4 A few months in and the love that chose them was too often tumultuous they were arguing more than Dominique ever had in her life, to the point where she wondered about the truth of Nzinga's break-up with Roz Nzinga never saw herself as less than faultless the problem with you, Sojourner, is that you're used to leading instead of being led, she'd say, remember you're my apprentice – in housebuilding, in living a truly radical separatist feminist lesbian life, in steering clear of the enemy, in living free of chemical toxins, in living off the soil and on the soil, it really won't work if you insist on fighting me at every turn so when did our love affair turn into an apprenticeship? I'm a leader myself, aren't I? ah, but is that really you? Nzinga challenged, often in the middle of the night when Dominique was desperate to sleep and they'd been arguing for hours and just when she nodded off, Nzinga would shake her awake and start making the same points again what if you drop the tough girl act and just be? what if you discover who you truly are deep down? what if you allow yourself the luxury of being cared for – completely? Dominique's feelings were conflicted, Nzinga was still glorious, still magnificent, still the object of her passion, still someone she believed wanted the best for her, who'd rescued her from London as she was often reminded when things were good, Dominique felt the headiness of a love that really might last for ever when they weren't, she wondered what she was doing with someone who wanted to micro-manage her entire life, including her mind why did Nzinga think being in love with her meant she had to give up her independence and submit completely? wasn't that being like a male chauvinist?
Dominique felt like an altered version of herself after a while, her mind foggy, emotions primal, senses heightened she enjoyed the sex and affection – outside in the fields when summer arrived, wantonly naked in the heat, unworried about anyone coming across them, what Nzinga called Dominique's sexual healing, as if she'd been suffering terribly when she met her Dominique let it pass she wanted to talk this through with friends, Amma most of all, or the women at Spirit Moon, she needed a sounding board, it wasn't going to happen, Nzinga kept them at a distance, kicked up a fuss when Dominique made overtures of friendship to the women they worked with she decided it wasn't worth the hassle, and although she sent three letters to Amma, she never heard back when she did receive replies from her parents and siblings was Amma still angry with her for leaving her and the company? when she once suggested phoning her long distance from the post office in town, Nzinga sank into a terrible funk for days it was a sign Dominique was rejecting her who never mentioned it again.