10 Dominique fell in love with the West Coast, entered into a marriage of convenience with a gay man, assisted by Maya and Jessica who loaned her the cost her English accent was a huge selling point in her dealings with Americans, it elevated her, as did her model looks (she was told often enough) and cool biker style, lesbians in particular wanted to help her, to open doors for her, to be part of what they thought she represented Maya and Jessica allowed her to live cheaply at theirs for a couple of years until she found her feet her first job was working in admin for a film company, a stepping stone to producing live arts events
she felt blessed that she could quickly establish herself, and once she was, invited Amma to visit who never said an outright, I told you so Dominique also attended a weekly counselling group for female survivors of domestic abuse as the weeks passed she heard people share their life stories and reach life-changing epiphanies when she took the plunge, she discovered it was indeed cathartic she came to appreciate that as the oldest girl in a family of ten, she'd had to mother the younger ones when she'd been deprived of being properly mothered herself as soon as she was born, her mother was pregnant with another child, and each newborn baby had to have her mother's full attention Dominique worked out she'd been drawn to Nzinga because she was subconsciously looking to be mothered then mothering had turned into smothering, and Mummy turned out to be Daddy, as she told Amma, who disagreed and said it was about bad luck rather than unresolved childhood issues, you're becoming too American, Dom Dominique kept in touch with Gaia until she passed away, she'd written that Nzinga had been evicted from the community soon after Dominique left, had raged across the property trying to find out where 'Sojourner' had gone, threatening people and smashing windows the police were called, the women didn't press charges rest easy, she doesn't know where you are Dominique still spent years having nightmares about Nzinga coming at her through a crowd or driving into her as she crossed a street or appeared in a public place, even during her opening speech for the Women's Arts Festival she founded after a few years in LA Nzinga would be berating her for leaving her when she'd so kindly taken her on as an apprentice, shown her how to be fully womanist in a misogynist world I gave you everything, everything, you'd be nothing without me, Sojourner, nothing
many years later, Dominique was told that Nzinga had died some twelve years after she left her her last girlfriend, Sahara, introduced herself at the festival, she'd become lovers with Nzinga at a women of colour spirituality retreat in Arizona she talked about you a lot, Dominique, she'd heard about the success of this festival and totally took credit for it, she was your mentor and had made you, she said, you'd used her, no thanks, no public acknowledgement, no belated payments for her extensive investment in your personal development, she was planning to come to LA to confront you, but it was never the right time I now think she was scared that the person she'd thought of as weak had become powerful I totally bought her story about you until a few months into our relationship she started treating me like a disciple instead of a lover, and became possessive, aggressive and played mind control games I was in my twenties, she was in her fifties she wouldn't let me out of her sight, said I should be grateful that she'd rescued me, from what? who knows, I never got an answer that made any sense I was ready to leave her within the year when she had a major stroke, became immobilized, and I couldn't she was so utterly alone in the world except for me – no home, friends, no family to call on, she said everyone always left her when she died, I felt released hearing of her former lover's death, Dominique also felt released, sad, too, that Nzinga's life really had been one of abandonment and she'd not been capable of seeing that the fault, as an adult, lay with her Dominique met Laverne in her counselling group, as the only two lesbians they gravitated towards each other Laverne was an African-American woman who liked to blend into the background, who spoke softly and thought deeply originally from Oakland, now based in LA as a sound technician, her previous girlfriend had been violent
she left her the third time she ended up in A&E Dominique found Laverne pleasant and easy company, she'd studied international relations, was well-read and passionately interested in global current affairs Dominique began to expand her reading beyond women's literature into non-fiction books about the world at large they could spend hours discussing the consequences of the fall of the Berlin Wall and the break-up of the Soviet Union or the marriage war played out in the media between Princess Diana and Prince Charles or the wars in the Middle East, or the Brixton and LA riots or the relationship between climate change and capitalism or the histories of postcolonial Africa, India, the Caribbean and Ireland their friendship deepened over time and eventually became physical they respected the free will of each other and made no demands they were lovers for four years before moving in together, even then Dominique worried that the equilibrium of their relationship, from seeing each other several times a week to seeing each other every day, would throw their relationship off-balance it didn't they wanted children, adopted baby twins, Thalia and Rory, whose parents had been killed in a gangland shooting they became a family, married each other when it became legal Dominique moved to America nearly thirty years ago she considers it her home.
Chapter Two Carole