Chapter Twenty
THE blisteringly clear Friday afternoon gusted through Lafayette.
Alyssa watched out the living room window as she paced, waiting. Half an
hour before she was due at the obstetrician‟s office. Luc had begged her to
let him accompany her to the appointment. No sign of him so far.
She sighed. What was up with that man?
“You have that „I‟m thinking about Luc‟ look on your face,” Sadie
teased.
Alyssa rolled her eyes at her own ridiculousness. She‟d taken steps to
end her marriage to Luc, yet she couldn‟t stop thinking about him. This
morning, she‟d fondled her wedding ring, sorely tempted to put it on just to
feel closer to him.
“I don‟t understand Luc,” she confessed. “It‟s been almost a week
since we shot Joshua.”
“A bastard more deserving of a pine box I‟ve never met.” Sadie
gripped her hand. “Honey, why didn‟t you tell any of us about your past?”
Because it had been her shame, and she‟d buried it ruthlessly, using it
to fortify her iron heart so that she‟d never get too close to anyone else
again. Luc had melted her defenses and filled her soul. Now she felt
incomplete without him.
For me, there’ll never be anyone else I’ll love half as much as you.
As she nibbled on a fingernail, those words ran through Alyssa‟s head.
Had Luc really meant that or had the possibility of her and the baby‟s
deaths prompted him to say those words?
“I just wanted to keep it behind me,” Alyssa said finally. “Besides, I
never imagined that Joshua had seen me at my mother‟s funeral,
recognized me, hired someone to hunt me down . . .”
“You mad at Tyler?”
The question rattled around in her head. “Not mad. He was doing a
job. Tyler said that Joshua didn‟t act creepy or obsessive until after he‟d
located me and turned over the information. He actually put his life on hold
to protect me because he feared the worst.”
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“And because he was hoping you‟d give him the time of day.”
Alyssa grimaced. “That, too.”
“Did he say what he‟s going to do now?”
After hours on Monday, he‟d insisted on seeing her home, making sure
all was well and safe since Luc had left . . .
What did you expect a man you served annulment papers to do? Stay
so you could throw him out more creatively?
“He wants to remain in Lafayette. Says he likes it here and had no real
ties in Los Angeles. Jack and Deke offered him a job. Apparently, they‟ve
been turning away business because they‟re short-handed, and Deke
wants to spend more time with Kimber since they have a baby on the way.”
“You do, too, girlfriend. When is that appointment? Shouldn‟t you be
leaving?”
Stomach clenching, Alyssa glanced at her watch and winced. “I‟ll give
Luc five more minutes; then if you‟re still game . . .”
“Absolutely, I‟ll go with you. A girl needs moral support for these
things,” Sadie offered, then smiled sadly. “Though I know you‟d rather have
Luc.”
Alyssa couldn‟t refute that. After Joshua‟s attack nearly a week ago
and after she and Luc had answered all of Remy‟s questions, she‟d
expected him to stay, confront her about the annulment. At least voice an
opinion. But he‟d only stolen a kiss, told her loved her and pleaded to go to
her doctor‟s appointment, then left for Texas. Midweek, her curiosity had
gotten the better of her, and she‟d called Luc to ask him the million
questions floating through her brain. Again, he‟d only told her that he loved
her and would be there on Friday to pick her up. She tried to put him out of
her head and focus on the myriad items on her to-do list, but no luck.
Sadie glanced at her watch. “Why don‟t you get your purse together?
I‟ll meet you in the car. I‟m parked out front.”
Alyssa tried to stifle her disappointment at Luc‟s no-show long enough
to smile for her friend. “Sure. Thanks.”
As soon as she heard the click of the door behind Sadie, Alyssa felt
pesky tears sting her eyes. Damn it, she had a doctor to see, a baby to
confer about. If Luc had suddenly embraced the annulment . . . well, maybe
it was for the best. At least she tried to tell herself that. The last week
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without him, she‟d come to realize that she would never be completely
happy or completely whole without him.
But she also knew that she couldn‟t be married to a man she loved this
fervently who remained only to be with the child he‟d always dreamed of
having. Without Luc‟s love, sharing a home, a bed, and a last name would
be hollow. Eventually, it would tear them apart. If he didn‟t truly love her for her, better that she know now—not when the child was cranky for a
nighttime feeding . . . or when he or she began kindergarten . . . or when
they had their first sporting event, first crush, first heartbreak . . . or when
Luc finally found the woman to whom he could devote his heart—and left
her an empty, broken shell.
Even though she was saving herself more pain later, it fucking hurt
now.
Swallowing back the tears, she grabbed her purse, set the new alarm,
and carefully shut the door behind her. After locking it, she turned toward
Sadie‟s car at the curb.
Except it was gone.
What the devil? Shaking her head, she followed the L of her walkway to the driveway.
There stood Luc, looking at his watch.
Her breath caught. Her heart stopped. He‟d made it.
Why?
Thoughts racing, she took tentative steps forward. Luc looked up, saw
her—and darted her way.
He cupped her cheek and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, over almost
as soon as it started. “Hi, sugar. I‟ve missed you.”
Those chocolate eyes looked so earnest, so honest. God, why was he
doing this to her? If he still wanted her, why didn‟t he just tell her he didn‟t
want the annulment? Or maybe he did want it? She was so confused . . .
“Hi. Thanks for taking me to the appointment.”
“I wouldn‟t miss it for the world.” He opened the passenger door and
held it as she slid inside.
So was his affection for her merely that of for the mother of his child?
As he hopped in the driver‟s seat and glanced her way, there was
something on his face she‟d never seen before. The heat was still there. He
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wanted her, no question. That expression said he wanted to devour her
now—and to keep doing it for hours, days. It was tempered by something
warm, like sweet sunshine honey. Something like . . . affection. Even hope.
His smile seemed to say there was no one he‟d rather be with.
How much of that was tangled up in his feelings for the baby?
He grabbed her hand and backed the Jaguar out of the driveway. She
knew she should release him . . . but she couldn‟t find the strength to let go.
“Have Remy or the boys been out to question you again or give you
more information about Joshua‟s attack?” he asked.
“No. Once Remy cleared us of any sort of homicide charge, I just didn‟t
want to talk about it anymore.”
“You must be relieved that Joshua is gone. Your past can‟t come back
to haunt you again.” He squeezed her hand.
She took strength in his caress. This wasn‟t a topic she could discuss
with anyone . . . but him. He really knew her in a way no one else did. For that, she was grateful.
“I still wish I could have reconciled with my mother, but maybe that
was impossible. She didn‟t want to believe me because it made her life too
difficult, and I have no respect for that.”
“What Joshua did to you was terrible. Tragic. What she did was
worse.” Luc‟s warm gaze wrapped her in a soft blanket of comfort.
It would be so easy to sink in . . . get lost. And so painful later.
“I work every day on forgiving her. It‟s a day-by-day thing.”
“Everything that happened made you who you are today—strong,
independent, savvy, pragmatic. I wouldn‟t change a thing about you. You‟re
the woman I love.”
Her heart seized. How badly she wanted to believe him. “Luc . . .”
“Shh.” He pulled up in front of the hospital complex. “Let‟s see the
doctor now. Later, we‟ll talk through this.”
Damn it, she didn‟t want to put it off. Alyssa didn‟t deal well with
shoving unpleasant things aside. Why not just get it over with? But they
could hardly discuss their marital issues in the waiting room. She sighed.
Within minutes, the obstetrician‟s nurse called them back and she
greeted the pleasant fortysomething woman who examined her while Luc
sat in the chair behind her and held her hand.
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“Would you like to hear the baby‟s heartbeat?”
“Please.” She smiled.
“Very much.”
Alyssa couldn‟t see Luc‟s face, but she could hear the sincerity in his
voice.
The doctor applied a cool gel to her abdomen, then a plastic wand and
. . .
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. A little beating heart. The sound filled the
room, young, tender yet remarkably hardy. A miracle.
Tears filled her eyes. “Oh, my God.”
Luc squeezed her hand even harder. “I‟ve never heard anything so
amazing.”
She heard the tears in his voice, too.
“Very strong and healthy,” the doctor promised. “On the slower side,
which could indicate a boy, but we‟ll know for sure when we do the
ultrasound around week twenty.”
A boy? Alyssa‟s heart clenched, then pitter-pattered. She‟d love a boy.
Or a girl. She‟d love this child, no matter what. And she loved that, no
matter what happened, it would always be part of Luc.
Finally, the other woman measured her abdomen, chatted a bit about
what to expect over the next month, then sent her on her way. As they
settled with the receptionist and exited the building, Luc gripped her hand.
They reached his car, and he stopped her, turning her to face him.
“Thank you for sharing that with me. I will be forever grateful, no matter
what happens in the future. I‟d like fifteen minutes more of your time, if
you‟ll spare them. Then, if you still want to proceed with the annulment, I
won‟t stop you.”
Denial and fear slammed her at once, and she tried to block them out.
The annulment was—ultimately—a good thing, right? So why should
everything inside her rebel at the thought that he wouldn‟t fight it?
She just loved him too damn much.
“All right.” Her voice shook.
Without another word, they returned to her house, and she showed
him into the living room. They sat on the sofa, less than two feet apart.
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Funny, how their relationship had basically started here, on this piece
of furniture, when he‟d arrived with his cousin Deke last summer for a
seductive ménage that had quickly morphed into an explosive pairing when
Luc‟s cousin left. Would it end here, too?
“Do you want something to drink?” What was on his mind? She
needed to know . . . yet feared it.
“No, thank you.” He pulled a thick, folded document from his jacket
pocket and handed it to her. “This is yours, regardless of what happens.”
The gravity in his tone crashed to her hollow stomach. She took deep
breaths. With shaking hands, she unfolded the crisp white papers and
scanned.
“It‟s . . .” She blinked once, twice. Seriously? “A custody agreement?
You‟re giving me sole custody?”
“If you decide to proceed with the annulment, I‟ve asked for one week
a year and either Thanksgiving or Christmas. I think it‟s important for any
child to know his or her father. There‟s a financial support agreement as
well. I took the attorney‟s recommendation for an annual sum and added
fifty percent. I hope you think it‟s fair, but we can talk if you need more. I‟ll
never tell you how to parent. I‟ll never get in your way. I‟ll never ask you to
share more of the child than this and an occasional phone call.”
Tears came again. Not just tears, but sobs. The foundation of her life
was falling out from underneath her, crumbling, and the pain was
paralyzing. Luc was letting her go and giving her control over the life they
had created together—the child she knew he wanted more than anything.
“Why?” she managed to get out.
He closed his eyes, jaw clamped, as he fought his own tears.
“Because I love you, and I want you to know that no one will ever be more
important to me than you, not even our child.”
“But you‟ve wanted a baby for years and—”
“I have, so badly I manipulated people I love, deceived them—without
even thinking how they would be affected. And I regret that so deeply. I
never want you to believe that I married you only for the child. I was stupid
when I didn‟t tell you that I believed the baby to be someone else‟s. I can
only say I‟m sorry. I know better now.” He sighed. “I realized I wasn‟t
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lacking a baby, but someone to share my life with. Someone amazing and
strong, smart, ambitious, and wonderful. My other half.”
Alyssa sobbed harder. He meant her? He wanted her more than their
child?
Luc eased off the sofa and onto one knee at her feet. “I need you.”
“And you‟re willing to give up custody of the baby to prove it to me?”
He nodded, and the agony on his face hurt her in return. “No strings
attached. I want to stay married to you more than anything and be a family
in the true sense of the word, but not if you‟ll always have doubts about
how important you are to me.”
Oh. My. God. Never in a million years had she expected him to give up
the child he‟d sought and schemed for. And to do it for her.
“Think on it,” he commanded softly. “If I don‟t hear from you before the
annulment is final in the next few months, then this may be the last time
you see me. And I‟ll miss you like hell. I‟ll love you. Always.”
He kissed her mouth gently. It lasted for only a heartbeat, felt like a
gossamer breath, but it impacted her heart like a battering ram. Then he
was gone.
ALYSSA paced her living room, wringing her hands. Any minute . . .
After Luc‟s departure Friday night, she‟d longed to call him back
immediately. The scared girl-woman inside her shouted for caution and
prudence. She‟d stayed up late and read the entire custody agreement he‟d
proposed—and signed—then left in her hands. He‟d been more than
generous and left himself minimal rights, save those he would exercise in
the event of her untimely death. He‟d also added a clause for reversion of
custody in the event she remarried to someone who turned out to be
abusive.
The fact he‟d taken her experience to heart touched her.
She‟d spent a sleepless Friday night knowing she had only two
choices: End the marriage and raise the child alone, always wondering if
she‟d made the biggest mistake of her life by leaving the man she loved, or
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embrace the future and do everything in her power to ensure their marriage
grew strong.
Luc said he loved her. Since he‟d handed her this custody agreement,
Alyssa finally more than hoped—she believed—that was true. She loved
him so much, getting through a day without him felt unbearable. Nights
were even more hellish.
Still, experience had taught her to be cautious. She‟d spent all day
Saturday thinking about her options . . . and coming back to the same
conclusion. How bleak would her future be without Luc? He couldn‟t have
apologized more eloquently, been more contrite. It wasn‟t as if she‟d never
screwed up.
Besides, she‟d gone into the marriage tentative and afraid. Failing at
lifelong commitment was inevitable without giving both heart and soul. She
hadn‟t done that. Yes, Luc had withheld his “sterility” from her, but she‟d
withheld her past with Joshua. If Luc hadn‟t accidentally scared her, would
she have ever told him her secret, ever?
She winced. Probably not.
Didn‟t she owe it to them to try this marriage for real, holding nothing
back?
She‟d called him early this Sunday morning and asked him to come
back to Lafayette. He hadn‟t asked questions, and she hadn‟t offered
information. They both knew that whatever had to be said should be done
in person.
The chime of the doorbell interrupted her musings, and she smoothed
a hand down her black wrap-around blouse, holding a palm to her
trembling insides. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door.
Luc stood on the other side, expression pensive. “I‟m glad you called.”
Alyssa nodded, trying to calm her runaway heartbeat. “Come in.”
When she stepped back, he entered. But his eyes never left hers, as if
he hoped to read her decision on her face. She looked away and walked
into the living room. Luc followed, and Alyssa could feel him at her back, so
achingly close—yet still so far away.
Please God, let this turn out happily.
On the table beside her rested two documents. She picked up both.
“I‟ve read your custody document.”
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He hesitated; then disappointment crashed over his face. He clenched
his jaw and finally nodded. “Do you have any objections?”
“Have you read the annulment papers?”
“Yes.”
His tone gave her more hope. “You spit that out like a bad word.”
Luc anchored a hand around her waist, then brought her closer to him.
Their bodies nearly touched . . . but not quite. Then he lay his forehead on
hers, his breath tightly controlled. “It is. Ending our marriage is the last thing I want.” He took a deep breath and stepped back. “But I‟ll respect your
decision, whatever it is.”
He left everything to her, put the power in her hands. If he cared only
about himself and his chance to become a parent, he‟d never do that. Ever.
He‟d push and coerce, threaten, cajole . . . anything but let her make the
ultimate decision.
“I love you,” she whispered.
The next split second of silence terrified her, especially as both hope
and disappointment mingled on his face. What was he thinking?
“I love you, too. So much I . . .” Luc sighed and cupped her cheek. “I‟m
empty without you.”
To others, it might sound like a greeting card, but she knew exactly
what he meant. He‟d helped to heal her past wounds, fill in her tomorrows.
Luc had made her whole. If she did the same for him, she‟d rejoice and
hold him close for the rest of her days.
“Ending this marriage is the last thing I want, too,” she confessed.
To prove her point, she gripped both the annulment petition and
custody papers, then ripped them both in half. She dropped them to the
ground between them.
Luc glanced at the torn documents, then up at her. His eyes flared,
burning fiercely, as he grabbed her and kissed her as if nothing would ever
mean more to him.
Not opening to him was impossible, and he sank deep into her mouth,
the burn between them his own brand of possession. Though it had been
less than a month since she and Luc had shared a bed, the ache racing
through her after this one kiss made her feel as if it had been forever. She
needed this, needed him.
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Tears burned her eyes as his lips worshipped her. There would be
important events in their lives together undoubtedly, their coming child—
and maybe others someday—but Alyssa knew deep in her gut that nothing
would ever mean more to her than this moment and their love.
When he lifted his head, she looked at him and melted.
“I need you,” he admitted hoarsely. “To love you. As much as you‟ll
give me. I need to feel that you‟re really mine. Please say you want that,
too.”
Alyssa nodded. “I do.”
Caressing his cheek, she pressed her lips to his and swept into his
mouth. When he rewarded her with a slow kiss full of devotion, she
trembled.
Not even lifting his head, he laid her across the sofa, her back warmed
by the buttery leather as he covered her body with his own, wrapping his
arms around her. She felt safe, loved, as she sighed against him, desire
growing. He compelled her to touch him in return—his face, neck, taut
shoulders and back.
Soft demand filled his next kiss, seeming to reach deep inside of her to
embrace all of her, even the broken parts. Luc brought light to the places in her soul that had been dark since Joshua‟s attack. He made her whole
again.
His next kiss started like gossamer, then grew more urgent with every
brush of lips, every swirl of his tongue, until it was deep, hard, burning.
Alyssa couldn‟t breathe, couldn‟t think of anything but Luc and the silent
promise of devotion between them. She opened to him and gave him
everything inside her, secure that there were no more secrets between
them.
Drowning in Luc‟s hungry kisses, she trembled as he slowly removed
her top, her jeans, her frilly under things, then spread kisses all over her
body. He sucked her aching nipples, palmed her hip, stroked her needy clit.
She burned. Luc always had that effect on her. From the moment they‟d
met, Luc had impacted her as no man had.
Alyssa was dying to have the same effect on him.
With a gentle nudge, she persuaded Luc to roll onto his back. Without
a word, she removed his shoes, his shirt, his pants, and everything
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beneath. Then she was staring at his gorgeous, naked body, masculine
shoulders, rippling abs, and hard, imposing cock. She shivered, and her
mouth watered.
Kneeling beside him, she threw her hair over one shoulder and bent to
him. Luc tensed. When her tongue curled around his dick, she tasted him,
harsh and hot and so salty male. Then she took him deeper with a moan.
“Sugar, yeah,” he hissed, filtering his fingers into her hair and
anchoring against her scalp. “Damn, you‟re incredible.”
So was he.
Alyssa savored him, reacquainting herself with his body and the
pleasures of feeling him hard in her mouth. He arched his hips, sinking his
stiff flesh deeper, and she gladly took every long inch of his urgent thrusts,
loving the fact she could make him so hot.
Moments lapsed into long minutes. His need grew, and he began to
shuttle into her mouth with deeper, faster strokes, writing, moaning,
needing. He pulsed against her tongue.
Then suddenly he cursed and stopped.
“No.” He lifted her away from him suddenly, and his expression told
her that he refused to take pleasure from her, but insisted on sharing it. “I
want to be inside you, sugar.”
Yes. The sooner, the better.
When he rose to his knees and eased her to her back, she went more
than willingly, parting her thighs for him without hesitation. Luc groaned,
then leaned over her, on top of her. But she hesitated, holding him back,
pressing a hand to his chest.
They had one more bridge to cross . . .
“Wait. I—I trust you.” Her words trembled.
His dark gaze caressed her with gratitude and love. “I wouldn‟t have it
any other way.”
As he tried to envelop her in his embrace again, she stayed him once
more. “Luc. I trust you with everything that used to scare me. Cure me of it.
Replace it with something better.”
For a moment, his thoughts raced; then understanding dawned.
“Sugar, are you sure? We don‟t have to do this now—or ever if you don‟t
want.”
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Alyssa didn‟t hesitate. “I want to. Please . . .”
Luc reached for his belt and pulled it through the loops of his pants. He
secured it around her wrists and pulled tight, then tilted her body down to
loop the other end under the leg of the sofa.
Her breath caught. The restraint was more symbolic than binding, but
for her, for a first start, it was enough.
“Are you scared?” he asked.
She sent him a tremulous smile. “Not with you.”
“I‟ve loved you for so long. I would never hurt you. Ever.”
His whispered vow made her heart beat even harder. “I think I fell in
love with you that first night. After Deke left, and you made love to me for
hours . . . I knew there was something special about you that was meant for
me.”
His lips skated across her cheeks, her lips. “I probably fell for you that
night, too. I was just too damn scared to admit it. I‟m so glad you forced me
to live up to my obligation, canceled my hotel room, and seduced me. I‟m
so glad that a miracle happened for us.”
As he caressed the tiny baby bulge just starting to grow, she smiled.
“Me, too.”
In the next moment, Luc lodged himself in the cradle of her thighs and
began to plunge inside her slowly, deeply. She was wet, eager to take
every hard inch of him now. But he surged in by degrees, maddeningly
slow, and she gasped as his cock scraped every sensitive part of her flesh
until he finally buried himself to the hilt.
It was impossible to have him so deep inside her and not feel pleasure
so extreme, it almost defied words. And what passed between them now
was even more breathtaking for its sheer honesty and tender passion. He
unleashed a firestorm of need with his slow thrusts that quickly had her
gasping and tightening around him. Luc brushed her lips with his own, then
melded their mouths together. In its own way, having her wrists bound and
being completely helpless to Luc‟s touch was freeing.
She‟d never felt more alive.
Alyssa didn‟t just feel Luc‟s passion, but his silent promise to be the
best husband possible to her each and every day. It came from his soul as
he drove into her with measured, relentless strokes that quickly brought her
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to the brink of a blinding, breathless orgasm that had her tightening her
legs around him and bucking beneath him in exquisite pleasure. Shouting
her name, he followed, emptying himself deep into her.
“Please don‟t ever leave me again,” he panted against her lips.
Never. “Whatever happens in the future, we‟ll work it out. I promise.”
Luc unbelted her wrists, then took her hands. “Thank you for your
trust.”
“Thank you for healing me.”
His thumbs caressed across her fingers; then he looked at her hand
and frowned. “Where‟s your wedding ring?”
A glance told her that he‟d never taken his off. She bit her lip, then
fished around the floor for her jeans. When she found them, she reached
into the pocket and pulled out the large, sparkling diamond.
He took it up from her with shaking fingers and a smile. “Mrs.
Traverson, would you do me the honor of remaining my wife?”
As he slid the ring back on her finger, tears of joy fell down her cheeks.
“I will. Always.”
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Shayla Black
The author of more than twenty-five sizzling contemporary, erotic,
paranormal, and historical romances, national bestselling author Shayla
Black (who also writes as Shelley Bradley) lives with her husband, her
munchkin, and one very spoiled cat. In her “free” time, she enjoys reality
TV, reading, and listening to an eclectic blend of music.
She has won or placed in more than a dozen writing contests,
including Passionate Ink‟s Passionate Plume, the Colorado Romance
Writers Award of Excellence, and the National Readers‟ Choice Awards.
Romantic Times has awarded her Top Picks, a Historical K.I.S.S. Hero
Award, and a nomination for Best Erotic Romance of the Year.
A writing risk-taker, she enjoys tackling writing challenges with every
book.
Visit her website at www.shaylablack.com.
LOOK FOR SHAYLA BLACK‟S SEXY NEW BOOK
Surrender to Me
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