16
True to her word, Meredith had a subdued but cooperative Gina at her side as they assembled by the outhouses for their walk. Roisin was relieved to see her in a better state; she’d had visions of their hearing an engine and leaping up to see Ethelred tearing away towards the horizon. However, Gina was still treating Matt as if he was radioactive. He loitered at a distance.
Dev insisted on going in to say hello to the hens, who were much less interested in saying hi to Dev and crowded into a far corner, clucking irascibly at the intrusion.
‘They have a groundskeeper-type guy who pops in twice a day to feed them,’ Dev said.
‘Can you imagine what he thinks of the absolute nobbers that regularly pile into this place?’ Joe said. ‘Hopping from the helicopter, busting out the Freixenet and spraying it all over the rooster.’
‘No rooster. Sir Drumstick recently passed.’ Dev touched his forehead, chest and both shoulders in a cross. ‘You’d know about him if he was still with us, I’m told. Screeched the joint down at dawn.’
‘Was his death a murder?’ Roisin asked.
‘Sir Drumstick, I love it,’ Meredith said.
‘Tasteless,’ Gina sniffed.
‘Why?’ Joe said.
‘Because it’s a cut of meat! Like calling him Lord KFC.’
‘Ah yeah, I see what you mean,’ Joe said. ‘Like prawns don’t think of themselves as lollipops.’
He grinned and Gina pushed, ineffectually and coquettishly, at his shoulder.
She alone won a conciliatory, warmer tone from him. All in all, Roisin was grateful that someone did.
‘Also, who are you calling nobbers?’ Anita said, gesturing at her lilac maribou-trim skirt. Roisin was keen to see her wedding dress: she could only imagine a sort of Tim Burton film level of kitsch drama. A headdress.
‘Other nobbers, obviously,’ Joe said. ‘Nouveau, boozy nobbers who’ve rolled in from the city. Not classy big house appreciators, like us.’
They set off down to the lake, and Dev’s optimism wasn’t misplaced: the weak sun and light breeze did feel as if it was blowing fresh air through Roisin’s mind and body.
Anita thoughtfully seized on Gina and marched her out ahead, so the Matt issue wasn’t an issue. Dev fell lockstep between Joe and Matt, a rose between two thorns, and Meredith and Roisin found themselves at the rear. Actually, Roisin felt Meredith was sticking to her side purposely.
‘What do you think to this, then?’ Meredith said, after ten minutes or so.
‘This?’ Roisin cast a look back at the house. ‘Minibreak location?’
‘No, the weirdness.’
‘The weirdness of … us? That sounds like the title of the worst romcom ever.’
‘The weirdness of the mood since we’ve arrived. It’s as if everyone’s pretending. Not me and you, obviously.’
Roisin suspected Meredith meant apart from the roaring tension between you and Joe.
‘I know what you mean. I felt awful admitting it to myself, but Gina’s streaking was the first authentic moment of enjoyment I’ve had.’
‘Same here. Odd, isn’t it?’
‘Perhaps it’s timing. Few pressures coming to a head.’
‘Dev and Anita had a huge blow-up last month.’
‘Did they?’ Roisin stopped dead, lowering her voice, even though everyone else was way in front. ‘I thought they were on Cloud Nine.’
‘I think they are, but Cloud Nine has a ring road traffic jam. I wanted your advice about it, actually. I might not get the chance again. I have a moral quandary.’
‘Go on.’
‘I was out on a works do last month at The Alchemist, and I see Dev and Anita in a corner. Before I can say hello, I see they’re arguing. To the extent that Anita gets up to storm out. I’m thinking, right, I will pretend not to have seen them, but unfortunately, Anita storms right past me. We make eye contact, I make a kind of gesture like this …’ Meredith stopped and performed a cross hands waving, lip zipping mime to Roisin which she gathered indicated: no worries, I saw nothing, we don’t have to speak.
‘OK.’
‘So please note, as far as I know, Dev still has no idea I know. Anita then messages me the day after and asks if we can meet for coffee, but please don’t tell Dev. I’d really rather not, in those circumstances, but what can you do when it’s an SOS.’
‘Oof. Yes.’
‘We go for coffee, and she says the fight was about the fact she wants to come off her pill and try for a baby before the wedding in Italy. She’s got background factors that makes her think it might take a while. Dev is implacably opposed to her ending up unable to drink and morning sick at a fifty-grand wedding …’
‘Fifty grand!’ Roisin hissed.
‘Oh, and the rest; Anita was probably sparing me the full truth. Over our flat whites, Anita confides in me she’s not taking her pill, and is telling Dev she is. Is that bad, Meredith? Me – yes, Anita, that is bad.’
‘Woah.’
‘Mmmhhhm. I said to her, and what will you do if you do get pregnant, tell him you’re in the one per cent failure rate? Despite him knowing you wanted to try? She says no, he’ll work it out, but once there’s a baby he’ll be overjoyed and my lying won’t matter.’
Roisin looked at Meredith making a grit-teeth gesture. ‘This is not the way to embark on parenthood. With lies. Also, Dev not feeling betrayed is a fuck of a gamble.’
‘Yep. I told her it wasn’t OK. She should take her pill, have the wedding – she’s thirty-one, it’ll be fine. But knowing Anita to be somewhat capricious, I don’t think there’s much chance she’ll take it. The advice, or the pill.’
‘She’s such a party girl, she might actually regret being pregnant on her honeymoon, too. What did Dev say? “Anita’s very bad at anticipating how she’ll feel a short time in the future”?’
‘Oh yeah. Canyons.’
They trudged in quiet for a moment.
‘You straight people, you’re a mystery to me,’ Meredith said. ‘Mind you, serious relationships are a mystery to me, so perhaps I should take a seat.’
‘Seems to me this is not actually mere conception admin,’ Roisin said, frowning. ‘This is quite a large and meaningful difference of priorities. If Anita wants a pregnancy more than far-flung weddings she should tell Dev to scale the whole thing down and even consider delaying it until after kids.’
‘Ah, I said that; no can do. Her Hindu family are liberal but not that liberal. Marriage before babies or there’d be hell to pay. If she gets pregnant it’ll be Gretna Green, accelerator pedal to the floor. A lot of pressure to go against wishes of fiancé and family.’
Roisin blew out air. ‘If you’ve told Anita it’s wrong, what’s your moral quandary?’ she said.
‘Do I tell Dev she’s not on the pill?’ Meredith said.
‘Good God, NO. Is that even a question?’ Roisin said. ‘Or am I a self-preserving coward? But no. I see only bad outcomes if you break Anita’s confidence. It was unfair of her to burden you with it.’
‘Thank you! That’s the advice I came for. The thing I wanted to hear anyway,’ Meredith laughed.
They stopped to gaze out over the rippled water.
‘Lake Como is the problem, you know,’ Roisin said, once again speaking quietly, as if it was profane to say it at normal volume. ‘It’s wonderful Dev’s been so successful, but the attitude to money is spiralling out of control. I’ve realised what it reminds me of – those nights out where we’d be done, and Dev would bang down a tray of shots no one asked for and announce we were “going on somewhere”. The rapid escalation.’
‘That has occurred to me. That he’s going to end up in high-roller rehab next,’ Meredith said.
‘Alternative approach,’ Roisin said. ‘Someone talks Dev out of Miami and Lake Como. This then provokes a proper heart to heart with his fiancée about the marriage-babies timetable.’
‘Someone? Good luck, Rosh!’ Meredith said and they laughed. ‘I hope you don’t mind me burdening you, too. You’re such a solid person about these things.’
‘Honoured.’ Roisin patted her arm.
‘You know, looking at that photo of us from way back when,’ Meredith said, ‘reminded me of what a superstar you are. I’ve never met anyone who’s such a natural leader, always the centre of things, but who has so little ego to go with it. Dev was our manager but you were too, in an unofficial, HR way.’
‘Wow,’ Roisin said, blushing. ‘Really?’
‘Uh huh. We all thought Joe had won the lottery, the first time we spied you holding hands.’
‘Blimey, Mer, where did all that come from?! But thank you.’
‘I get the feeling you’re not hearing things like that enough,’ Meredith said, with a penetrating look.
Roisin’s mouth opened in surprise, and nothing came out.
‘GIRLS! You waiting to drown yourselves?! Come the fuck on!’ Dev roared in the distance, doing a little Riverdance.
They laughed and moved on, and Roisin was grateful, as she had no idea what she’d have found to say.