Chapter Nineteen
NASH
The more time they spent at the zoo, the more Nash thought about his mother.
When Kiran had originally mentioned the zoo, back when they had first gone to dinner, he hoped she’d forget it down the line.
Instead, she’d texted him about it, and he’d needed a few hours to reconcile his desire to spend time with her with his cherished memories that he held at bay. He hadn’t anticipated such a visceral reaction, but then again, he hadn’t been to a zoo since he went with Mom all those years ago.
To distract himself, he made Kiran laugh and willed himself to continue their banter, but he had to remind himself every few exhibits to shake off the weight. To stay present. To forget that there had at one point been hope for him and his mom to go on and have a solid family together.
As Kiran and Nash rounded a bend, an adorable animal, a funny little cross between a raccoon, fox, and bear, rested on a branch, chubby and content with an audience.
“Look at him! He’s so cute and cuddly.” Kiran’s eyes went round.
“I’m pretty sure he’s eyeing up the female one over there.” Nash pointed to another little bear, hidden beneath some brush.
“Oh, shh.”
“Excuse me, miss?” he asked the attendant who was coaxing a red panda toward her. “Do you breed them here?”
“We wanted to breed these two, but we decided they were too young. Plus, he kept showing interest in an older bear.” She waited for Nash’s follow-up question, which didn’t come, and then turned back to the bears, clicking at them with her tongue.
As she turned away, Nash leaned toward Kiran. “Sounds like my kind of bear. Besides…when has being young ever stopped anyone?”
“Nash! You’re shameless.”
“I’m stating the facts.”
“You want to know a fact?”
“What?”
“This is lovely.” She’d blurted it out without any inhibition.
His mouth twitched and happiness flooded him.
“Do you want to check out the giraffes and rhinos? I think they’re around here somewhere, but someone took my map.” Her pointed glare distracted him from the breath that caught in his throat.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
His legs were heavy as they took the wide path around the baboon reserve.
There the giraffes were, reaching their majestic necks toward some trees in the corner of the enclosure. He saw a black tongue poke out of a little giraffe’s mouth. Nash rolled his fingers over his palm, remembering the scratchiness of the giraffe’s tongue at the zoo when he was a child.
He saw an empty bench and wordlessly took a seat.
He could have been thirteen again, watching the giant beasts feed and play. He was hardly aware as Kiran sat next to him until she touched his arm, making him jump.
“Okay…what’s wrong?” Her eyes bored into him.
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
Her eyes narrowed.
Nash looked at his hands. He wanted to open up, but he was afraid that if he let the gates open now, years of holding back the flood would fail. He’d end up pouring his heart out. He wasn’t sure he was ready for that. He didn’t know if Kiran was either.
“Nash…” Kiran’s tone was pleading. “Tell me what’s on your mind. Do you want to leave?”
It was the idea of parting ways with Kiran early that finally made him turn his face toward hers and meet her eye. His cheeks heated under the scrutiny, and he forced himself to unlock his mental vault to open up.
“The last time I went to a zoo was with my mom. I didn’t expect the memories of her to hit me hard, but coming here…”
“I’m sorry. Do you want to go?”
“No. I like being here with you.” He lifted his chin. He wouldn’t crack. Not now.
“You can tell me whenever you’re ready. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
Seconds passed. Nash time-traveled mentally to seventeen years ago, on a summer day in Nashville.
“Giraffes were her favorite…and rhinos were mine.” It seemed like such a lame explanation, but he couldn’t start at the beginning and casually unload the weight on his shoulders. He had to lift the pieces off bit by bit, and Mom’s face as she watched the giraffes was the first tiny bit he could let go of.
“Somehow, I don’t find that surprising.” Kiran grinned.
“The zoo was one of the few good memories I had of her.” He laughed unexpectedly. “I remember she kept mentioning that if I had a girlfriend—because I was thirteen and starting to get into girls—she’d have a heart attack.”
“That must have been a fun conversation.”
“From what I can recall, I wanted to be eaten by a lion.”
Kiran giggled. “She’d be proud of you, you know.”
“Yeah. I hope so.”
Kiran took his face in her hands and rested her forehead on his. The touch of her skin was soothing, the way a warm compress calmed a headache. His heart settled into a regular rhythm rather than fighting to beat as though a weight were dragging it down. Even his breathing became effortless.
And the unusual display of affection from Kiran—when she always became defensive after any contact—replaced his sadness with surprise.
“I want you to listen to me,” Kiran murmured against him. “You have overcome so many impossible things. An absentee father. A mother who had a problem. Not much money. And you’re here, an educated, brilliant, funny, and sexy-as-hell man. You, Nash Hawthorne, aren’t just someone who beat the odds. You are a superhero in every sense of the word.”
He could have kissed her. If he closed the inches between their faces, it would have been easy to gently touch his lips to hers and convey all the explosive feelings Kiran created inside him.
But instead, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to breathe her in. Just like he had felt all those years ago, sitting on a bench in front of a herd of giraffes, he was safe.