8

8 After Dominique and Nzinga had completed ten new properties at Spirit Moon, Nzinga wangled a deal with Gaia to stay in their home until they could secure a contract elsewhere there was nothing to do except be with each other all day Dominique should have sloped off then because the relationship was already irreparable, but she found herself unable to make such a big decision when she'd lost the ability to make even the smallest ones, such as what she ate and wore, and who she was allowed to speak to she became wrapped up in the nightmare cocoon of Nzinga's increasing paranoia these women are out to destroy our great love affair, Sojourner when she came across the other women, Nzinga was at her side so she couldn't really speak freely to them or she'd be told off later for saying the wrong thing even her morning trips to fetch bread from Tilley provoked another all- night rant after Nzinga followed her, analysed their body language from a distance and decided they were flirting Nzinga announced she'd fetch the bread herself from now on, she also went into town on her own to do the weekly shop because of Dominique's imagined behaviour around men and no, not getting you any chocolate as a special treat, it's bad for you, and did she really need to see the dentist (who was a man), or was it a ruse? the day Nzinga punched Dominique on the arm was the day she thought she'd leave, reasoned it was a one-off, discovered it wasn't when a single punch progressed into multiple ones Dominique didn't want to escalate Nzinga's aggression by fighting back, until she confessed to herself she didn't really have it in her to do so, she was genuinely non-violent when she tried to storm out of the house to get away during rows, Nzinga blocked the door with her imposing size, legs astride, ordered her to sit

down on a chair and breathe deeply, Sojourner, breathe deeply, rid yourself of this negative energy, the world is dangerous out there all day Nzinga's voice megaphoned into Dominique's consciousness, resounding, pounding, she spent such little time alone, she forgot how to spend time alone, she took to sleeping in late and going to bed early, she hated being outside in the unrelenting brilliance of sunshine when she wasn't sleeping, she was staring into space it was a Saturday morning, Nzinga had headed into town in the truck to do the weekly shop, saying she'd be gone all day – a test, she usually returned after a couple of hours and snuck up to the cabin on foot to see what Dominique was getting up to this time, as soon as she left, Gaia appeared outside their home on her moped, as if she'd been parked up somewhere waiting for Nzinga to leave; Dominique heard the engine first, nobody ever came by, who was this? she watched Gaia walk towards the cabin Gaia said, we're concerned about what's happening here, you're not the woman you were when you arrived, you haven't been spotted for over a month, is everything okay? everything's fine, Dominique replied, standing at the door, not daring to open it too widely Gaia stared at her with the knowledge and wisdom of having spent her entire adult life surrounded only by women, she sat on the steps Dominique, come sit with me we know what she's like, Gaia said, we've all experienced her wrath, her unreasonableness, her general animosity towards the world, to us, you can talk to me Dominique resisted saying anything, it would be such a betrayal of Nzinga who insisted on complete loyalty all the while pinching her arm so hard it bruised so that she'd remember to never and I mean never talk to anyone about me or our relationship you can talk to me, Gaia repeated, laying a light hand on Dominique's own, transmitting compassionate strength to her, until Dominique felt herself softening and admitted to Gaia, as much as to herself, that yes, she was trapped in a relationship with a violent woman of unsound mind with no foreseeable way out in betraying Nzinga, she was at last being true to herself

Gaia comforted her, we will help you get away, okay? really? do you have any funds? she never got round to adding my name to what was supposed to be a joint bank account, and asking for my share of our savings will be tantamount to telling her I'm leaving her and I don't know what will happen then I can loan you enough money to get yourself sorted, where do you want to go, back to England? not really, at least not yet, I can't face the humiliation and I'd like to see more of America I have friends in West Hollywood who will put you up until you have plans, pay me back when you can, do you have your passport? Nzinga keeps it safe for me – I know her hiding place we'll come by this time next Saturday to drive you to the airport.