Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

LUC arrived back in Lafayette as the sun set, tearing into their

driveway and barely parking his SUV before abandoning it and sprinting

through the door, toward the stairs. He had to see Alyssa now, know she

was all right. When he‟d received Kimber‟s phone call, his heart had

stuttered, then threatened to beat from his chest. Primpton nearly roasting

her alive?

Thank God they‟d finally caught the sick freak harassing her. He‟d

known the city councilman wasn‟t dipping both oars, but would never have

suspected that the divorce of one of his followers would put him over the

edge and incite him to murder.

But Alyssa was safe. Luc needed to see her unharmed and in one

piece. Hold her. Tell her that he loved her.

Inside the foyer, he stumbled over something unexpected and tripped,

barely righting himself without falling. He looked down. His suitcases. They

were packed.

Could that possibly mean what it implied?

His world tilted upside down. A chill went through him as he skirted the

luggage and bounded up the stairs. “Alyssa?”

No answer.

Jogging down the shadowed hall, he stopped in the doorway of the

master bedroom. There she sat in bed, hair loose and long. Her wedding

ring wasn‟t on her finger. She wore a big gray T-shirt and stared out the

window to her right. She looked a million miles away. No, she looked

defeated.

Alarm prickled along his skin. Alyssa was a fighter. She‟d survived

trauma that would have crushed most—and she‟d come out stronger. The

woman mentally escaping out the window . . . That wasn‟t her.

want a confrontation. Just take your things and go.”

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His guts seized up into a ball. His breath stopped. Shock enough that

he‟d been awakened to the news she‟d been trapped in a burning building

and had escaped only with Tyler‟s and Hunter‟s help. But now she was

kicking him out? Saying they were done?

here to protect you. I came back to check on you, be with you . . . What

happened that would make you pack my bags and—”

Luc crossed the room, approached the far side of the bed, and sat on

the edge, beside her. Still she continued to look past him to the window.

Frustration rose, but he pushed it down, focusing on his concern for her as

he took her hand in his. It was cold.

happened, and we‟ll talk it through. If you‟re angry that I wasn‟t here when

that bastard Primpton attacked you, believe me, no one could be more

upset than me.”

She shook her head, then finally looked away from the window, down

to her lap. “You had a job to do and you were doing it. We talked in

advance about the fact you needed to be in Los Angeles to fulfill your

contractual obligations.”

Her voice sounded dead. As the sunlight hit her cheeks, he saw the

silvery marks of dried tears, and they wrenched his heart. Upon closer

inspection, her red eyes and nose indicated she‟d cried hard. Now she had

no emotion left to give. That realization kicked him breathless.

Beating back his fear, he clutched her hand. “I‟m not worried about my

contractual obligations right now. I‟m worried about my wife.”

Alyssa squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, platinum hair

brushing her shoulders. “You‟re worried about the baby.”

Finally, she looked at him. The fury and resolve he saw there stunned

Luc. His heart lurched. What the hell had happened since the attack? Had

Tyler talked her into leaving him somehow?

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A part of him rejoiced at her show of emotion. The other part . . . Dread

injected a new trepidation into his concern. He could think of only one thing

he‟d been less than honest about.

Oh, God, please no.

shake.

clued in that the concern stopped there. You‟re always so tender and

attentive.” She shook her head, scoffing. “I‟m so damn stupid that I fell for

it. I keep trusting the wrong men.”

Had she just lumped him into the same category as Joshua? Fuck if

that didn‟t make his stomach clench and roll. “Alyssa—”

me.” Her tone was a verbal lash to her own psyche, and hearing it damn

near killed him. “I knew you‟d proposed because of the baby. Deep down,

I‟d hoped that you cared for me, but . . . I never imagined that you actually

married me believing the baby wasn‟t yours.”

Luc closed his eyes as his world imploded. Someone had told her his

secret, his shame. Someone had given her the information and let her draw

the worst conclusions. Since only two people knew, and Deke would never

spill, he knew exactly who had revealed the truth.

Kimber he‟d deal with later. Now he had to talk to Alyssa, make her

understand that his reasons for being married—staying married—had

everything to do with her, not just the baby.

baby likely isn‟t mine doesn‟t change anything for me. I care about you

every bit as much as I care about this baby.”

Finally, she flashed blue eyes that spit fire at him. “Are you going to try

to convince me that, since our marriage, I‟ve come to mean something to

you?”

Luc grabbed her shoulders and forced his gaze deep into hers. “You

meant something to me even before we married. I was so elated and

relieved to see you the day you appeared at the department store. I was

ready to drop to my knees, say anything, just to make you talk to me. To

become engaged to you that night was more than I ever dared to hope for.”

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She rolled her eyes. “Stop! Be honest! I appeared with the answer to

your fertility problem. Then I mattered. A woman you like to fuck

conveniently got pregnant. Hallelujah! And even if the baby isn‟t yours—I

guess that‟s a minor detail in your head—why not suddenly heap adoration

on her and persuade her to marry you?” Every word dripped scorn. “Why

not become her husband under false pretenses and encourage her to bear

her soul to you? She‟s just a fertile womb.”

The barrage of accusations pelted Luc, and he winced. He‟d have to

answer her quickly if he wanted to diffuse this situation. Clearly, he‟d hurt

her much worse than he‟d imagined. She felt used. That, he‟d never seen

coming. Damn it to hell.

convenient solution to my problem, but what I feel for you is so much

more.” He brought her closer, willing her to understand. “I missed you when

we were apart. Being separated from you felt like a part of myself was

missing, and I had a gaping hole in my chest where you used to be. I‟d love

more than anything for this baby to be mine, but . . . the odds are against

me.”

It would be so easy to lie to her—and so wrong. “I assumed that at

first. I know how he feels about you, and the way he touches you is so

familiar, as if he‟s done that—and more—a thousand times. But you‟ve said

that you aren‟t lovers, and I‟ve come to know you well enough to know that

you‟re not a liar.”

donor. Since you‟ve figured out that‟s not true, who do you assume I

whored myself to? Random customers at the club?”

He cupped her face in his hands. “Of course not. Either Peter raped

you, and you don‟t remember the event—”

your child.”

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Alyssa wrenched away from his touch. “I didn‟t block it out. If I can still

remember the smell of the chlorine bleach on my sheets and the fact my

childhood teddy bear stared me in the face while Joshua forcibly took my

virginity, I think I can remember whether or not Peter succeeded in raping

me.”

Dear God. Luc fought an urge to clutch her against him, and his

stomach turned inside out at her words. She sounded so certain that Peter

hadn‟t succeeded in violating her, which meant . . . Was it really possible

that he‟d managed to get her pregnant?

him.

He grabbed Alyssa and pulled her back into his lap. She struggled and

squirmed to get free. He held her firmly, but not tightly. He wanted her to

listen, not be frightened.

love to know that the life growing inside you now is one we created

together. But understand that, after years of being told that would be more

or less impossible, it‟s hard for me to comprehend.”

Her anger slipped into a mask of resignation. “I understand that. If a

doctor tells you something is impossible, you believe it. I would. I don‟t

blame you for that at all.”

Thank God. Maybe they could work through this mess.

Then she worked free of his grip and bolted across the room, fists

clenched, and screamed through gritted teeth, “What I can‟t stand is the

goddamn deception!”

Her demeanor shouted, “Stay the fuck away,” and Luc respected it.

Trying to comfort her would only be counterproductive, and he wanted her

to work through her anger. She was definitely entitled to it. Certainly he was

questioning his decisions now. Had not telling her the truth been truly been

keeping the peace or mere cowardice?

wanted you and the baby so badly, I don‟t have words to explain it. Every

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nerve in my body screamed at me to make you mine forever. I didn‟t think

that telling the truth would serve any purpose except to tear us apart.”

threatened to spill, and Luc hated that he‟d put that look on her face. “When

we married, it was enough for me that you were the father of my baby. I

thought I loved you enough for both of us, and that someday, you might

come to love me, too.”

She loved him? The elation he should have felt died a quick death,

strangled by fear. Alyssa had spoken in past tense.

everything better?”

Luc stood, swallowing down his dread. “No, and that‟s not why I‟m

saying them now. I know it will take time for me to prove it to you. But it‟s

the truth, and I‟m relieved to finally say how I feel.”

Alyssa turned her back on him. “How am I supposed to ever believe

you?”

He didn‟t have an easy answer except trust—the one thing he‟d

shattered between them. “Please . . . I swear. I‟m telling you the truth.”

the baby was yours?” She laughed. “They‟re just words and they don‟t

mean a damn thing.”

raked a hand through his hair. How to make her see that his feelings were

deep and wide and went on forever? “We married because you were

pregnant. You‟re still pregnant, and I still want to be a husband and father.

This could have been any other marriage of convenience . . . except we fell

in love. Love, sugar. It‟s too good to just throw away. We have to come

together and work through the misunderstanding, even if it takes a while.”

little respect for me, you immediately assumed the baby was another

man‟s. You kept critical information from me, seduced me into believing

you cared—”

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really knew what that meant until you.”

Alyssa shot him a disbelieving glare. “You love me so much you never

told me the truth, never bothered to get a second opinion about whether

you could possibly father a child, just in case your doctor was wrong—”

L.A. I‟m hoping the second opinion will be different and this baby is mine.”

siring a child. I have no doubt you‟ll be an incredible father, and I‟ll never

take this child away from you. He or she is half you and should know its

father. But none of the rest of this shit matters. For us, your sudden

confession and „I love you‟s are too little, too late. Good-bye, Luc.”

THE day after Thanksgiving, and Luc stared out the window of his

Tyler, Texas, home at the blustery, gray day. He had reasons to be

thankful, he supposed. Feeling it was impossible when he was numb to

everything but the terrible emptiness inside him, an emptiness he knew

could be filled only by his wife.

And Alyssa wasn‟t talking to him. At all.

He‟d left their house in Lafayette after their argument to give her some

space, some time. In the ensuing twelve hours, she‟d changed the locks at

both her residence and the restaurant, as well as her home and cell phone

numbers. The next night, he‟d waited in Bonheur‟s packed parking lot like a

damn stalker for her to lock up and head home, just so he might steal a few

minutes with her, try to explain again that he was sorry and he loved her.

Instead, Tyler had rushed her to her car and curled his arm around her

protectively the second they‟d seen him next to her car. Tyler had shoved

him away just long enough to allow Alyssa to escape. The bastard had paid

for it; Luc knew he had a mean right cross. But it was too late to exchange

even a word with his wife.

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The next night, she‟d called him from the restaurant to reiterate her

plea to leave her alone. Before he could say much more than he was sorry

and that he loved her, she‟d hung up.

That had been a long, miserable eight days ago. Earlier this week,

he‟d gone back to L.A. and finished his taping. He could only imagine what

those episodes looked like, since he‟d been on autopilot the whole time. No

doubt he‟d get a call back to reshoot some.

Yesterday, he‟d likely ruined Deke and Kimber‟s Thanksgiving holiday.

They had so much to be thankful for and had invited all of Kimber‟s family.

Luc had tried to fade into the background, but Hunter had stared with those

knowing eyes as he‟d shaken his head and muttered, “Stupid fucker.” His

younger brother, Logan, had concurred.

that he could hardly be angry with her. She‟d merely assumed that, since

Alyssa was his wife, he‟d been honest with her about his “condition.”

of everything that was wrong and wouldn‟t change a damn thing. He

gouged the heels of his palms into his eyes. “Why didn‟t I learn the first

time? Besides being my cousin, Deke is my best friend. I kept the truth

from him, too. It almost cost me our friendship. And I still didn‟t fucking

learn. I wanted her and that baby so badly . . .” He sighed. “I checked my

ethics at the door.”

father was?”

to quote a cliché, two wrongs don‟t make a right.”

this miserable.”

ago, when I first started hearing from the cable network, the show was a

dream come true. For that to actually be a reality now . . . It‟s everything

I‟ve worked for, one of the goals in the back of my head when I stayed up

until all hours cooking the same dish for the tenth time that day and

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changing just one ingredient to see if I could make it better. It‟s one of the

reasons I broke my back to make so many personal appearances, put out

the best possible cookbooks. I wanted this opportunity to reach avid

foodies and share my love of sophisticated Southern cooking.”

I just know it.”

He shrugged. “Maybe. Thing is, I‟m not sure I care that much

anymore.”

Kimber squeezed his hand. “You‟re just upset. God, if I‟d had any

idea—”

false pretenses, I wouldn‟t be in this mess.”

You‟ll find the love of your show again once you‟re in a better place

emotionally. You have your friends and family, a great house, a lot of talent.

You have your health.”

His health. Luc laughed bitterly. He had more than that.

Deke entered the room and stood behind his wife‟s chair, a casual

hand on her shoulder. “Is he the doctor who tested you last week in L.A.?”

Luc nodded. The man‟s words still rang in his ears.

classified it as challenging but not impossible at all. Apparently, in the last

nine years, my body healed some on its own and my sperm count

increased enough to make my chances of impregnating someone much

greater. He was still surprised we‟d managed it without fertility drugs or

surgical intervention. But he affirmed what I‟d already figured out: It‟s

entirely possible the baby is mine. In fact, I‟m sure it is.”

possible my body could heal, he‟d done me a disservice.”

sooner.”

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Alyssa?”

Luc scoffed. “How? She‟s changed every lock, every phone number.

Even her e-mail account. She won‟t see me or talk to me. After putting her

trust in a lying scumbag when she was younger and experiencing a horrific

outcome, I‟m not surprised that she wants nothing to do with someone else

she sees as a betrayer.”

Yeah, he did. So much that he knew he‟d never be whole without her.

But his feelings didn‟t change a damn thing.

Just then, the doorbell rang, and Kimber jumped up. “I‟ll get it.”

In her ensuing absence, Deke stared. “Man, you got to get it together

and go after her. The longer you stay away, the easier it is for her to

convince herself that she was right and you don‟t give a shit about her.”

Luc jumped to his feet. “What the fuck would you have me do? The

last time I was there, I practically stalked her just to see her face. I didn‟t

even get to talk to her.”

Deke scratched the back of his neck. “Did you send her flowers?”

Given the fact he‟d sent them to her with a polite note after the first

night he‟d spent with her, the one in which he was supposed to share her

with Deke? “She‟d see it as a kiss-off, not a romantic gesture. Besides, I

told her I love her. I‟m not sure she doubts that as much as she doubts that

I want her more than the baby.”

Luc nodded without hesitation. “For the last few years, I knew my life

was incomplete and, not knowing what was missing, I assumed it was

fatherhood—the one thing I‟d never experience, right? After Dr. Kimjin‟s

call, I tried to figure out why I wasn‟t more thankful, more relieved. All these

years I spent assuming that being a father would complete me, fill the void I

was physically incapable of fulfilling. It‟s human nature to want what you

can‟t have.”

someone with whom to share to your life.” Deke didn‟t ask; he knew.

always love this baby with all my heart. But I‟ll love its mother until the day I

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die, and it‟s killing me that I can‟t see her one more time and try to convince

her that she‟s my everything. The person I‟ve been seeking for years and I

just didn‟t know it.”

her lip. “I tried to tell them you were busy, but . . . he‟s insisting he talk to

you.”

Her gaze skirted away. “No.”

Alarm skittered through Luc as he put one foot in front of the other and

made his way out of the kitchen. The walk seemed to take forever, and he

feared what awaited him at its end. If this was a simple delivery, Kimber

would have handled it. Hell, she would have met his gaze.

He reached the door, his movements seemingly in slow motion even

though his heart was racing like a maxed-out, turbocharged engine. Finally,

he pulled it open and stared at the clean-shaven, fortysomething suit

standing in front of him. The man‟s face was somewhere between

businesslike and grim.

Luc swallowed.

Unable to find his voice, Luc just nodded.

at Luc.

Papers. Ominous. He feared he knew what kind of papers these were.

God, he couldn‟t even think about them, much less accept them.

Shaking his head, Luc stepped back. “What kind of papers?”

tucked under the man‟s arm.

Luc couldn‟t get a grip on his breathing. His heart skittered, stuttered.

He shook his head.

Deke approached him from behind and clapped him on the shoulder.

Was that even a promise Deke could keep? Luc wasn‟t sure he could

deal with it.

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No, it wasn‟t, but burying his head in the sand wasn‟t going to make it

go away. Damn it.

With numb fingers, he grabbed the board and pen.

Luc‟s heart sank as he did and accepted the big white envelope.

Somehow, he just knew his life was over.

Faintly, he heard Deke mutter something polite and shut the door.

Deke grabbed him by the elbow and hauled him up. “Let‟s go back to

the kitchen and sit down.”

Luc was stunned to realize he was on his knees. Literally.

As he stumbled to his feet again, Deke guided him back to his chair.

The corner of the envelope cut into his palm, and the feeling that he‟d lost

everything wound through his blood like poison. The pity on Kimber‟s face

was an arrow to his chest. They all knew what he knew. Luc closed his

eyes as pain dismantled him one cell at a time.

Finally, he lurched into his chair. Deke pulled up one beside him.

Luc shook his head. “They‟d contact my agent first.”

them?”

sure the envelope contained the end of your marriage and your happiness,

would you really just launch into it like it was any other piece of mail?”

Deke shot his wife a glance. His cousin‟s face was rife with love, and it

almost pained Luc to see them so happy. He wanted the best for them, but

if even fucked-up Deke had figured out how much Kimber meant to him

and managed to share a life with her, Luc wondered why the hell hadn‟t he

figured out sooner that he wanted the same with Alyssa. That he wanted it

all with her.

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know would, too.”

Luc scoffed, trying to hold tears at bay. He didn‟t succeed. The little

drops were like a pickax to the back of his eyes. His throat tightened. “I

hate Jack Daniel‟s.”

your fancy cabernet sauvignon on hand. It‟s either Jack or sober.”

With dread sinking his heart, Luc edged his fingers under the sealed

flap of the thick envelope and tore it open. His fingers shook as he

withdrew the thick document inside. Big words in a fancy script jumped out

at him, stabbing him in the heart.

Ending his hopes of happiness forever.

He swallowed, but his voice was still scratchy and uneven as he read,

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