticipation, need, with whatever this thing growing between us was.

Then, his arms were around my waist, and he was walking us inside, the door closing behind us. The next second, I was pushed against it.

Lucas braced his arms on each side of my head, caging me against the wooden surface.

My mouth dried at the look on his face. At the way his eyes darkened, and his jaw turned into a sharp line. “I’ve missed you, Lucas. So much. Please, stay with me. Stay tonight.”

Stay tonight and every single night after that.

His right hand came to cup my face, the pad of his index finger trailing across my cheek, to my bottom lip, swiping along the line of my mouth. “If I stay…” He closed his eyes, exhaling shakily. “I’ve seen you come apart before my eyes, Rosie. And I barely had the chance to touch you. If I stay, that’s going to change. If I stay, we’re going to fuck.”

I shivered at the thought of how much I wanted him to follow through with that warning. “Good.”

I kissed him.

Stopping his words.

I didn’t need them. Didn’t need anything but him right now.

And I would have told him so if he hadn’t returned the kiss with an urgency that rivaled mine.

So I kissed him. I kissed him like I had wanted to do for so long, finally letting go of everything that had held me back until this moment. Because he was leaving soon, and perhaps, this was all I would ever have from him, so I was going to take it.

I pulled him closer with a kind of desperation that I had never known, wanting him against me as he ravished my mouth. Lucas’s arm came around my waist, bringing my hips into his and leaving my shoulders to press against the door. A whimper left me at the contact, and Lucas took the chance to part my lips and brush my tongue with his.

My head was spinning with every sensation flooding my body, leaving me unbalanced. I pulled at his coat, wanting that extra barrier gone, but he wouldn’t budge.

A complaint rose to my lips as he dragged his mouth down my neck very slowly, nipping at my skin and turning the sound into a loud moan.

Lucas’s lips went up to my ear. He said against the sensitive skin, “That sound.”

His teeth grazed the lobe, tugged at it.

My reaction was immediate. A new whimper climbed up my throat.

Lucas’s hips pushed against mine in response, punching the air out of my lungs at the need surging through my body. Hard. He was so hard and big. “Things like fucking you against this door, right now.”

I wanted to scream at him to go ahead.

But before any words came out, his mouth was retracing the path back to mine, leaving behind a trail of tingles that spread down my arms. His lips stopped over mine. Not making contact.

Not kissing me.

Why wasn’t he kissing me?

His nose dragged along mine. “I was so close to fucking you this afternoon,” he confessed, his voice dropping. “Taking you on the floor of that bathroom.”

I whimpered, pulling at his clothes again, but he wouldn’t move.

All he did was take my bottom lip between his teeth and say, “Do you want to hear what other crazy things I’m close to doing now?”

My eyelids fluttered shut at his words.

My eyes opened just in time to see his lips part in a slow grin. This was a new type of smile. It wasn’t the happy and bright curl of his mouth; it was dark. Sultry. A warning and a promise. One that I wanted him to keep.

If I thought he had come undone at any point before, I couldn’t have been any more wrong.

Because the moment those words left his lips, Lucas unraveled.

He lifted me up again, and before I could complain, before I could really think, he was guiding my legs around his hips as he stalked to my bedroom.

My heart toppled. My need stirred. And next thing I knew I was being dropped on top of my comforter.

His head tilted very slowly, and his eyes trailed up and down my body, and God, never in my life had I been looked at like that. Like he was ready to eat me alive.

Lips parted, I watched him finally rid himself of his coat. Then, he reached for the hem of his hoodie and pulled it off in one smooth motion.

He hadn’t been wearing anything underneath.

A sound of need climbed up my throat because I might have already seen him naked, I might have already seen the indents of his hips and every lean muscle flexed, but not like this. Not even in the shower earlier today. Not with that dark glim to his eyes, or that knowing bend to his lips.

His chuckle was smooth, secretive. “I was in a rush when I left the apartment. I still don’t know how I managed to leave Aaron a message so he’d get Taco. He must hate me right now, but I can’t seem to care.”

My throat dried up, his expression turning serious when he stepped closer to the bed.

He stopped right beside the edge, then said, “Come here.”

Without losing a single second, I got on my knees and crawled until I was right in front of him.

Lucas looked at me, something breaking, softening. The back of his fingers brushed my cheek and he said, “All this pink covering your skin. Eres preciosa.” He inched closer, his face tilting down so he could meet my eyes. “I’m dying to see how low it spreads.”

Sitting on my knees, I stretched my arms up. Giving him every green light ever.

Lucas didn’t hesitate to take my offer, and he pulled my shirt over my head.

A broken breath left his lips as his eyes roamed up and down my body. Taking in my bare breasts.

I reached for him, placed my palms on his chest very gently, and then dragged them down, memorizing the map of warm and taut skin under the tips of my fingers. Committing it all to memory. And when my hands reached the band of his jeans, I leaned down, grazing my lips over the center of his chest. Then, I pressed them above his heart. Next, I went over his ribs, close to the ink that painted his skin and without thinking about it, I placed an open-mouth kiss on the crest of the wave, letting my tongue trace the beautiful design.

Lucas’s stomach flexed, strained, and I felt him shudder under my tongue.

I looked up at him, the confession slipping out. “I’ve wanted to do this ever since I saw it for the first time.”

A groan left his lips, and next thing I knew, he was pulling me up and taking my mouth in his.

When he broke the kiss, he rasped, “You’ve been fantasizing about this? With me?”

A nod. “Every day. Every night before sleep. Every time I’ve closed my eyes.”

He exhaled roughly. “What else have you imagined doing to me?”

I dragged my hands along the band of his jeans, then let my thumbs draw the indents in his hips, finally returning my fingers to the button and hearing his hiss. “Today, when I caught you in the shower,” I said, making a work of it and feeling the intense heat coming off him, “I wished it was my hand. Or my mouth.”

Lucas’s hips thrusted upward in what I knew had been a reflex.

I peered up at him and added, “I wished you’d been coming inside me.”

His hands came to the sides of my face, his fingers tangling in my hair as I brought the zipper down.

I wrapped my hand around him through the stretched fabric of his black boxers and Lucas hissed out a breath.

I nodded my head.

His fingers tugged at my hair a little tighter. “Take me out and show me how.”

I brought his boxers down, licking my lips at the sight of him springing free. Without thinking about it, I closed my hand around his length, stroking him up and down very slowly, wanting to give him pleasure. To make him feel good. Better than good.

Lucas’s chest grumbled with a growl, his back arching back. “One more,” he demanded. “Harder than that, preciosa. Don’t be shy.”

I obeyed, giving him one firm stroke and seeing him swell in my hand.

Another groan left him, this one loud and short, and that was my last warning before Lucas’s hands left my hair and went to my shoulders, returning me to the middle of the bed.

Then, his mouth was traveling down my body, and his teeth were pulling at my sleeping shorts. In a brisk motion, I was in nothing but my undies, and Lucas’s head was right above the juncture of my thighs. His mouth followed the seam of the underwear, his teeth scraping over the fabric, and my back arched at the contact. My head spinning out into space.

His tongue grazed my clit over the flimsy fabric covering me. Then, he moved the panties aside, revealing all my wetness and dipping into my flesh.

I felt his hum fall on my skin. “Not God,” he said, before retracing my opening with his tongue. “Lucas.”

I whimpered, and his hands brought my knees apart, his palms falling down the inside of my thighs and making sure I kept them open as his tongue descended again.

Letting out a groan, I lifted my hips.

One of his hands moved, his thumb starting to rub circles around my clit, and sending my body straight into a frenzy. “Lucas,” I gasped brokenly.

Lucas’s tongue did something then, something I’d never experienced before and just like that, my arms were flying back, holding on to the first thing they found, a pillow. My hips thrusted into his mouth, urging him to go faster, deeper, and when he did, my mouth parted, the cry ready to fall off my lips and just like Lucas promised, I screamed his name.

The spasms of my orgasm subsided, my body lax, and he straightened on his knees. He grasped his cock, still looking at me. “I could come right now, just tasting you on my tongue and watching you like this.”

Before I could process how those words seemed to bring me back alive, he was climbing off the bed and ridding himself of his boxers and jeans.

When he settled between my legs again, he let his cock rest against me, and the contact, him naked, against me, here with me, knocked the breath out of me.

Lucas shuddered, focused on my face as he led his swollen tip to my entrance and dragged it along my slit. “I’m clean, too. I’ve never fucked without a condom, Rosie.”

He seemed lost in thought, then he looked at me with something new in his eyes, in his face. Something that I loved and something that terrified me.

That was why I said, “I know what I’m doing. I know what I’m getting. I want everything I have in front of me.” His jaw set, and I made sure to meet his gaze when I spoke. “I want you inside of me, Lucas. I’ll have whatever you have to give me.”

Lucas grunted at my words and without breaking eye contact, he slid inside of me. One hard and firm thrust.

My eyes shut, pleasure shooting up and down my body, gripping my spine.

And because I was at his mercy, my eyes fluttered open. I looked into his eyes just as he grabbed my thighs and thrusted again, getting even deeper. “How does this feel? How do I feel inside of you?”

I didn’t answer, I couldn’t when his pace did nothing but increase. So I reached for him, bringing him down, fusing our mouths.

His chest rumbled and his thrusts grew deeper, pushing me up the bed. So much that he had to grip my waist.

He moved to his knees, making my back arch with the change in position, but I wanted him even deeper. Faster. Harder. I just wanted… him. His weight. His body. All. Over. Me.

Next thing I knew, those two hands that had been around my waist, pulling me to him, flipped me onto my belly. My cheek rested on top of the covers, my hands fisting them as he slipped back inside me from behind.

Oh my Lord, he was.

I obeyed.

He let a hand drop to my clit, rubbing circles with his fingers as he kept thrusting, fucking me just like I’d begged him. “Lucas, I—” I never got to finish that, because Lucas drove briskly into me one more time, and I felt the pulse of his cock inside of me, felt the grunt leave his lips, and I went off with him. Screaming his name one more time. One last time.

His arms snaked around my middle, keeping me flush to him, as he spent himself inside of me and I continued coming all over him.

After a blissful moment, he brushed a kiss on my jaw. Then, without slipping out of me, he guided both our bodies to the bed until we were lying on our sides.

I grabbed on to his arms, because I really, really didn’t want to let go.

A hum left my throat, and his chuckle was easy, happy.

Sighing deeply with contentment I eventually turned in his arms until I was facing him. I studied him, his smile, the creases in the corners of his eyes, the lips I already wanted to kiss again.

He really was the best man.

He stopped me with another kiss, this one on my lips. “Next time, I’ll let you fuck me. You’ll ride me while I watch you move over me,” he said so simply, so matter-of-factly that it made me want to roll him on his back and make him keep his word.

But instead, I asked, “Next time?”

There were many questions I could have asked right at that moment.

What happens after you leave?

What are we doing?

Do you also feel this powerful, beating force right in the middle of your chest?

But a big part of me didn’t want to hear his answer to any of those questions. I wanted to live in this moment, right here, right now. I wanted to have this one next time he was talking about and all the times after that. For as long as I had him. Even if that was only a week. I didn’t want Lucas to have to define what we were or weren’t on top of having to do that with himself after he’d lost so much.

So I said the only thing I could. “Then, don’t. Don’t stay away.”