Chapter 18
Presley
"Unless you did think and didn't care." He laughs, and I can tell it's a sarcastic laugh. My heart beats in my chest so hard and fast I feel like I'm going to throw up. My hand on my stomach grips the sheet with nerves. “I've been a fool all this time."
"Bennett." I say his name as the stinging of tears rushes to my eyes. I blink them away as fast as I can, but nothing can prepare me for what comes next. My mouth goes so dry that swallowing hurts, and all the words get stuck at the back of my throat not able to go past the lump that is there. "Everything just happened so fast," I finally am able to croak out. “The doctor came in." I don't tell him the truth. I don't tell him that I didn't want to call him because I couldn't face him if something had happened. I don't tell him that the only thing I wanted was to have him here with me. I don't tell him that even though Clarabella was here with me, the only thing I wanted was to look into his eyes.
He shakes his head, the defeat written all over his face. “I've loved you for the past twelve years." The words come out like he’s in pain. “With every single fiber of my being, I love you." My lower lip trembles, and the tears now come without warning. The look of anguish is all over his face, and it hurts me to my core. “I love you, Presley." A lone tear runs down his face. “I don't know why I thought maybe, just maybe, you felt the same." His hand moves up to the back of his neck as he holds it.
"But you knew." The words come out without me thinking. “You knew that I was never going to get married." He stares into my eyes, and he looks like he's going to say something. "I never changed my mind on that."
"I didn't care if we got married. I didn't have to be married," he says. “All I wanted was you. I would have taken you any way I could have you. I would have given you whatever it is you wanted." His hand falls from his neck. “I just fucking wanted you." You have me, I want to yell out at the top of my lungs. I'm yours. But I don't even have a second to come back before he continues, “I won't burden you anymore with my feelings." Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, it does. “I won't burden you with being stuck with me, at least not romantically." The need to sob out grips my whole body, and I fight it back. This is what you wanted, I remind myself. "We are having a baby together, and that will be my main focus." I sit up now when he stops talking, and I'm about to tell him that I do love him, but the door swings open.
"I come bearing snacks,” Clarabella says with a smile on her face, and she stops mid step when she takes in the standoff that is happening. The smile fades from her face. “I have juice also." She looks at Bennett and then looks at me. “Is everything okay?"
"Just fine," Bennett says. “I'll be in the waiting room." He doesn't even look my way before turning and walking out. I watch the door close softly behind him, my vision blurry from the tears that have built up and are now falling over my lids and down my face.
"What just happened?" Clarabella walks over to the side of my bed, putting down the snacks and juice she got on the bedside table.
"Nothing," I reply, using the back of my hand to rub off the tears from my cheeks. “I'm just worried about the baby," I say, putting my hand back on my stomach, thinking not so long ago when I found out that the baby was okay.
When the doctor walked into the room and told me that there was nothing he could do, it's almost as if I didn't hear the words. It was Clarabella who was my voice at that point. “If you don't want to do your job as a doctor, then can you send someone else in who will." He was taken aback by her tone. “And if that is the case, we can go to another hospital." I didn't want to tell her that I wasn't fucking leaving here.
The doctor nodded at her and looked back at me. “The first thing we are going to do is check and see if there is a heartbeat." He walked over to the sink to wash his hands. “Lie back, and if you can, pull your skirt down to your hips." I did what he asked me to do. “I will tell you that if you are in the process of a miscarriage, there is nothing we can do about it."
"Can we stop saying that fucking word?" Clarabella hissed. “And see what's going on in there." She pointed at my stomach, and the doctor sat down on the stool and wheeled himself over to the light and turned it off before he wheeled back to me.
I had no idea what to expect. I had no idea what I was looking at, but when he put the blue gel on my stomach and pressed the thing down on it, and I looked over at the monitor, I let out a sob when I saw my baby still there. Very much in the same position as this afternoon. He moved from right to left, and then he pressed a button, and you could hear what sounded like galloping horses. “That's the heartbeat," he said, and I just put my hands in front of my face and sobbed.
"Why is Bennett in the waiting room and not by your side?" Clarabella asks, and I grab the bottle of apple juice. I twist off the top and take a sip. The cold sweetness hits my tongue right away. "It's okay to tell him that you need him."
"No, it's not," I snap. “It's not okay." I shake my head, the tears coming again.
"Presley," she says softly. “You are having a baby with him." She puts her hand on top of mine.
"And he can be as involved as he wants to with the child." The words taste sour in my mouth. “He knows this."
"What did he tell you?” she asks, and when I look up at her, I know she has an idea.
"That he loves me." I finally say the words, and I don't add that I love him also, because what difference does it make?
"I mean, that's a good thing, right?" She smirks, trying to be the voice of reason. "There is nothing wrong with admitting that you want him," she urges softly. “It's not going to make you less of a woman if you admit you love and need him. It's okay."
"No, it's not," I say angrily. “It's not okay." I wipe my cheek off with more force than I wanted to. My hands are shaking. “It's the opposite of okay. I can never give him what he wants."
"Why not?" She sits up and folds her arms across her chest.
"Because," I huff. “That isn't the way it goes."
She rolls her eyes and laughs at me. “And how does it go?"
"Look at Travis," I start. “He was supposed to marry Jennifer, and then what?"
"Then he didn't." She shrugs. "Then he got his head out of his ass and married Harlow, just like he was always supposed to."
"Look at Shelby," I counter and don't even give her a chance to answer. “She was head over heels in love with Joseph, and he fucked her friend."
"One, he's a douchebag, so there is that." Clarabella holds up her finger. “And two, she was always supposed to marry Ace."
"What about you?" I look at her. “Were you always supposed to marry Luke?" She glares at me now. “Were you always supposed to marry Luke?"
"Yes," she says without even thinking about it. “Now that I can look back on it. Knowing one thousand percent that I was always supposed to marry Luke. Look at Bennett." Just hearing his name hurts my heart. “He's been home for the past six months, and he's been at your beck and call this whole time.”
I'm about to say that he hasn't when the doctor comes in again. “Okay, Ms. Baker," he says. “Let's see how we are doing."
"Do you want me to get Bennett?" Clarabella asks, and I just nod my head. No matter what, I told him that I would never keep the baby from him. She gets up and walks out of the room.
"The father is in the waiting room." I don't even know why I'm telling him this.
"Have you gone to the bathroom?” he asks, and I shake my head. I was too afraid to go to the bathroom. “If you can, go and check and see how the bleeding is." I nod at him, turning and getting out of the bed.
I walk to the bathroom in the corner, and when I pull down my panties, I see dried blood. My heart starts to speed up when I sit down and pee. I close my eyes for a second after I pee, trying to gather the courage to wipe myself. I grab the toilet paper. “You better be clean," I say under my breath. “Also, you are very grounded when you come out for scaring me like this. But I love you." That’s the last thing I say before I look down and see a clean piece of toilet paper. With not even a pink tint to it.
I walk out of the bathroom with the biggest smile on my face. “No blood,” I tell the doctor as the door opens, and Clarabella comes back in with Bennett behind her.
"What happened?" Clarabella asks, and my eyes go to Bennett, hoping that he looks at me, and he does for a second. The hurt and pain are so evident it makes my whole body hurt.
"No blood," I say, walking to the bed, afraid that at any moment, my knees are going to give out on me, and I'm going to be lying in the middle of the floor.
"That's good news," the doctor says when I get back into bed. I pull up the cover to my waist as the doctor lowers the head of the bed a bit. I lift the hospital gown up but keep my private area covered with the blanket. “Let's see how the little one is doing." I look up at Clarabella, who stands beside Bennett at the foot of the bed. My eyes don't move from Bennett as he puts his hands in his pockets and looks at the monitor and then the doctor. My whole body cries out for him. My hands shake as I grab the bedsheets beside me. I plead with the universe to let him look at me, but no one is listening tonight. The sound of the heartbeat fills the room, and my eyes go from Bennett to the screen. The weight of almost losing the baby is taken off me. I put my hand in front of my mouth as I cry, but this time, they’re tears of happiness. My baby is going to be okay, at least for today, and I have this sudden need to put my hand back on my stomach to protect him or her from anything. The tears quickly turn to a smile that is so big on my face it hurts my cheeks. The baby looks like it's doing somersaults in there. I look down at my stomach in awe that I feel nothing, not even a little tickle. I look back at Bennett, and his eyes are just on the screen. “You have a very active baby." I wait for Bennett to say “We have a very active baby," but he doesn't. The doctor turns off the machine and wipes my stomach. “I'm going to suggest that you stay off your feet for a couple of days and rest." He turns on the lights. I don't tell him that the idea of sitting in bed and not doing anything for the next two weeks has played over and over. “I'll send a report to your doctor, and you can do a follow-up with her."
"Thank you," I tell him. “For everything."
"I'm going to wait outside," Bennett says, turning to walk out of the room, and I want to yell at him to stay, but instead, I watch him leave as my heart shatters in my chest.