1

1 Amma is walking along the promenade of the waterway that bisects her city, a few early morning barges cruise slowly by to her left is the nautical-themed footbridge with its deck-like walkway and sailing mast pylons to her right is the bend in the river as it heads east past Waterloo Bridge towards the dome of St Paul's she feels the sun begin to rise, the air still breezy before the city clogs up with heat and fumes a violinist plays something suitably uplifting further along the promenade Amma's play, The Last Amazon of Dahomey, opens at the National tonight she thinks back to when she started out in theatre when she and her running mate, Dominique, developed a reputation for heckling shows that offended their political sensibilities their powerfully trained actors' voices projected from the back of the stalls before they made a quick getaway they believed in protest that was public, disruptive and downright annoying to those at the other end of it she remembers pouring a pint of beer over the head of a director whose play featured semi-naked black women running around on stage behaving like idiots before doing a runner into the backstreets of Hammersmith howling Amma then spent decades on the fringe, a renegade lobbing hand grenades at the establishment that excluded her

until the mainstream began to absorb what was once radical and she found herself hopeful of joining it which only happened when the first female artistic director assumed the helm of the National three years ago after so long hearing a polite no from her predecessors, she received a phone call just after breakfast one Monday morning when her life stretched emptily ahead with only online television dramas to look forward to love the script, must do it, will you also direct it for us? I know it's short notice, but are you free for coffee this week at all? Amma takes a sip of her Americano with its customary kick-starter extra shot in it as she approaches the Brutalist grey arts complex ahead at least they try to enliven the bunker-like concrete with neon light displays these days and the venue has a reputation for being progressive rather than traditionalist years ago she expected to be evicted as soon as she dared walk through its doors, a time when people really did wear their smartest clothes to go to the theatre and looked down their noses at those not in the proper attire she wants people to bring their curiosity to her plays, doesn't give a damn what they wear, has her own sod-you style, anyway, which has evolved, it's true, away from the clichéd denim dungarees, Che Guevara beret, PLO scarf and ever-present badge of two interlocked female symbols (talk about wearing your heart on your sleeve, girl) these days she wears silver or gold trainers in winter, failsafe Birkies in summer winter, it's black slacks, either baggy or tight depending on whether she's a size 12 or 14 that week (a size smaller on top) summer, it's patterned harem pants that end just below the knee winter, it's bright asymmetric shirts, jumpers, jackets, coats year-round her peroxide dreadlocks are trained to stick up like candles on a birthday cake silver hoop earrings, chunky African bangles and pink lipstick are her perennial signature style statement Yazz

recently described her style as 'a mad old woman look, Mum', pleads with her to shop in Marks & Spencer like normal mothers, refuses to be spotted alongside her when they're supposed to be walking down the street together Yazz knows full well that Amma will always be anything but normal, and as she's in her fifties, she's not old yet, although try telling that to a nineteen-year-old; in any case, ageing is nothing to be ashamed of especially when the entire human race is in it together although sometimes it seems that she alone among her friends wants to celebrate getting older because it's such a privilege to not die prematurely, she tells them as the night draws in around her kitchen table in her cosy terraced house in Brixton as they get stuck into the dishes each one has brought: chickpea stew, jerk chicken, Greek salad, lentil curry, roasted vegetables, Moroccan lamb, saffron rice, beetroot and kale salad, jollof quinoa and gluten-free pasta for the really irritating fusspots as they pour themselves glasses of wine, vodka (fewer calories), or something more liver-friendly if under doctor's orders she expects them to approve of her bucking the trend of middle-aged moaning; instead she gets bemused smiles and what about arthritic flare- ups, memory loss and hot sweats? Amma passes the young busker she smiles with encouragement at the girl, who responds in kind she fishes out a few coins, places them in the violin case she isn't ready to forgo cigarettes so leans on the riverside wall and lights one, hates herself for it the adverts told her generation it would make them appear grown-up, glamorous, powerful, clever, desirable and above all, cool no one told them it would actually make them dead she looks out at the river as she feels the warm smoke travel down her oesophagus soothing her nerves while trying to combat the adrenaline rush of the caffeine forty years of first nights and she's still bricking it what if she's slated by the critics? dismissed with a consensus of one-star reviews, what was the great National thinking allowing this rubbishy

impostor into the building? of course she knows she's not an impostor, she's written fifteen plays and directed over forty, and as a critic once wrote, Amma Bonsu is a safe pair of hands who's known to pull off risks what if the preview audiences who gave standing ovations were just being kind? oh shut up, Amma, you're a veteran battle-axe, remember? look she's got a fantastic cast: six older actresses (seen-it-all vets), six mid- careerists (survivors-so-far) and three fresh faces (naïve hopefuls), one of whom, the talented Simone, will wander in bleary-eyed to rehearsals, having forgotten to unplug the iron, turn off the stove or close her bedroom window and will waste precious rehearsal time phoning her flatmates in a panic a couple of months ago she'd have sold her grandmother into slavery to get this job, now she's a spoilt little prima donna who ordered her director to pop out and fetch her a caramel latte a couple of weeks ago when it was just the two of them in a rehearsal room I'm so exhausted, Simone whinged, implying it was all Amma's fault for making her work so hard needless to say, she dealt with Little Miss Simone Stevenson in the moment Little Miss Stevenson – who thinks that because she's landed at the National straight out of drama school, she's one step away from conquering Hollywood she'll find out soon enough at times like these Amma misses Dominique, who long ago absconded to America they should be sharing her breakthrough career moment together they met in the eighties at an audition for a feature film set in a women's prison (what else?) both were disillusioned at being put up for parts such as a slave, servant, prostitute, nanny or crim and still not getting the job

they railed against their lot in a grotty Soho caff while devouring fried egg and bacon slathered between two slabs of soggy white bread washed down with builder's tea alongside the sex workers who plied their trade on the streets outside long before Soho became a trendy gay colony look at me? Dominique said, and Amma did, there was nothing subservient, maternal or criminal about her she was über-cool, totally gorgeous, taller than most women, thinner than most women, with cut-glass cheekbones and smoky eyes with thick black lashes that literally cast a shadow on her face she wore leathers, kept her hair short except for a black fringe swept to one side, and rode about town on a battered old butcher's bike chained up outside can't they see I'm a living goddess? Dominique shouted with a flamboyant gesture, flicking her fringe, adopting a sultry pose as heads turned Amma was shorter, with African hips and thighs perfect slave girl material one director told her when she walked into an audition for a play about Emancipation whereupon she walked right back out again in turn a casting director told Dominique she was wasting his time when she turned up for a Victorian drama when there weren't any black people in Britain then she said there were, called him ignorant before also leaving the room and in her case, slamming the door Amma realized she'd found a kindred spirit in Dominique who would kick arse with her and they'd both be pretty unemployable once news got around they went on to a local pub where the conversation continued and wine flowed Dominique was born in the St Pauls area of Bristol to an Afro-Guyanese mother, Cecilia, who tracked her lineage back to slavery, and an Indo- Guyanese father, Wintley, whose ancestors were indentured labourers from Calcutta the oldest of ten children who all looked more black than Asian and identified as such, especially as their father could relate to the Afro-

Caribbean people he'd grown up with, but not to Indians fresh over from India Dominique guessed her own sexual preferences from puberty, wisely kept them to herself, unsure how her friends or family would react, not wanting to be a social outcast she tried boys a couple of times they enjoyed it she endured it aged sixteen, aspiring to become an actress, she headed for London where people proudly proclaimed their outsider identities on badges she slept rough under the Embankment arches and in shop doorways along the Strand, was interviewed by a black housing association where she lied and cried about escaping a father who'd beaten her the Jamaican housing officer wasn't impressed, so you got beats, is it? Dominique escalated her complaint to one of paternal sexual abuse, was given an emergency room in a hostel; eighteen months later, after tearful weekly calls to the housing office, she landed a one-bedroom housing association flat in a small fifties block in Bloomsbury I did what I had to find a home, she told Amma, not my finest moment, I admit, still, no harm done, as my father will never know she went on a mission to educate herself in black history, culture, politics, feminism, discovered London's alternative bookshops she walked into Sisterwrite in Islington where every single author of every single book was female and browsed for hours; she couldn't afford to buy anything, and read the whole of Home Girls: A Black Feminist Anthology in weekly instalments, standing up, as well as anything by Audre Lorde she could get her hands on the booksellers didn't seem to mind when I was accepted into a very orthodox drama school, I was already politicized and challenged them on everything, Amma the only person of colour in the whole school she demanded to know why the male parts in Shakespeare couldn't be played by women and don't even get me started on cross-racial casting, she

shouted at the course director while everyone else, including the female students, stayed silent I realized I was on my own the next day I was taken aside by the school principal you're here to become an actor not a politician you'll be asked to leave if you keep causing trouble you have been warned, Dominique tell me about it, Amma replied, shut up or get out, right? as for me, I get my fighting spirit from my dad, Kwabena, who was a journalist campaigning for Independence in Ghana until he heard he was going to be arrested for sedition, legged it over here, ended up working on the railways where he met Mum at London Bridge station he was a ticket collector, she worked in the offices above the concourse he made sure to be the one to take her ticket, she made sure to be the last person to leave the train so she could exchange a few words with him Mum, Helen, is half-caste, born in 1935 in Scotland her father was a Nigerian student who vanished as soon as he finished his studies at the University of Aberdeen he never said goodbye years later her mother discovered he'd gone back to his wife and children in Nigeria she didn't even know he had a wife and children Mum wasn't the only half-caste in Aberdeen in the thirties and forties but she was rare enough to be made to feel it she left school early, went to secretarial college, headed down to London, just as it was being populated by African men who'd come to study or work Mum went to their dances and Soho clubs, they liked her lighter skin and looser hair she says she felt ugly until African men told her she wasn't you should see what she looked like back then a cross between Lena Horne and Dorothy Dandridge so yeh, really ugly

Mum hoped to spend their first date going to see a film and then on to her favourite spot, Club Afrique, right here in Soho, she'd dropped enough hints and loved to dance to highlife and West African jazz instead he took her to one of his socialist meetings in the backroom of a pub at the Elephant and Castle where a group of men sat guzzling beers and talking independence politics she sat there trying to act interested, impressed by his intellect he was impressed with her silent acquiescence, if you ask me they married and moved to Peckham I was their last child and first girl, Amma explained, blowing smoke into the already thickening fug of the room my three older brothers became lawyers and a doctor, their obedience to the expectations of our father meant I wasn't pressurized to follow suit his only concern for me is marriage and children he thinks my acting career is a hobby until I have both Dad's a socialist who wants a revolution to improve the lot of all of mankind literally I tell Mum she married a patriarch look at it this way, Amma, she says, your father was born male in Ghana in the 1920s whereas you were born female in London in the 1960s and your point is? you really can't expect him to 'get you', as you put it I let her know she's an apologist for the patriarchy and complicit in a system that oppresses all women she says human beings are complex I tell her not to patronize me Mum worked eight hours a day in paid employment, raised four children, maintained the home, made sure the patriarch's dinner was on the table every night and his shirts were ironed every morning meanwhile, he was off saving the world his one domestic duty was to bring home the meat for Sunday lunch from the butcher's – a suburban kind of hunter-gatherer thing

I can tell Mum's unfulfilled now we've all left home because she spends her time either cleaning it or redecorating it she's never complained about her lot, or argued with him, a sure sign she's oppressed she told me she tried to hold his hand in the early days, but he shook her off, said affection was an English affectation, she never tried again yet every year he gets her the soppiest Valentine card you can buy and he loves sentimental country music, sits in the kitchen on Sunday evenings listening to albums of Jim Reeves and Charley Pride tumbler of whisky in one hand, wiping tears away with the other Dad lives for campaigning meetings, demos, picketing Parliament and standing in Lewisham Market selling the Socialist Worker I grew up listening to his sermons during our evening meal on the evils of capitalism and colonialism and the merits of socialism it was his pulpit and we were his captive congregation it was like we were literally being force-fed his politics he'd probably be an important person in Ghana if he'd returned after Independence instead he's President for Life of our family he doesn't know I'm a dyke, are you kidding? Mum told me not to tell him, it was hard enough telling her, she said she suspected when pencil skirts and curly perms were all the rage and I started wearing men's Levis she's sure it's a phase, which I'll throw back at her when I'm forty Dad has no time for 'the fairies' and laughs at all the homophobic jokes comedians make on telly every Saturday night when they're not insulting their mother-in-law or black people Amma spoke about going to her first black women's group in Brixton in her last year at school, she'd seen a flyer at her local library the woman who opened the door, Elaine, sported a perfect halo of an afro and her smooth limbs were clad tightly in light blue denim jeans and tight denim shirt Amma wanted her on sight, followed her into the main room where women sat on sofas, chairs, cushions, cross-legged on the floor, drinking cups of coffee and cider

she nervously accepted cigarettes as they were passed around, sat on the floor leaning against a cat-mauled tweedy armchair, feeling Elaine's warm leg against her arm she listened as they debated what it meant to be a black woman what it meant to be a feminist when white feminist organizations made them feel unwelcome how it felt when people called them nigger, or racist thugs beat them up what it was like when white men opened doors or gave up their seats on public transport for white women (which was sexist), but not for them (which was racist) Amma could relate to their experiences, began to join in with the refrains of, we hear you, sister, we've all been there, sister it felt like she was coming in from the cold at the end of her first evening, the other women said their goodbyes and Amma offered to stay behind to wash up the cups and ashtrays with Elaine they made out on one of the bumpy sofas in the glow of the streetlight to the accompaniment of police sirens haring by it was the closest she'd come to making love to herself it was another coming home the next week when she went to the meeting Elaine was canoodling with another woman and blanked her completely she never went again Amma and Dominique stayed until they were turfed out, had worked their way through numerous glasses of red wine they decided they needed to start their own theatre company to have careers as actors, because neither was prepared to betray their politics to find jobs or shut their mouths to keep them it seemed the obvious way forward they scribbled ideas for names on hard toilet paper snaffled from the loo Bush Women Theatre Company best captured their intentions they would be a voice in theatre where there was silence black and Asian women's stories would get out there

they would create theatre on their own terms it became the company's motto On Our Own Terms or Not At All.