FIFTEEN
Ren’s eyes nearly rolled back in his head when Hayes’s thick cock breached him. The sound that burst from Ren’s throat probably sounded like pain, but it was one hundred percent goddamned pleasure. He reached down and grabbed his own cock, squeezing and stroking to intensify the high.
He hadn’t bottomed for a guy since Gordon. Part of him had wondered if that side of his desire had been stolen after what he’d been through. He’d been with men since then and never had the urge. But with Hayes it’d always been there. Only in the fantasies where his best friend starred did that craving surface. And now the man was inside him.
“Tell me you’re okay,” Hayes said from behind him, breathless as he eased in and seated deep. “Please God, tell me you’re okay, because fuck . . .”
Ren smiled into the sheets. He loved hearing Hayes so undone. How many times had he imagined this those nights when he was a teen? The straight, bossy neighbor boy breaking all the unwritten rules between them and taking him rough. “I’m so okay. You don’t have to be gentle. Fuck me like I know you want to, like a man who’s been celibate for four years. I can handle you, Fox.”
Hayes’s grip tightened on Ren’s hips. “You have no idea the things I want to do to you. Don’t tempt me.”
Ren looked back over his shoulder, the sight of Hayes’s sweaty and flushed muscles flexing as he slowly thrust into Ren was possibly the hottest thing he’d ever seen. “Do it. Don’t fucking insult me. I won’t break.”
Hayes’s gaze met his, ferocity there. Wildness. Danger. There he is. That was the man who’d come out of prison. Angry. Hungry. Dominant.
But he was holding himself back. Chains still on him.
Ren shifted back, taking Hayes all the way and tightening his muscles. Daring him.
It was too much. It was all over Hayes’s face. The chains snapped.
Hayes made a sound close to a roar and dragged Ren almost all the way off and then yanked him back onto his cock with a harsh grip, the sound of skin smacking skin and Hayes’s animalistic sound of pleasure filling the room. And that was all it took. Before long, they were gasping and fucking hard and rough. Ren would have bruises. He would be sore. He didn’t care. They both needed this.
Ren couldn’t keep his head up or watch any longer. He buried his face in the pillow and jerked his cock with his hand, his muscles starting to quake with warning. Hayes angled himself inside Ren just right, rubbing over the perfect spot with each deep stroke. Ren’s body lit on fire. “Fuck, fuck.”
“That’s the idea,” Hayes said, thrusting hard, making the headboard tap the wall. “You feel so goddamned good. So hot and tight. Perfect.”
Sweat rolled down Ren’s face and he lost a grip on his thoughts. All that was left were the sounds, the skin, the thick cock impaling him, and his slick hand jerking himself with so much vigor it almost hurt.
Hayes draped over Ren’s back and grabbed his hair, gripping tight and pressing Ren’s cheek into the mattress. “That’s it. Take what I give you. You’re not in charge right now. You’re mine. You’re fucking mine.”
That was all it took. The command in his voice, the impersonal way he pushed his face into the bed, like he was just a tool for his pleasure, pushed all those buttons Ren wasn’t sure he had anymore. “Can’t . . . Fox.”
“Go for it, sub. Mess up your sheets and show me how much you like having my big cock shoved in your ass.”
“Shit, shit.” Ren had thought he’d last longer considering he’d come already, but there was no stopping it. His cock pulsed in his grip and he shot all over the sheets and his stomach, crying out and begging for harder and faster from Hayes.
Hayes obliged, his pace a punishing speed and his big body crushing Ren into the bed. Then he buried deep, his hand tightening in Ren’s hair, and his body stiffening. The shout that came out of him bounced off the walls like thunder and Hayes came in long, powerful thrusts.
By the time Hayes had emptied himself into the condom, Ren was panting like he’d run a marathon and swam a few miles. He blinked his eyes open, feeling dizzy. “Jesus.”
Hayes slid out carefully, tossed the condom in a trashcan by the bed, and then collapsed onto his back next to Ren. He stared up at the ceiling, his chest still rising and falling with rapid breaths. “Holy shit.”
Ren tucked his arm under his head and used what little energy he had left to roll onto his side. His body protested the movement but that used-up ache was its own reward. “I know, right? I’m a fantastic lay.”
Hayes turned his head to look at him and then broke out into a loud, belly-deep laugh. One that shook the bed. “You’re such a shit.”
Ren couldn’t keep the grin off his face. How long had it been since he’d heard that laugh? God, he’d forgotten what it sounded like.
Without thinking too hard about it, he leaned forward and kissed Hayes. Part of him was worried the guy would backtrack now that the immediate lust had been satisfied, but Hayes didn’t flinch or pull away.
He kissed Ren back and then smiled. “Hold that thought. I’ll be right back.”
Hayes climbed out of bed and walked away in all his naked glory. Muscles flexing, body still glistening with exertion. Ren watched him disappear into the bathroom and groaned. Damn. He’d better not wake up and this all be some wet dream. Because this felt too good to be real.
The shower came on and soon steam billowed out the crack in the door. More time passed than should’ve. He sighed, wondering if Hayes was in there having a silent freak-out.
But after another minute, Hayes poked his head into the bedroom. “Water’s warm. Shower’s big.”
Something tight in Ren’s chest eased. He rolled out of bed. “Awesome. We’re going to have to crash in your room tonight, by the way. The sheets are trashed.”
“I can’t help it if you have no self-control.”
Ren snorted. “Uh-huh. Let me shove my dick up your ass, fuck you just right, and see how long you last.”
Hayes’s mouth tilted into an enigmatic smirk. “You never know. Maybe one day that can be arranged.”
Ren’s eyebrows shot up. He’d never known Hayes to bottom for anyone, but the possibility made Ren’s mouth water. Ren stepped into the steamy bathroom and pulled open the shower door. “Don’t tease me, Fox. I have a long memory.”
Hayes stepped in behind him and wrapped his arm around him from behind, the hot spray of water dousing them. “And a long something else.”
They didn’t get out the shower until the water had gone cold.
—
Right before dawn they collapsed into Hayes’s bed, exhausted and spent. Hayes closed his eyes and yawned. “So we could’ve been doing this all along, huh?”
“Yep.”
“And the Complete Dumbass Award goes to . . .”
Ren pulled the blanket to his waist and tried to adjust to the unfamiliar pillows. “You’re not a dumbass. You just overthink things. Always have.”
“And you leap and hope for a net.”
“That hasn’t always been the best thing either.” Ren dropped back onto the pillow, giving up on finding the right position, and lay on his back. “I wish we could’ve figured this out a long time ago, though. Would’ve saved us a lot of grief. Plus, just think how much more fun all those threesomes would’ve been if you hadn’t been so afraid we’d bump ugly parts.”
Hayes frowned in his periphery.
Ren didn’t miss it. “What?”
“Nothing.”
Ren turned onto his side to face Hayes. “No way. That look has no place here tonight. What’s up?”
Hayes opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling. “I don’t know. I just got this image of you at The Ranch having that kind of threesome with other people. It wasn’t . . . a pleasant thought.”
Ren studied Hayes’s face. Was that jealousy? He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen that on Hayes. The sight both warmed and worried him. “If it makes you feel better, I haven’t done a threesome without you.”
Hayes turned his head to look at him, surprise there. “But that was the kink you liked best.”
Ren shrugged a shoulder. “I liked it best because I got to share a woman with my best friend. It wasn’t the same without you. Since everything happened, I’ve only been with subs solo.”
Hayes considered him and Ren could almost hear the gears in his head grinding. “This complicates shit doesn’t it?”
“Meaning?”
“Your other relationships.”
Ren’s stomach dipped. He hadn’t thought that far. Always leaping. Fuck. Part of him wanted to tell Hayes he would commit one hundred percent to him if that’s what he wanted. He loved Hayes unequivocally. But another part of him knew what that would entail, sent anxiety creeping through him.
Hayes reached out and tapped Ren’s forehead where lines had apparently gathered. “Relax, Muroya. I know you’re dyed-in-the-wool poly. I’m not going to ask you to give up women. Plus, I wouldn’t ask you to sacrifice the dominant side of yourself. Believe me, I know how fucking depressing that is.”
Ren blew out a breath. “But?”
He gave him a chagrined smile. “The thought makes me jealous as hell.”
The words curled through Ren, wrapped around some part of him that he didn’t know existed. Hayes would be jealous. That felt . . . kind of nice. He’d never had a lover be jealous. Gordon had been possessive but not jealous. He’d gotten off on lending Ren out. But Hayes’s feelings did make things trickier.
Ren tried to imagine the roles reversed. What if he knew Hayes was dominating women when Ren wasn’t around?
A sharp kick of oh, hell no went through him. He frowned, the feeling foreign and altogether uncomfortable. He’d never gotten jealous before, even when he’d already accepted that he loved Hayes. Sharing women with Hayes had always been a rush. And watching Hayes fuck someone else had been Ren’s own voyeuristic fantasy come true. But thinking of Hayes doing that without him there? It didn’t sit well.
But . . .
Ren propped his head on his hand, knowing he needed to tread carefully. “There could be an easy solution to that.”
Hayes sniffed. “I’ve learned there aren’t easy solutions to much of anything, especially when it’s your solution and you have that look on your face.”
Ren gave him a sly smile. “You may not want to hear it, but there’s an obvious option. I don’t fuck someone else unless you’re there.”
Hayes’s jaw flexed. “You know I can’t—”
“You said you wouldn’t risk sleeping with a woman. You don’t have to. There’s lots you can do just being there. You could be in charge of the scene, take the lead. You know how to dominate someone without ever laying a finger on them. Plus, I know how much you like to watch. And if you need to touch or be touched, I’m there.”
Hayes’s expression was hard, tense. But he didn’t say anything.
“It could work, Fox. Think about it.” Ren’s blood was pumping despite his utter exhaustion, the idea growing into a big whirling swarm of hope inside him. The two of them together again, really together, and then bringing in a third. In Ren’s world, that’s what utopia looked like.
Hayes let out a breath and let his head sag back onto the pillow. “I don’t know. I think I’d still have a hard time trusting some stranger.”
Ren mimicked his position and stared at the turning ceiling fan. The quiet of the room crept in. Just the sound of their breathing, the hum of the air conditioning, and the tick tick tick of the clock in the hallway.
“I asked Cora out,” Ren said finally.
Hayes’s breathing stalled.
“Well, actually, it’d be more accurate to say I propositioned her. I told her I wanted her beneath me and to show her my dominant side.”
Hayes made a choking sound. “You what?”
“Yeah, in hindsight, that may have been a little forward.” Ren smiled in the darkness.
“Ren, you can’t just—”
“She said yes.”
Hayes sat up at that, shifted to face Ren again. “Hold up. She said yes?”
“Yep. Surprised me a little, too, to be honest.” Ren looked up at Hayes. “But it’s there, man. I believe her when she says she hasn’t done kink in real life. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to. She vibrates with this undercurrent of sexuality. I’d lay big money that she’s got all kinds of deliciously twisted fantasies in her head. But for whatever reason, she doesn’t think she’s worthy or capable of them.”
“Why the hell not?”
“From what I gathered, she’s been the victim of insecure assholes who don’t know how to see what’s there. Men who don’t know how to deal with her not fitting into some easily defined category. She’s a straight woman who dresses androgynously and has no desire to change that. Maybe genderqueer, though I have no idea if that’s how she thinks of herself.” He shrugged. “She’s different. You know what the world thinks of different. And beyond that, she’s crazy smart and straightforward and doesn’t play games, which can intimidate people.” He sighed. “She thought I was fucking with her when I flirted with her. Like I was going to make fun of her or something.”
Hayes made a face that said he’d like to introduce those assholes to his fist. “Idiots. All those differences are what make her so goddamned interesting. And sexy. That day I told her my story, she wasn’t afraid to take me to task or ask questions about the lifestyle stuff. When I talked about edging, she couldn’t keep her eyes off my hands. I could almost hear her thoughts and had to fight not to get hard. And every time she describes all those intricate hacking terms to me, I get this image of making her do that in a scene. Having her recite high-level computer shit while we drive her crazy and try to break her concentration.”
Ren lips twitched at that. “We, huh?”
“I mean—”
“You mean exactly what you said. I could talk to her, you know,” he said, keeping his tone even. “See what her thoughts are on . . . things. On you.”
Hayes grimaced. “Don’t even bother.”
“You just admitted you’re attracted to her.”
“She’s not going to want me encroaching on her thing with you. She’s new to all this stuff. You’re enough to handle.”
Ha. That wasn’t a no.
“Now you’re making assumptions about her without asking her opinion,” Ren said, pushing up on his elbows. “I have a feeling she’d be insulted. You may be surprised. She likes you, and who knows what kinky thoughts are floating around her brain? You’ve already told her we used to share. It’s not like it’d come out of left field. I was thinking of inviting her to The Ranch. You could come along, no expectations.”
Hayes’s expression turned closed, the blinds shutting. “Enough, Ren.”
Ren had opened his mouth to say more but then clamped it shut. He’d pushed enough tonight. He didn’t want to risk chasing Hayes back into a corner. Tonight had been a big step. That was enough.
So instead of playing debate, he pulled Hayes down next to him. “Enough talk. Let’s get some sleep. It’s been a long week.”
Hayes seemed relieved to let the conversation die and settled into the spot next to Ren, his heavy presence both new and familiar at the same time. They’d slept together like this countless nights. But back then they were boys who couldn’t touch. Boys who were scared. Tonight they were men who refused to be afraid.
And Ren sure as hell wasn’t going to take that miracle for granted. They’d figure out the rest later. He threw his arm over Hayes and fell fast asleep.